Freedom's Gate
by ms.reed92
Summary: Catherine contented herself with life as she knew it, but when her husband abandons her and their son, Alexander, she finds herself yearning something new and exciting. Through an enormous twist of fate she ends up living and ultimately thriving just beyond freedom's gate. Kili/OC
1. Abandoned

He couldn't just walk away! We had started a life together, we had a dog, a house with a white picket fence, and we were well on our way to having 2.6 children. We were the 'American Dream'; he wouldn't just walk away from all of that! His son, if he was going to stay for any reason it would be for his son. Little Alexander, the boy with honey locks and eyes as green as emeralds, was a carbon copy of his father. I looked down at my little prince's crown of golden curls and slowly picked him up.

"Our king may abandon us, but you will always be my little prince and I will love you till the end of the world." I vowed with a shaky whisper.

"Mommy, I want Daddy." Alex whined in a voice that shook with emotion.

"He will be back, don't you worry." I smiled with wet eyes.

My son would not see me cry, not here, not today, not over this.

"Mommy, is Daddy going to play a game with me again?" Alex asked with genuine curiosity.

"Yes honey. What game do you want to play when he gets home?"

"Race Car!" He shouted with glee as he jut his little fist out in front of him.

I could not control the laugh that erupted from my mouth as he started making little engine-like sounds.

"I can play that game right now if you want?" I suggested without much hope. Stephen had always been better at those games than I had.

"No Mommy!" He exclaimed as if I had made the most ridiculous suggestion ever. "I want to play a different game with you! I want to play Robin Hood!" He cried as he attempted to wiggle out of my grasp.

I sighed, we had played this game for hours before I said Lady Marian had to be excused to go make dinner.

"Okay, who will I play this time? Will I be Robin Hood?" I asked jokingly.

"No, Mommy! You are Lady Marian." He explained as if I was possibly the silliest person ever.

"Oh yes that's right I forgot!" I giggled. "But I can only play for five minutes and then I have to go make dinner!"

"Yay!" he cried as he successfully wormed his way out of my arms and ran off to his playroom.

I took the briefest of moments to allow my heart to fill with grief before I went off to play. Five minutes later I was bedecked in a plastic tiara with diamantes encrusted over the majority of it and Alexander was sporting the Robin Hood hat I had made for him last Halloween, his toy bow and arrow were grasped firmly in his hands.

"Don't worry Lady Marian, I save you!" He called as he ran over and wrapped his little arms around my neck.

"Thank you my little prince of thieves! I need to go but we can play a litt-" my words were cut off as I heard the door slam. "Stay here Alexander. I need to talk to your father for a minute."

He bobbed his little head and I slowly headed out to meet my husband. As soon as Stephen saw me he sneered.

"Honey, I'm home." He called sarcastically.

"Where were you?"

"None of your concern." He stated sharply.

My heart wanted to break; there was no love in his voice.

"You didn't come home last night. You smell like a bar and a cheap hooker. Go take a shower before Alex sees you." I demanded quietly. "And I am your wife, you better believe it's my concern when my husband, father of my child, doesn't come home."

"How do I know he is even mine, Catherine?" He bit out without looking up.

I was stunned. How could he be questioning Alex's legitimacy? I opened my mouth to speak but closed it when I realised I didn't have the words.

"I have seen the way you look at other men. I would be no surprise to me if you had another on the side!" he roared.

"In our six years of marriage I have never looked at another man! And in the five years we dated I could not bother to even think of a man that compared to you! How dare you accuse me of cheating when you come home every other night to sleep in our bed smelling of other women?" I yelled. "I let it slide because of Alex, I wanted him to have his father, despite how unfaithful you are to me, but if this is how you treat me I can guarantee you will never see him again!"

"There is no need for idle threats, Catherine, I have already packed. I don't plan on seeing either of you again." He declared as he moved to head up the stairs where I knew his bags were packed.

"Stephen, if you leave, if you abandon this family I will make sure you never see a cent in the divorce!" I called, ashamed that I had even stooped so low as to suggest he would stay because of my money.

"Take it, Catherine, take the house and the cars and the money. Take all of it, and take your son as well!" he called back with a venom I had never heard from him before.

"God damn it, Stephen! How could you do this to us, to Alex? He's three years old and thinks you are a god! How do I explain to him that his father had abandoned him and never wants to see him again?" I cried.

"Explain however you wish Catherine, it's not my responsibility anymore." He stated as he made his way back down the stairs with several bags. "I will send someone over to come pick up the rest of my things and give you the papers. I have had enough of this, of you, to last me a lifetime."

I could say nothing as tears ran down my face. I turned away and flinched when I heard the door slam shut behind him. I turned slightly when I heard a little cry from the corner out of the corner of my eye I saw a small red feather dash away. I grimaced as I realised that Alex had seen something.

"Alex, Alex honey. It's okay; you just saw Mommy and Daddy fighting, it's okay." I repeated, still unsure about how I would explain to him what happened.

"Mommy, where is Daddy going?" he asked with tears staining his cheeks.

"Oh, baby, he just needs to be alone for a while." I explained softly.

"Is he coming back?"

"I don't know, Love, I really don't know." I whispered as I started to cry again.

I bowed my head unwilling to let Alex see how sad I was. I felt a small pair of arms wrap around my neck and a puff of hair rest on my shoulder.

"Don't cry Mommy, I love you." He stated in the way only three year olds can.

"I love you too, my little prince. I love you so much and I promise that I will love you forever and ever and ever."

"Mommy, I'm hungry." He whispered.

"How about pizza?" I suggested after a moment. Any desire I once had to toil around in the kitchen had left me and all I wanted was to see Alex smile.

"Mommy, Chucky Cheese?" He asked excitedly.

"Sure, Love, that sounds like so much fun. I'm going to invite Lucca and Stephanie too."

"Yay! Lucca!" Alex shouted as he moved off to find the toys he wanted to bring.

I called my sister and we agreed to meet up at the Chucky Cheese. I left everything very vague about what happened with Stephen but made it clear that we needed to talk. An hour later our two young boys had devoured an entire pizza and were waiting impatiently for us to get up and play games. Lucca, who had just turned six, had already won several tickets and Alex looked on in quiet jealousy. I had explained the situation to Stephanie and she had responded with a quick and decisive, good riddance. She had never liked him form the moment I had brought him home my first year of Uni.

"The way I see it this is your chance to have a little freedom. Even when Stephen was loyal to you he would never let you make your own decisions. You need a chance to be free." She insisted over the blaring music.

"I know. I don't even think I'm really sad about him leaving, our relationship has been over for a while, but I wanted Alex to have a whole family like you and Jonathon." I insisted.

She was my older sister and I did everything to try and emulate her for some reason I had never quite felt as if we were on the same playing field. Stephanie had always been so happy with her completely ordinary life, she knew at age ten that she wanted nothing more than to be a mother and wife. When I was ten I wanted to climb a mountain and see the world. I was about to expand on my thoughts when I felt a tugging at my sleeve.

"Mommy, play now?" Alex asked with big eyes.

He knew every trick to make me give him whatever he wanted.

"Yes, Love, play now." I smiled before looking back at Stephanie who was rolling her eyes.

The following three weeks were a constant party for Alex. I tried everything to keep him busy and not thinking about Stephen. It worked for the most part and I tended to feed off of his positive emotions. The divorce was quick because while we had combined most of our income Stephen agreed to ask for nothing if he did not have to pay child support. I signed the papers as soon as I received them; I had no wish to be legally bound to a man that wanted nothing to do with his son.

On one unseasonably warm afternoon in April I agreed to camp-out in the back yard. Alex gathered all of his Robin Hood gear and insisted I play Lady Marian while we camped out. I indulged him and found the dress I had worn for Halloween and placed the tiara on my head before helping Alex into his own costume.

We had a night of cooking hotdogs on a small camp stove and making s'mores. It was not until after I had read him a story and tucked him into his small sleeping bag that I heard him ask.

"Mommy, are you going to find a new daddy?"

I wanted to cry at the question but remained smiling.

"Why do you think I am going to find a new daddy?" I asked.

"That's what Lucca said. That my Daddy doesn't want to see me again and you are going to find a new daddy for me." He told me with an incredibly serious face.

"Daddy is just really mad right now but I think he will want to see you again." I reassured him while making a mental note to talk to my sister about her son.

"But I want you to find a new daddy that will play games with me and teach me about the outdoors." Alex demanded in a soft voice.

"Okay, Love, I am going to work very hard to find you a new daddy that will teach you all about the outdoors." I nodded my head and gently pushed on his shoulder. "It's time to go to bed now but in the morning we can have pancakes!" I smiled.

This seemed to be enough for Alex as he placed his little head on the pillow and closed his eyes. It took me a fair amount longer to fall asleep but I finally drifted off some place between amused by Alex's request and heart broken that he thought his father never wanted to see him again.

When I woke up a blinding light assaulted me. At first I could think of nothing save for covering my eyes but after the first seconds were over I realised that the blinding light was coming from the sun and should not have been there at all. We were sleeping in a tent in the backyard. I looked around and saw Alex still asleep but rather than tucked into his Buzz Lightyear sleeping bag he was cuddled up in the long grass. As I continued to look around I realised we were no longer in our backyard, instead we were on a small grassy hill that overlooked several other hills.

"Where are we?" I asked out loud not expecting an answer.

"Well it would appear to me that you are less than a days walk to the Shire." Came an old wizened voice from behind me.

I jumped about a foot in the air and clutched at my heart. When I turned I saw an old man dress in a strange grey dress with a matching wizards hat.

"Good God, man!" I cried. "Give a girl some warning would ya!"

"My apologies." The old man bowed his head slightly. "It was certainly not my intention to alarm you. My name is Gandalf, Gandalf the Grey"

"Well, I am Catherine, the -" I paused to look down at my clothing; I was still wearing my pink Lady Marian costume. "The pink?"

I then realised that the tiara I was wearing last night was still lodged in my hair and I attempted to wrestle it out while the man named Gandalf looked at me and let out a short burst of laughter.

"I did not address myself by the colour of clothing I wear but rather by my title." He explained softly.

"Oh, well in that case, I'm Catherine, just plain Catherine, and this is my son Alexander." I introduced again.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance." Gandalf nodded his head again this time at the now awake Alexander.

Alex just stared at him and waved before placing his Robin Hood Hat back on his head and collecting the toy bow and arrow from his side and rushing over to cling on my leg.

"Did you say where we were?" I asked looking around desperately for a landmark I would recognise.

"Yes, these are the hills of the Shire. You are about a half days travel to Hobbiton." He explained slowly.

My mind was moving one hundred miles a minute and still that seemed too slow. I had never heard of the places he mentioned but knew I would have to act fast if I wanted to keep Alex calm.

"Mommy, you said we would have pancakes!" Alex whispered into my leg.

"We will I promise." I whispered back before turning to Gandalf again.

"Is there a place to eat in Hobbiton, a restaurant maybe?" I asked hopefully.

"There is no finer place to enjoy a meal than with a hobbit. I am headed there now if you wish to accompany me."

"Yes, thank you. That sounds perfect. Alex did you hear that? We are going on an Adventure to find pancakes!" I tried to make my voice sound cheery but on the inside I was having a meltdown and my voice came out sounding mechanical.

"Is Lucca coming?"

"No, he has his own pancakes to find!" I laughed.

"Can you carry me?" He asked sweetly.

"Yes I can would you like a piggy back ride or a normal ride?"

He thought about the question for a minute before answering with a very serious face.

"I'm Robin Hood and Robin Hood only likes normal rides!"

"Well I am Lady Marian and Lady Marian only gives normal rides!" I exclaimed before leaning over and scooping him up.

I looked to Gandalf for directions and he set off at a reasonable pace down a dusty road that looked near so narrow I hardly believe a car could fit on the road.

"Is this Amish country?" I asked, that would explain the lack of cars or much of anything else. Though I still could not account for how we got here.

"I do not believe I am aware of this Amish country, though this is a simple place." Gandalf responded with a slight smile.

I needed to find a way home but I was swiftly falling in love with the green rolling hills and absence of cars and planes.

**AN: I guys/gals! I started writing this one but I'm not really sure if it's going to work. So I need some feedback on if I should continue or which direction I should go in with this one. Please let me know if this is even somewhat interesting. I was looking around a little and I didn't see anything quite like this out there yet so if anything I can be somewhat original.**


	2. Agreeing

"I am actually looking for directions back to New Hartford." I explained quietly as Alex rested his head on my shoulder. "I was there last night but I can't seem to remember how we got here. Could you tell me how far away we are?" I asked attempting to keep the panic out of my voice.

"I do not believe I have heard of such a place." Gandalf murmured as his brow furrowed.

"I know it's a small town but it is home. There are an awful lot of farms and the people all have this community feel to them." I explained. "My sister hated it and got out as soon as she could, she moved to the city, but I couldn't leave."

"Perhaps," Gandalf started but then stopped as if revaluating what he planed to say. "I am sure you will find the place you belong in due course. That has always been my experience, you hardly ever end up where you want to be but rather where you need to be."

"I certainly hope so. Right now all I want is a place to keep my kid safe."

"Well, I do believe you are in luck, this is my destination." He proclaimed with a smile.

I looked around, confused by where we were. It seemed to be a valley of small hills with series of narrow pathways connecting all of them. There were small fences here and there marking property lines and peculiar round doors set into the hills. We had stopped in front of a bright green round door with a golden nob set squarely in the middle.

"And where is here exactly?" I asked with slight nervousness as I set Alex down.

"This is the home of a hobbit, a most kind and hospitable race." Gandalf explained softly. "Ah, there he is! Bilbo Baggins!" he exclaimed as we saw a small man with soft features relaxing on a wooden lawn chair smoking a pipe.

"Good morning." The small man nodded his head at both Gandalf and I before giving a small wave to Alex.

This started Gandalf on a tirade about what was meant by the term good morning.

"Good morning is good morning. It means next to nothing!" I finally broke in to save Bilbo who looked absolutely horrified by the looming man. "Good morning, my name is Catherine. You are Bilbo, correct? It is a pleasure to meet you." I smiled warmly.

Alex began tugging on my dress and pointed to himself before hiding behind my legs again.

"And this little guy is Alex. Sorry, he is a little shy but once he gets to know you he is just a little chatterbox! Alex, come say hi." I whispered softly.

He stuck his little head out from around my skirts and waved softly.

"Do you have pancakes?" he asked suddenly.

"Alexander Taylor!" I admonished. "You can't just invite yourself to breakfast!"

"But Mommy, you promised!" he complained.

"And we will. But right now Bilbo is busy he doesn't have time to be giving us pancakes." I explained softly.

"Nonsense! Come in! I do believe I have all the makings for pancakes." Bilbo exclaimed with a smile.

"Are you sure? I would hate to be a bother we could very easily go to some restaurant or something." I cautioned.

"Don't be silly! You are here now it hardly makes sense for you to leave when I was going to make pancakes anyways."

Alex's eyes widened as we entered the small circular door. I was shocked by Bilbo's full stature when he stood he was little taller than three foot. Being fairly short myself I was shocked by how much taller I felt in his presence. Gandalf had followed us in and continued to berate Bilbo for becoming so content with his exceptionally boring life. I was able to relate in some ways to Bilbo and his desire to simply enjoy his small life.

It was then that I heard Bilbo call Gandalf something I was not expecting he called Gandalf a wizard. My mouth dropped open and I could not find the will or ability to close it. I had been traveling with a mad man that thought himself a wizard! I started hyperventilating when I thought of the danger I had unknowingly put my child in. I scooped Alex off of the stool he had perched himself on and clung close to him.

"Mommy where is the tiara?" He asked as he examined my hair.

It took me a moment to realise that he was talking about my Lady Marian costume. I choked on my laughter as I slowly showed him how I had looped my belt around the tiara, securing it to my waist.

"Right hear, Love, would you like me to put it on?" I asked with another laugh.

He nodded eagerly as I handed him the tiara to place on my head.

"Thank you my little Prince of Thieves!" I laughed as I placed a kiss on his cheek. "What ever would I do without you? Bilbo! Let me help you it is only fair." I offered as I stood up again wit Alex on my hip.

"Nonsense, nonsense!" He refused my help. "Are you visiting around here? There are not many that come this far west?" He made light conversation.

"Well I actually don't know how we got here, I have been trying to work it out but none of my ideas seem even remotely possible." I laughed mechanically.

Bilbo looked confused and glanced at me almost pityingly.

"Where are you staying?"

"I haven't quite figured that one out yet, but I am sure there is some inn we can go to." I assured myself.

Bilbo nodded silently as he placed a large stack of blueberry pancakes in front of Alex. I started cutting them into bite size pieces while I eavesdropped on their conversation.

"It is settled!" Gandalf finally declared. "You are going on an adventure, a well needed adventure at that. Miss. Catherine, you should stay here. There is no need to find another place to stay when Alexander here has already taken so fondly to Bilbo." Gandalf pronounced with a warm smile.

"No, no I can't. It would be such an imposition!" I argued briefly before being shot down by Bilbo in one quick glance.

Gandalf merely nodded his head and headed out the door, closing it with a resounding thud.

"What adventure is he talking about? Why is it going to be amusing for him?" I asked as soon as Gandalf had closed the door.

"I have no idea." He murmured looking lost.

I silently moved to clean the dishes ignoring Bilbo's protests.

"Please," I waved him away, "I have to clean up after this one all day. Trust me nothing can make a mess like a three year old before bed time." I laughed. "Besides, let me make this my payment to you for your hospitality."

Bilbo raised his hands in surrender before backing away to the table to eat his own large stack of pancakes. While I was not content to live here forever I found myself enjoying the simplicity of Bilbo's little home, not to mention that all of the appliances and fixtures were sized almost too short for my small stature.

For three days we continued in much the same fashion as that first morning. We ate, we talked, Alex and I played, and eventually I was able to consider Bilbo one of my closest friends. I learned that he was content with his life and enjoyed the simplicity with which he lived however I got the feeling that he had convinced himself that this was what was right. He told stories of exploring in the woods looking for elves and plotting adventures. Bilbo mentioned places I had never heard of. One day he mentioned in casual passing the term 'Middle Earth', I was bewildered by the term but had said nothing.

On the evening of our third day of 'vacation', as I called it to Alex, Bilbo and I were sitting in his small kitchen enjoying a late meal after I put Alex down to bed.

"I must thank you again Bilbo, for your amazing hospitality, but I think it is time for us to leave. Alex and I need to get home. I can only imagine how my family has reacted to my disappearance, especially after my divorce." I rolled my eyes at the statement. "Twenty-nine years old and already I am a divorcee! I truly never thought that would be me."

It looked as if Bilbo was about to say something before the ringing of the doorbell interrupted him.

"Are you expecting someone?" I asked with a puzzled glace in Bilbo's direction as I got up to answer the door.

"No, not that I am aware of." Bilbo responded as he followed me out to see whom it was.

I was about to open the door when Bilbo stuck his arm out in front of me and opened the door in one swift movement. A large man with a thick braided beard stood at the door. Though he stood at about my height, he had large muscles and prominent features. He gave a short bow, which Bilbo returned with confusion.

"Do I know you?" Bilbo asked as he looked from me to the man that introduced himself as Dwalin.

"No." The man sneered.

"Well then, what are you doing here? Do you really think you can just come into peoples homes and demand food?" I shouted.

"I was invited." The man glowered at me.

I took a large gulp of air, slowly pushing down my fear. Before I could say anything else on the matter Dwalin had made himself comfortable at the table we had just occupied. He took a large bite of Bilbo's food before turning his attention to my plate. Within minutes both of the plates were picked clean.

"Now I'm not one to usually complain, but that was my dinner!" I groused while glaring at him.

"Got anymore?" He asked with a belch.

I turned to defer to Bilbo and decided to let him deal with his rude guest. I gave him wide eyes and shrugged before turning to go check on Alex. Just as I made it to the room I heard another ring of the doorbell. This time I refused to go see whom it was, preferring to let Bilbo handle whatever was to come. After twenty minutes of near silence, though our room was next door to the pantry so the grumblings of several voices could be heard, there was another loud ringing of the doorbell followed by shouting and the distinct call of Bilbo to be careful.

I turned my attention to Alex and saw that his eyes were wide open and he was looking at me with curiosity.

"What was that, Mommy?" He asked quietly.

"I have no clue, Love, would you like to go see what it is?" I asked mostly because I was unwilling to leave him alone with several strange men in the house.

He nodded vehemently and I smiled before scooping him up and resting him on my hip.

"Mommy, Mommy! Wait!" he cried suddenly as he leaned down to grab his bow and arrow.

"Don't forget your hat!" I giggled.

"And yours!" He proclaimed as he placed the tiara on my head.

We headed out the door and I peered around every corner. Alex had his little toy bow pointing in every direction. We suddenly turned around a corner there were several men moving furniture and talking animatedly. Alexander must have been shocked to actually find somebody that the string of his bow released from his little fingers and the foam arrow flew across the room smacking one of the men squarely in the head.

I gasped and Alex broke down into a rush of tears. He dropped his little bow and buried himself in my neck screaming loudly.

"Hush, hush! It's all right! Look, look he's fine. Honey, please, let's just go over and say we are sorry. It's okay!" I comforted in a panic as the man let out a yelp of surprise.

Alex nodded but kept his head nestled into my shoulder. The man that had been pelted in the head with the arrow turned sharply dropping the table he was helping move. I rushed over flashed a guilty smile.

"I am so sorry! I didn't know there would be quite so many people here. I wouldn't have brought him out if I knew. He just wasn't expecting all this new company and I suppose his fingers must have slipped. I told his father not to get him the bow and arrow but he never listened to me." I rushed out. "Alex, say sorry to the nice man!" I demanded with a gentle nudge.

He picked his head off of my shoulder with caution before giving a small shake and dropping it again.

"Alexander Taylor! Where are your manners? I'm sorry, he is shy around new people."

"That is quite alright." The man laughed. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch you name."

"I'm Catherine and this is Alexander, it's a pleasure to meet you." I smiled, holding out my free hand.

"Kili." He nodded his head. "Well, Lady Catherine, there is no need to fret. Arrows as soft as that will not likely harm anyone."

"All the same I would feel better about his manners if I could get him to apologise." I insisted.

"Amongst dwarves? Manners are the least of your concern." The man joked lightly.

I stared at him in confusion.

"I don't think that's the politically correct term. Isn't it like little people, or some such thing?" I asked.

"Well being a dwarf I should think I would know what I call myself." He argued.

I instantly reddened.

"Oh, right." I paused unsure of what to say.

"Come we are all having a bite to eat I can introduce you both to the rest of us." Kili smiled as he filled the awkward silence I had created.

"That would be very nice of you. I went in to check on Alex and when I came back out there were a few more people here."

He made a beeline for a spot at the table with two open seats and I attempted to follow after him. A hand resting on my shoulder stopped me; I turned sharply and looked up at Gandalf.

"Oh, we meet again!" I exclaimed.

"Miss. Catherine I have some very important information for you. Perhaps it would be best if we were to go someplace a bit quieter." He suggested with a smile.

"Alright. Kili, would you mind saving a seat for us?" I asked softly.

"With pleasure." He responded brightly before walking away and talking animatedly with his friends.

"Catherine, I looked into your mysterious presence here and I have come to a conclusion. Though I fear it is not the answer you are looking for, I believe that you are from some sort of alternate world. One much different from this one I would say based on your peculiar descriptions." He looked at me as if gauging my reaction.

"You're bonkers. I would call you worse but my kid is here. You think I came from another world? It's not possible!"

"Catherine Taylor, It is possible it has happened!" He justified sounding quite annoyed by my petulance.

If I were honest with myself I would have realised that I already knew I 'wasn't in Kansas anymore' but I could not let myself slip that far from reality.

"Believe as you wish you will still have to live a life here. In a world without the transportation devises you talked about!" he stated.

"But what about my sister, our home, work? Are you telling me that I am homeless and penniless in a world I know nothing about? What about my son? If it were just me that would be a horse of another colour, but Alex how I am I supposed to provide for him?" I whispered with every ounce of venom I could muster without scaring anybody.

"I have a proposition for you. This group of dwarves is going on a journey to find a home. You could accompany us until we find a town where you could create a life for yourself. I can not guarantee it would be the safest of trips, however you would be able to find a home." Gandalf offered with a rough smile.

My heart ached to explore a new world but my brain was yelling at me the dangers of the trip for both my son and myself.

"Mommy, I'm hungry!" Alex complained.

I nodded as I turned to Gandalf.

"I absolutely can not believe I am going to say this, but I will go with you. Only until I find a safe place for my son and me. Thank you for helping us." I whispered in shock of the words coming out of my mouth.

"Oh, Miss. Catherine, this world holds so much for both you and your son." He smiled down at me.


	3. Kings and Princes

"If you are hungry go then! There is a mountain of food in there. I will follow after you in a moment." I encouraged Alexander before I set him down.

"Mommy, all the people!" He complained as he tugged on my dress.

"Find the man we were talking to, or Bilbo. Kili was saving us a seat maybe now would be a good time for you to apologise."

"Together?" he asked with a questioning look.

"I already said sorry, but I can come with you if you want?"

"Okay!" he cried before raising his arms up to be carried.

"Oh, honey, my back really hurts. Can you walk? I promise you will be safe. I can hold your hand?" I offered.

Alexander looked at me as if I had grown three heads. We had never made him walk if he didn't want to. Stephen and I would trade off carrying him around but there was only one of me and I couldn't imagine carrying him around all of the time.

"Okay?" he stated slowly as if it was a question.

"Alright! Lets go I'm hungry!"

As we walked back into the room we caught the attention of everybody crowded around the table. Kili looked up and smiled, catching my attention, before waving at me to join him.

"Lady Catherine, it is my pleasure to introduce you to our company." He quickly began listing off names far too fast for me to comprehend.

"Excuse me," Alexander cut him off by tugging on Kili's heavy leather jacket.

Kili looked down in surprise before nodding for him to continue.

"My Mommy said I had to say I was sorry I hit you in the head but I am Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, and I was saving Lady Marian." Alex explained seriously.

My head drooped in defeat. I was never going to get him to just apologise.

"I'm sorry?" Kili asked looking at me for clarification.

I noticed the entire table was listening to us and steadfastly ignoring Bilbo's protests.

"I think he said that he was Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, which he is not because his name is Alexander, and he was saving Lady Marian, that would be me." I pointed at the tiara that sat on my head with a sigh. "I was looking for him to actually apologise but that may be the best we get tonight." I sighed. "Alex, when we are saying sorry it is not a game!" I admonished lightly.

"Prince of Thieves you say? Well Robin, did you know I am a prince too? And so is my brother, Fili." He nodded over to a blond man with a thick beard. "But not of thieves."

My mouth dropped open. I was not going to get a break tonight.

"A real prince? But Mommy says we don't have them in our home, only far away. She says you can only be a pretend prince." He explained with wide eyes.

"Well, Love, we are very far away from home." I explained after I felt every pair of eyes trained directly on me.

"Where is the boy's father?" came a harsh voice from the one I recognised as Dwalin.

"If you must know, he decided that we were not his responsibility anymore." I muttered in his direction. "If you have a problem with it, take it up with him!"

"But you can't raise a child by yourself, lass." An old man with a long white beard spoke slowly.

"Just what are you saying? I can do anything a male could do except maybe pee standing up, but lets be honest who wants that particular talent anyways!" I shouted.

This caused a round of laughter to circle around the table before the rest of them went back to talking and laughing. It was not until Fili began walking on the table passing out drinks that I realised the direction of this evening.

"Who want's an ale?" he cried out as he passed one to his brother.

"What's that Mommy?" Alex asked with wide eyes.

"Do you remember at that party when Daddy had a drink and you accidently took some?" I asked.

"Oh yeah that was not good!" Alex stated emphatically.

"Well it's that." I explained.

Alex tugged on Kili's coat again.

"Why do you drink that? It's really bad!" He cried as Kili took another long gulp before downing the entire thing.

"Well, I guess some people don't like it but it is really good." He let out a loud belch.

"Mommy, Mommy! I want to do that!" He clapped his hands excitedly.

"No you don't." I stated without looking down.

"Yes I do!" he cried before reaching his little hand over to grab at an unclaimed mug.

Before I could stop him he had placed the mug to his little mouth took a large gulp. His eyes grew large and he made large spitting noise.

"No, Alex, no!" I cried as he attempted to rid himself of the taste.

"That's right, Laddie, we will make a dwarf out of you yet!" One of the men called from across the table.

"That is not very good!" he told Kili with a frown.

"That would be because it is an adult drink. It isn't meant for little boys, even Princes." I told him with a serious look.

"When will it be good, Mommy?"

"When you are as old as I am." I answered without thought.

"How old are you, Mommy?"

"Twenty nine."

"But I am only this many." He held up three fingers.

"Yes you are, my little prince."

"Excuse me." One of the men with an oversized knitted sweater on called. "Did you say you were twenty nine?"

"Yes, I'm sorry what is your name?" I questioned.

"Beg pardon, my name is Ori. Please is that really your age?"

"Yes, what of it?" I was completely bewildered by this line of questioning.

"Well, that makes you the youngest." He stated before emanating a loud burp that caused the group to go up in cheer.

"Alright then who was the youngest?" I questioned with a laugh.

"That would be Master Kili." Gandalf waved his hand in Kili's direction. "You are younger by quite a bit as well."

"I see. Here, son, have a piece of bread it will take the taste away." I comforted. "And next time when I say no it means no! Okay so tell me your names again." I addressed the whole table.

One by one they started listing off their names. So far I had Nori, Dori, Ori, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dwalin, and then there were a couple of oin's but I could not keep them straight. By this point I knew Kili and he had already introduced me to his brother. Most of them were so intent on eating they could not be bothered to spare more than a few grunts as each of their names were called. I blinked quickly as a roll flew past my head and was caught in the mouth of the fat one called Bombur.

"More please!" Alex whined. As he clapped his little hands together at the show these men were putting on.

Before I could get another piece of meat for him Kili placed a large plate piled high with meat and potatoes in front of him.

"Finish that and then bed. You met the people now sleep."

Alex took several bites before proclaiming that he was done.

"Here you go." Fili yelled as he swiped the plate and dumped the remaining food on the fat man's plate.

He tossed the plate to his brother who chucked it around the room as if he were playing a game of football. Somewhere in the background I heard Bilbo complaining about blunting the knives. Before I could comprehend what was happening several of them began to hum a tune that matched their stomping feet. I almost choked on my laugh as I heard Kili begin to sing.

It was a merry song that I soon lost the words to and became transfixed on the sound of them creating music. Plates were still tossed around as if they were plastic and silverware was tossed with little regards to eyeballs or small fingers. I wanted to yell or say something but just as I worked up the courage to halt their game it came to an end. I ran to the kitchen with Bilbo and found all of the dishes, unbroken, stacked neatly in the sink.

"Well I suppose my job is done." I laughed as I pat Bilbo on the back. "It will be alright they are just having a bit of fun. And, you, bed now!" I pointed at Alex.

He let out a soft giggle.

"Mommy, do your song!" He cried while clapping his hands.

"Not tonight maybe some other time."

"No, Mommy do the you and Daddy song." He insisted.

"Daddy's not here to do his part." I warned with a tear in my eye.

"Do the you and Daddy song!" He repeated with more vigour.

"Alex, I have already told you I don't want to sing the song."

"Please, Mommy, Please!" he cried throwing himself around wildly.

I lost words and simply picked him up and carried him away from all of the people. It took me twenty minutes before I was able to get him to stop screaming and start sleeping.

By the time I made it back to the others they had transformed into entirely different personalities.

"What's wrong, you all look as if you have seen a ghost?" I laughed and was rather shocked when they did not respond in a similar fashion.

Suddenly the crowd parted and I could see what they had all gathered around. A man with an imperious gaze looked at me in curiosity. I could feel his eyes size me up and I immediately felt not good enough. Feeling stupid for wearing a child's toy on my head I immediately reached up and swiped the tiara off my head.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Catherine." I greeted with a smiled that hid my nerves.

"Yes." He stated finally stated before turning his back on me and rounding on Bilbo.

"I'm sorry, your name is?" I cut in realising it was rude but I refused to be so easily dismissed.

"My name is Thorin Okenshield. Any further questions?" He snapped while glaring daggers at me.

"No, I'm good." I forced a smile.

"Right. So you are our burglar?" he questioned Bilbo. "Tell me, what weapon do you favour?"

Bilbo fumbled for a minute before giving a rather lame response. I could feel the judgement rolling off Thorin in waves. I needed to jump in and save him; I could not just let him fumble under Thorin's gaze.

"Hey! What's with the third degree? If you don't like him just say so but you and your friends have made ample use of his home and food. If anything that requires a small amount of gratitude, not public embarrassment!" I called from the corner I stood in.

Every pair of eyes turned to look at me and I could feel the blush colouring my cheeks.

"Do you have any idea who I am?" Thorin asked with a sneer.

"Should I? Do you have any idea who I am?" I retorted without much thought.

"I am Thorin, King Under the Mountain." He whispered in a deadly tone.

"Well mountain king! I am Catherine Chilton, daughter of Richard Chilton, head of a multibillion-dollar company. I was raised with proper manners, which you are sorely lacking!" I shouted.

"I thought you name was Taylor." Dwalin questioned with a sneer.

"My husband's name was Taylor, but he has abandoned his responsibility so I have abandoned his name. I am Catherine Chilton and I demand respect even from some puffed up king I have never heard of!" I yelled with a small stop of my foot.

"I have had enough of this." Thorin declared with a snarl. "Let us sit."

I moved over and placed a hand on Bilbo's back in a gesture of comfort.

"Are you alright?" I whispered with concern.

"Yes, I am fine but I will be better when they leave my house." He smiled with tired eyes.

"I have to tell you something. I was talking to Gandalf and he told me there was a place that I could settle down and find a place to raise Alex. I am going to go with them." I told him as gently as I could.

"You could stay here. This is a very nice place to raise a boy." He smiled.

"I love it here, you know that, but it's not home." I whispered sadly.

"Perhaps, I just hoped."

"I wish I could stay here forever. It is a very nice place to live. I wish I could be completely content here."

"I understand."

We looked at each other for a moment before nodding and moving off to listen to the others.


	4. Breakfast of Champions

Bilbo and I walked in on the fourteen dwarves and Gandalf discussing important matters regarding a journey to some far away place. I carefully slunk past most of the dwarves before making myself comfortable on Kili's right hand side closest to Bombur, and the kitchen. Not only was it the best place to be encase I needed to excuse myself for whatever reason, but it was also the closest to Fili and Kili, whom I felt the most connected to. Perhaps it was because of our closeness in age, but I suspected it had more to do with the simple fact that I had met them first and liked them better than the ones that questioned my skill as a parent. I tuned out the majority of the conversation, assuming that is simply did not apply to me. After all I figured I was using this group more as a road map than an active part.

It was not until Bilbo made a loud sound from the hearth where he was perched. I looked over and gasped as he made the loudest shriek I had ever heard.

"Bilbo, are you okay?" I shouted desperately.

"He is just shocked by the dragon." Bofur stated in a knowing voice.

"Dra-dragon?" I stuttered, "Are you serious, that is what you are going after? I don't have to know much of this world to know that this will go poorly. I am just glad I will be hopping off this loony train soon enough." I rambled as I made my way closer to Bilbo.

As I got closer I saw a piece of thick paper resting beside Bilbo's prone body. I picked it up and slowly read what appeared to be a contract.

"This is what you gave him to make him start screaming? Well no wonder, you don't need a burglar, you need a lawyer! You can't go about saying things like 'large possibility of incineration' in the first line." I admonished as I examined the document further. "Who wrote this?" I questioned briefly.

All eyes fell in the old one with a long white beard; I believe his name was Balin.

"What a beautiful way to say almost certain death. Next time stop at two ways to die, and rather than putting both laceration as well as evisceration let's just pick one. Sound good?" I questioned with a snort. "And you can't notarise something before it as been signed, it's just bad business."

I placed the paper down on the table by Thorin and bent over to help Bilbo off the floor and into a soft armchair.

"What would you know of contracts?" Thorin asked as I walked back into the room.

"Three years of Law School and working in corporate America? Yeah I signed, wrote, and looked over more than my fair share of contracts." I laughed without much humour.

"Have you no fears about a dragon?" He asked shortly.

"Well I don't expect to be getting that far. My son and I are headed for the first town I deem respectable enough and stopping there. It doesn't really matter that I don't believe for a second that dragons exist." I summed up with an air of light heartedness I did not feel.

"You and your son?" Thorin questioned again with wide eyes. "You cannot bring a child on this journey. It is neither safe nor practical." He insisted.

I had to suppress a groan as I heard this.

"Seriously? Gandalf already gave me the go ahead! He's the one that invited me on this little trip in the first place. You can act all you like that you are the leader but lets be honest, you don't command much more than the direction of your 'macho man' glares." I stated quietly.

I moved to sit back down and Kili turned his head to look at me with wide eyes.

"There are not many that would dare talk to my uncle that way." He warned with a voice that sounded in awe.

"There are not many whom would deem it wise to anger me." I stated back with a smile.

They continued to talk and the conversations delve deep into the night. At some point Bilbo re-joined the group and began acting as if he knew what he was talking about. Only I, and perhaps Gandalf, could see that he was terrified of what was coming. It sounded as if he agreed to go on the journey and deal with this dragon. It was finally Bilbo that called for everyone to make themselves comfortable and have a good night's rest before the morning. It was not until Thorin put in his breakfast order that it looked as if little Bilbo's head was about to spin off his neck.

"Actually, breakfast is my domain, and in my house it's get what you get and don't throw a fit. Understand?" I glowered at each and every one of them daring them to raise a complaint.

They said nothing.

"Good that's settled then. Off to bed all of you!" I demanded with a shooing of my arms. The mother was coming out in me.

"Lady Catherine, could I have a word?" Fili asked with a genuine smile that made me have to say yes.

I nodded briefly before following him out the door.

"Are you a princess?" He asked suddenly as we stepped into Bilbo's small garden.

I laughed.

"No, sir. I'm just your run of the mill heiress, not even the important one. My older sister, Stephanie, is going to take the business when my father passes. We don't have royalty where I'm from." I explained with a laugh. "Why do you ask?"

"The crown you were wearing earlier," He paused to look at me.

"That is a toy. It is made out of cheap metal and fake diamonds. They sparkle like all get out but are worth next to nothing." I pulled out the tiara and showed him the back of it.

He nodded silently before asking another question.

"Why are you coming with us?"

"To find a home. I don't have one anymore and I can't raise my child as a wanderer. Why are you asking all of these questions?" I asked slowly.

"I'm just trying to see if I should become attached to you or not." He stated as he walked away leaving me confused in the middle of a tomato patch.

As I walked back into the house I overheard a muffled conversation.

"You were being so nice to her and her kid, as if you could slip it past me." The voice stated with smugness I could only assume belonged to Fili.

"I was just trying to make her feel better about Alex hitting me with his arrow." The other justified.

"Yes, brother, I am sure you are planning on making her feel a lot better." Fili joked. "How could you even begin to show an interest in her? No beard and taller than you by a fair amount. Did you hear how old she is? Barely old enough to be leaving the house! And she has a son which can only begin to tell you of her past." He continued.

With every word Fili spoke I angered further. First he acts as if he is my friend and then he goes about trash talking me! There was a loud thump and a cry that made me jump and let out a large gasp. They must have heard me as two heads popped out from around the wall with matching guilty expressions. Fili looked as if he was nursing a head wound and Kili was as bright as a tomato.

"Having a productive conversation?" I asked innocently.

"Yes, Lady Catherine." Kili stated with a small bow his cheeks still an amusing colour of crimson.

"Just Catherine." I corrected. "Married and divorced makes me anything but a lady." I snorted. "I am headed to bed. I believe it would be in your best interest to do so as well. Oh and Fili, the next time I hear you talking about me behind my back I won't hesitate to cut off that beard, you are so fond of, in your sleep." I called as I headed down the corridor to my room.

I fell asleep that night mixed between emotions of rage and confusion. The rage was obvious yet I was lost in replaying the conversation I heard over and over as I lay in bed. What did it mean that Kili was showing an interest in me? The way I saw it, he was just one of the friendlier dwarves in the bunch. Perhaps I was misreading the signs, I had been out of the dating world for eleven years, but even if I had I still doubted my readiness to start a new relationship. As I closed my eyes I heard Alex sighing softly as if in the midst of a pleasant dream.

I rose before the sun and quickly moved across the empty halls and into the pantry. I looked around at the mess the dwarves had left and fumed internally. There was plenty of food left for breakfast however it was seemingly buried under empty wrappers and plates. I made quiet work of finding the ingredients I needed and left the mess for someone else to clean.

I hummed to myself as I cracked two-dozen eggs into a bowl and began whisking them around. It was one of the free times I was able to do something just for me. I didn't have to repeat Disney songs to amuse Alex and censor my every other word.

The first song that popped into my head had a light tune and the words spoke of a jazz era where the skirts were short and the booze were cheap. I danced around clumsily as I sung the words with a soft whisper in an attempt not to wake anyone.

I had decided on French toast and bacon to match with the sausages and biscuits. I fried a pound of potatoes and hoped it would be enough. Judging by the last night's display, I highly doubted I could ever make enough food to satisfy them all. At the last minute I second guessed my numbers and added another dozen fried eggs to the menu.

By the time the first dwarf made his appearance at the table I was knee deep in cooking oil and sausage links.

"Morning!" I called cheerfully as I brought out trays laden with meat and biscuits. "You are Bombi, right?" I asked with a questioned with a glance.

"A valiant try." He laughed. "The name's Bofur, Lady Catherine." He bowed slightly.

"Right sorry, the fat one is Bombi?" I asked again hoping at least someone's name was Bombi.

"That would be Bombur." He clarified with another chuckle.

"Is there a Bombi?" I finally asked with a blush staining my face.

"Afraid not." He shook his head in amusement.

"Okay so now that I have embarrassed myself enough I am going to grab drinks. I have milk, juice, coffee, and tea. Pick your poison." I encouraged with a smile.

"Tea would be most appreciated." He smiled warmly.

"Coming up!"

I decided right then that I liked him. He wasn't rude and didn't make fun of me messing up their names. He was polite and courteous, all things that went a long way in my book.

I went back into the kitchen and collected enough plates and silverware to set the table and made quick work of the table as I made light conversation with Bofur. As the conversation went quiet I began to hum again. This time it was a more modern song about a stripper. The song was completely inappropriate for Alexander's ears so I very rarely even thought of it. However today it was the first thing that caught in my mind. I stopped as soon as I realised that I had begun to sing the song aloud and was swaying my hips with a little too much vigour to be appropriate.

"Sorry," I apologised with a glance at Bofur.

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself." Came a harsh call from the hall.

I turned to look at Thorin with a glare.

"I was. I see no need to defend myself to you!" I defended with a snort.

As I looked past Thorin I saw that the rest of the dwarves peering around. My face became red as I attempted to move past my embarrassment.

"Well, come on! Breakfast is getting cold." I called and the dwarves all took that as a sign to sit around the table helping themselves to the heaps of food I had made.

I bustled around placing syrup, honey, catsup, salt, pepper, sugar and cream on the table before I grabbed two plates and piled food onto them before covering them both with a towel in the kitchen, It had not escaped my attention that Bilbo had yet to make it to the table or even out of his room. I turned around to see a very sleepy Alex standing in the doorway.

"Good morning, little prince. Guess what we are doing today? We are going on an Adventure!" I stated excitedly.

"Right now?" he asked with wide eyes.

"No, right now we are eating breakfast and I just made you a plate. I think there is a place for you to sit at the table." I smiled.

He slowly tottered his way out to the table and immediately stopped still.

"Mommy!" He called from the doorway.

"Yes, love?" I stopped as I saw that Thorin was looking at my son with the same appraising look he had fixed me with.

I sighed as I scooped Alex up and set him down on my lap with a plate of food in front of us.

"Don't look at him, little prince. Mean men don't deserve much attention." I whispered with a small tickle making him let out a little giggle.

We ate quickly and with minimal talking. I realised most of the dwarves were nursing hangovers from the previous night and I quickly got up and poured them each a small glass of ale.

"Hair of the dog." I explained with a shrug as I moved back to sit down.

Though the expression was met with curious glances all of them drank the amber liquid without complaint. Intermittently there was a grunt of appreciation for the food I had cooked and even a few of them spoke actual words of gratitude which I vowed to remember and think on some other time I was feeling down. As we finished our meal I quickly scooped up several of the plates and dishes and threw them into the sink. I had already cleaned most of the pots and pans I had used and began washing rest before leaving them to Bifur to dry and put away.

As I looked around and saw that there was a fairly substantial mess left behind and slowly moved to clean up the dirt and mud that had been tracked into the house. I cared for Bilbo and did not want him to wake up to a messy house. I scrubbed the floor as the dwarves went about collecting their belongings.

"Why are you doing that?" a soft voice asked from behind me. I recognised it as Kili after a moments thought.

"Because I would feel bad if I left a home in this state, especially after he has been so nice to me the past several days." I explained without looking up from my work.

"No, I mean with your status. Shouldn't you be allocating others to do demeaning tasks like scrubbing floors?" He asked as he leaned on the wall.

"My father wasn't born into money or status. He made it with his own two hands. He taught my sister and me if we wanted anything accomplished in this world we would have to do it ourselves. I don't like scrubbing floors, but I don't see it as beneath me. I may have wanted for nothing but that was not because I got off on others doing the work for me." Looked around at him briefly. "Don't you have something to do?" I asked, not to be rude but rather to get him to stop staring at me as if I was blue with two heads.

"Yes, yes forgive me." He muttered as he walked off in another direction.

I sighed realizing I had probably hurt his feelings but returned to my work. I had already packed a small bag with Alex's toys and a spare shirt and pair of pants I had found that would fit him. I was ready to go that minute if they told me too. Bombur came up to me and smiled with warm eyes.

"Excuse me lass. I just wanted to thank you for breakfast. There are few that understand the appetite of dwarves. And it was good too." He complemented. "I actually had a favour to ask you. It was to be my job to prepare the meals on account of I eat so much but I really hate the job." He paused to look at me.

"Well I am flattered that you liked breakfast and I would gladly cook the meals while we are traveling but I cannot guarantee I will be with you for too long. Besides if I were to do the cooking it would mean you would have to watch Alex and make sure he didn't wander away." I warned with a smile.

"It would be no trouble at all. I have always loved children." He rushed.

"Well then, Bombur, I would be happy to cook the meals while we travel." I smiled "Oh you are probably going to need this." I handed him the tiara with a chuckle.

With a confused look he took the tiara from my head and placed it in his knapsack with a soft pat.

We all met outside where Gandalf was leading a small heard of ponies and two larger horses. I looked at them in horror I had been taught traditional English riding skills but had given up on the sport after I was thrown off during one particularly awful practice.

"No I don't ride horses!" I exclaimed emphatically.

"Mommy, Mommy look!" Alex cried. "Pony!" he cried as he attempted to move forward.

"No, no son. You are too small I don't want you trampled." I insisted.

"Can you not ride?" Ori asked with a concerned look.

"I can, I make a conscious decision not to." I responded with a slight shiver.

"Catherine, you will have to ride. There is no other way to get to where we are going." Gandalf explained with a soft smile.

I took a deep steadying breath.

"You could always ride with me." Kili offered. "And Alex could ride with Fili."

"No, I want my kid with me. I can do it!" I tried to smile. "Alex, look we are going to ride a horse!" I spoke animatedly in an attempt to hide my fears.

"Yay!" He cried clapping his little hands.

"Wait, where's Bilbo?" I finally asked as I realised we were all leaving at that moment.

"He has made the decision not to come." Thorin stated briskly.

"What? Last night it sounded like he was coming." I argued.

"Obviously he changed his mind."

I frowned before turning around and stomping into the house. I knew they would not wait for me to wake him up so I decided to leave him a small note to follow after us once he had woken up and placed it by the plate of food I had prepared for him earlier.

When I came back out the rest were all on ponies with one laden with supplies. There was a horse waiting for me and I wanted to be sick a little. I whipped my long brown tresses into a soft bun out of my face and approached the horse. Gandalf came over and gave me a slight boost into the saddle and hoisted Alexander up in front of me so my arms wrapped around him protectively.

We started out at a particularly leisurely pace and I found myself falling in the middle of both Fili and Kili towards the back. It was Kili that started the betting on whether Bilbo would join them or not. He looked at me and I smiled.

"I have faith that Bilbo will come. He was far too interested last night to just forget about it." I stated calmly. "If I had the money I would bet on it."

"You have no money?" Fili asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I keep my gold doubloons in my other dress." I joked lightly before I saw a small pouch fly over to Balin.

"Two-hundred on Bilbo!" Kili called. "And if I win, we will spit the profit." He whispered to me with a wink.

I was too stunned to say anything for a moment. I was suddenly snapped back to reality when I realised what he was saying.

"And if I am wrong?" I asked as soon as I was able to close my mouth.

"If you are wrong I will be out two-hundred dollars and I will be very cross. I might not talk to you for a few minutes." He joked with a smile.

From the corner of my eye I say Fili shaking his head and muttering something I could not understand.

I decided to ignore it for the moment but I was having a difficult time hiding my anger.


	5. The Record

"Mommy, how long are we going to be on a horsey?" Alex asked after only ten minutes into the journey.

"A lot longer, love, we probably won't stop until it gets dark." I explained softly. "Does your bum hurt?" I asked concernedly. "You can wiggle a little and it will feel a little better."

He nodded with a small wiggle in his seat.

"Can you sing a road trip song?" He asked in a small voice.

"Which one? I can sing 'the wheels on the bus' you like that one." I offered.

"No, no! I want seven dwarves!" He shouted.

I laughed and shot a look at Kili, who was looking at me with a curious gaze.

"Which one Love? Silly Song?"

"Yay! I love that one!" he stated with glee.

"Okay let's see, how does this one go again?" I asked with a smile.

"Lodle, lodle, lodle!" Alex cried.

"Oh that's right! Can I skip the yodel part? I can't do that part very well, I can hum it though."

"Okay, sing the song!" He encouraged with a small pout.

I started to hum softly.

_"I'd like to dance and tap my feet, but they won't keep in rhythm. You see, I washed them both today and I can't do nothing with 'em. _

_Ho hum the tune is dumb, the words don't mean a thing. Isn't this a silly song for anyone to sing?_

_I chased a polecat up a tree, way out on upon a limb, and when he got the best of me I got the worst of him._

_Ho hum the tune is dumb, the words don't mean a thing. Isn't this a silly song for anyone to sing?" _I laughed at the tune as soon as I was done singing, hoping Alex would see that I was happy and become happy as well. I had learned very early on that it was incredibly easier to travel far distances if the kids were happy.

"That was a funny one." He laughed as he bobbed his head up and down.

"Yes it was!" I repeated as I turned back to focus on the road.

"Would you mind telling me why that song is called seven dwarves? It has nothing to do with dwarves from what I can tell." Fili asked.

"It's a children's story about a princess that runs a way from her evil queen stepmother and finds a home in the woods with seven dwarves. Alex and his cousin love that story. You watch it every time you guys are together." I looked down at Alex.

"That's because Lucca says he is going to be Grumpy when he grows up but he says I can only be Dopey. I don't really like Dopey." Alex explained.

"I don't know why Lucca would say that. It isn't very nice." I shook my head once again questioning my sister's style of parenting. "Grumpy and Dopey are the names of the dwarves, their names are representative of their personalities."

"Those are not dwarfish names and they are an insult to our race!" Kili protested.

"It is not my favourite movie!" Alex interrupted with a scowl. "It is Lucca's favourite movie! I only like Iron Man, he always gets the girls!" he declared.

"Where did you learn something like that? Did your father take you to see that after I told him not to?" I asked, irate at Stephen's lack of parenting sense.

"Yeah but it's a secret!" Alex whispered.

"Wait for me! I'm coming!" shouted a small voice, that sounded excited and breathless, from around the bend we had just past.

Everyone stopped as they heard the voice and turned around. I saw Bilbo trotting up waving that poor excuse of a contract around screaming that he had signed it. Balin declared that everything was in order and Thorin begrudgingly commanded that he be given a pony. When Bilbo started to protest and insist that he could walk I let out a small cry of indignation.

"If Bilbo gets to walk I certainly should be able to walk! I have longer legs, I could easily make double his time!" I voiced loudly.

"No one is walking!" Gandalf stated with finality.

Fili and Kili exchanged devilish grins as they rode forward and hoisted Bilbo up into the saddle of the supply pony.

We rode for several hours and by the end of it not only was my butt sore I was also tired and had long exhausted my supply of memorised Disney songs. Alex was cranky and every ten minutes he would ask if we were there yet.

"Alexander Declan Taylor, we are not there and we will not be there until we stop! If you would stop asking the time will pass faster." I finally shouted after I realised Alex was starting to get nasty glares from some of the group.

"Here laddie, have a sweet." Bofur whispered as he saw the tears forming in Alex's eyes.

He gently placed a sweet in Alex's hand before riding ahead of us. I wanted to be mad that Alex had acted like a brat and gotten rewarded for it but his little face lit up so brightly that I could not find a way to possibly maintain my anger. Alex placed the small hard candy in his mouth and grinned up at me. As we came to a gradual halt I looked out at the expanse we had travelled, not incredibly far but we had stopped on a great outlook above everything else. Trees that had once looked like giants were suddenly shrunken and you truly felt as if you were on top of the world.

I looked around at the group that had collapsed off of the ponies and onto their bottoms. I remained up on my horse unsure of how to best get off without scaring Alexander, who had fallen asleep only a few hours earlier.

"Here let me help you." Kili offered as he rose up and walked over to me.

I smiled and attempted to be appreciative.

"That is really kind of you but I think I might need someone a bit taller to help me with Alex." I reasoned with a gesture over at my sleeping son.

"Let me see my dear." Gandalf called as he got up and made his way over to us.

Kili shrunk off to the background somewhere. I would have looked to follow him if my attention was not entirely focused on not waking Alex. Gandalf hoisted Alex up and handed him gently to Bombur, who had cleared a small space for him amidst the clutter of weapons and supplies.

"Is that really the safest place for him?" I fretted about, nervous to leave him out of my sight in this strange place. "Can we move the weapons away from his head? Oh and watch his arms!" I called as Gandalf lifted me off the horse.

"Calm now Lady Catherine, he is perfectly safe there. I believe you did promise us a meal." Bofur assured softly.

"Right. Okay, if you are sure." I stated, still worrying. "What do you all want? Oh I have an idea!"

There were shouts of requests as to what I should make but I simply tuned out all of it as I went about my business. I found most of what I needed but lacked a knife.

"Anyone got a knife?" I asked softly as I dug around in the bags of things.

I found butter, flour, tomatoes, and onion in addition to an assortment of much more fragile and perishable items however a knife was not kept in any of the bags. I looked up to see both Fili and Kili holding several knifes for me to pick from.

"Well, I guess that solves that problem." I muttered as I smiled at the two men. "Thank you Kili." I whispered as I selected one of the knives he offered me.

I was still mad at Fili for his actions and refused to speak a word to him directly for the time being. Mostly because I feared if I allowed myself to start talking to him it would lead to me yelling at him and would only ostracise myself from the group further. I got up and repositioned myself in front of the fire next to Bilbo and across the way from Fili and Kili. I was still within reaching distance of Alex and was determined to stay that way until I had gotten us both out of this mess.

"I am glad you came." I stated to Bilbo rather than the customary greeting.

"I can't even tell you why I did it, to be honest. I don't belong here." Bilbo muttered as he looked around at the dwarves.

"Yeah, because I really belong here?" I questioned sarcastically. "I'm just glad I have a friend here, someone that won't judge me because of my age, someone that Alex knows." I nudged him playfully. "You will get used to it, we both will."

I returned to chopping the carrots and celery in silence. There were little more than mutters from the rest of the group until I poured several bottles of wine into the pot I was using.

"Oy! Just what do you think you are doing?" Fili yelled as he looked back at his brother with wide eyes.

"Cooking." I stated as I kept my eye trained on the pot that was propped over the fire.

"Wasting good wine!" he yelled, gaining the rest of the groups attention.

"Calm down and stop screaming. I am cooking, you will enjoy the meal once I am finished and you will be glad I used the wine." I explained calmly as I continued to add ingredients.

I covered the soup and let it continue bubbling over the open fire. I sat back and looked at Alex, he looked so peaceful sleeping amongst the supplies using the flour sack as a pillow.

"So what's for dinner?" Bofur finally asked after several minutes of my inactivity.

"Coq au vin, one of my favourite dishes as a kid, but I don't know how it will work on an open fire like this. I saw a chef do it once on a moving boat with a small camp stove and it turned out all right for him. I figured I would give it a shot as well. Besides I am not on a boat and I have a knife, so I figure I'm one up on him."

"When will it be ready?" he asked again with wide eyes.

"It takes time! I promise I will let you know when it is done." I rolled my eyes. "Here's your knife back Kili." I called as I handed back the small blade.

He raised his hand and waved me back.

"Keep it. I have plenty and if you are going to be making meals you will need one." He smiled at me.

"Uh thanks, I suppose." I mumbled as I looked down at the knife.

It was not anything fancy; in fact I had purposely chosen one that looked the most worn and used in case I ruined it in anyway. It had a solid wooden handle and a blade that was black with age and use. I slowly turned to put it away when I caught a light hand on my arm. I spun around quickly and was face to face with Kili.

"Do you not like me?" he asked quietly.

"No, I like you very much. Far more than I like the rest of these dwarves but that is only because they do not like me." I explained with a furrowed brow. "I'm sorry have I done something to offend you?"

"No, I just wondered. It seemed as if you went out of your way to force me away from you." He elaborated.

"Listen, I don't know what sort of thing you got going on in your mind right now, but the first thing on my mind, always, is Alex. I'm sorry if you felt as if my actions were against you." I defended with a shake of my head. "You have to understand, I am in this world I know nothing about with people unlike any I have ever met and I am trying to keep it all together so my son doesn't become upset because I can't stand to see him cry. I like you, I think you are a kind person and have been nothing but helpful, but I need to make sure my son has a roof over his head, food in his belly, and clothes on his back. I can barely provide any of these things for him but I need to do it all with a smile so he doesn't catch on! Now thank you for the knife, that was very kind of you. Would you please let go of my arm?"

"My apologies Lady Catherine." He stated as he bowed his head and moved over to the fire with his brother.

I sighed and moved away. I did not mean to be rude or unappreciative for anything but right now all I could focus on was making sure Alexander was distracted enough so that he did not notice my fears. I was the magician, forcing him to look at one hand while the other preformed the trick.

"Wake up my sweet baby boy!" I carefully nudged Alex awake. "I made dinner and guess what?" I asked animatedly. "It's Uncle Jon's secret recipe!" I answered without waiting for a response.

"With Lucca and Stephanie?" he asked brightly as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"No, with our new friends! But guess what? I called Stephanie on the phone today, while you were sleeping, and do you know what she told me? She said that she and Lucca were really excited to hear about all the new friends you had made and said that you should invite them all to your birthday party!" I told him brightly.

"When I turn this many?" He asked as he held up four little fingers.

"Yes love, when you turn four we are going to have a birthday party with toys and cake and presents." I explained carefully in an attempt not to promise too much.

"But is that a very far way away?" Alex asked as he quirked his head to the side and pursed his lips.

"Well, it's like in the middle of a far way." I explained in a soft voice.

"And all my new friends can come?" he asked excitedly.

"Well we have to ask them first."

"But Mommy, come here." He gestured as he whispered in my ear. "I don't want to invite the mean man." He looked up at me with his big blue eyes.

"That's okay, you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to." I comforted as I rubbed small circles into his back. "Now lets eat some dinner before bed."

"Mommy, can I have a story before bed?" he asked in a soft voice as we walked towards the fire.

"Yes you can. How about Goodnight Moon?" I offered.

"Okay, but first food." He stated.

"Yes my little prince of thieves, first food."


	6. Fortune Telling

"Mommy, tell me about my life." Alex requested, causing me to choke on the bite of chicken I had just taken.

"What do you want to know love?" I finally got out after I stopped dying on the food in my mouth.

"First how I was born."

"Well, let's see." I paused looking around at the dwarves that were all starring intently at me.

I gave them a pointed glare before returning to Alex. They all looked away but it was almost as if I could feel there ears prying into our conversation.

"You were born in the month of February, it was cold and rainy. Early in the morning I was laying in bed reading a book about baby names, because I had still not decided on your name, when I felt a really strong kick, right here in my belly, and I knew it was you.

"So I called Daddy at work and told him to come home, and I called Granddad, and I called Stephanie and Uncle Jonathon and I told them all to meet me at the hospital because you were coming into the world. Then when your daddy got home I didn't want to go to the hospital because they would make me lay down so we waited until I knew you were ready. We walked around and we went by the stream you like and all over the backyard until I was sure you were ready.

"When we got to the hospital you were so ready to come into the world, I got yelled at by the nurse for waiting so long to come in and see you. And then before you knew it you popped out of my belly and cried to find me because you were so scared at all the new people. But then you saw me and I took you in my arms and held you to my chest and I loved you so much that I didn't know what I would do if I ever had to let go of you.

"You were in the world for thirty whole minutes without a name, but when grandma saw you she took one look at you and said: 'He looks just like my daddy, Alexander.' And I loved the name so much that I decided that was your name. Once your daddy saw you he looked so happy and he cried. Do you know what he said? He told me that you looked just like his daddy so we made that your middle name. And that is how you were born." I smiled as I looked at him.

Alex's little eyes were drooping but he kept forcing them open.

"But what about the future?" Alex asked as he sagged further into my lap.

"What part of the future do you want to know about first?"

"When I'm five."

"When you are five, I will teach you how to ride a bike and how to read and may other important things every five year old should know. And when you are ten, you will be a big boy and I will send you to get the mail from the end of the street all by yourself. And when you are fourteen you will meet a girl and kiss her for the first time. Then when you turn sixteen you will go to a dance with your girlfriend and you will learn how to dance. When you are eighteen you will run away from home for two days and I will worry and be very sad but then you will come back and tell me about all of your adventures.

"At twenty you will meet a girl that makes your heart stop and you will get all tongue tied but eventually you will ask her out and she will say yes. And once you turn twenty-two you will bring the girl to meet me and I will not like her one bit, but that will not stop you from marrying her. Then you will be my age and have a child you adore and I will finally like the woman you marry because she gave me a little grandchild and gave you a little baby and that is one of the best gifts in the entire world." I whispered.

I placed a small kiss on his forehead when I heard a snore come from his little body. I laughed silently as I gently picked him up and positioned him on the ground beside me.

"That was a nice story." Kili finally stated as he looked across the fire at me.

"He will have everything he wants in this world, even if it kills me to get it for him. He will want for absolutely nothing." I stated with determination.

"A child that wants for nothing will grow to know nothing of the world." Thorin interjected with a sneer and a disappointed look at both Fili and Kili before he stormed off.

I shook my head trying to ignore Thorin's hurtful words. I slowly got up and peered inside the large pot that had contained supper, it was empty.

"I guess I will wash this tomorrow." I muttered as I suppressed a yawn.

"We should be passing by a small river in the morning, it will be a good time for all of us to clean up a little." Bofur stated with a genuine smile.

"Right, well I suppose I should go to bed." I said as I heard a loud shriek emanate from somewhere. "Alex?" I called as I looked around sharply.

I found him still asleep where I had left him and my heart rate slowly normalised.

"What was that?" Bilbo asked looking just as frightened as I felt.

"Orc's" Fili stated as he looked over the ledge.

"Filthy beasts that attack in the night. They leave no survivors, only blood." Kili interjected.

Whatever rate I had gotten my heart down to shot up again at the description of these things. I could barely supress my instinct to run to Alex as I turned around. Kili must have seen how much their story frightened me because he immediately nudged his brother to stop.

"You think an Orc raid is funny, that it is a laughing matter? Don't you see? Children no nothing of the world." Thorin grumbled before turning around to face the rock he had been leaning against.

I pulled Alex close to me and placed a protective hand over his chest.

"These Orc's, they wont come up here though. Will they? We are safe, right?" I questioned with a nervous shake in my voice.

"You would be right to fear Orc's, Lassie." Balin informed me with a nod of his head. "There was one particularly terrible Orc; his name was Azog the Defiler. When we tired to reclaim Moria Azog was there, he killed Thorin's father and grandfather. Thorin holds more anger towards the Orc than most yet his anger is not misplaced."

I lost all ability to speak. I did not know that such beasts, as terrible and as brutal as Balin described, could exist in reality.

"And what happened to this Azog?" Bilbo question with a nervous look to the valley below.

"He was slain at the battle of Moria by Thorin's cousin, Dain." Balin stated with confidence.

"I just need to go to bed. I can't deal with all of this right now. I cannot imagine and I don't think I want to." I finally stated. "What I really want is a warm shower and a soft bed, a good book and a glass of wine." I grumbled softly, hoping no one heard my complaints.

I made myself as comfortable as possible sleeping on the hard cold ground as I curled myself around Alex. Sleep almost immediately took its grasp on me and I dreamt fretfully about Orc's. I imagined them as scarred creatures similar to dogs with rough patches of hair growing at every direction. They were large, easily twice the size of a human, and had teeth as large and sharp as a shark.

Suddenly there was a sharp pressure on my shoulder that caused me to rouse from my disturbing dream. I looked around wildly expecting to see the wolf like face of my imagination's creation. Instead I saw Alex's little face peering at me in question. It was still dark but I could tell from the sky that it was closer to morning than night.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly as I looked around at the rest of the sleeping group.

"You were crying Mommy, why?" Alex asked in a small voice. "Did you have a bad dream about Daddy? I sometimes have those. It's okay Mommy, don't be sad." He told me as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Oh, my prince, I love you so much. Yes it was a bad dream but when I woke up and I saw your face I knew it was all going to be all right."

"But Mommy what about my new daddy? When will he come and teach me about the outdoors?" Alex questioned as he pulled away to look at me.

"Well honey, it's not that easy. I haven't had a chance to look for a new daddy yet." I explained with a small cough.

"But you promised!" he exclaimed with a small pout.

"And I promise I will but you have to give me me time to find our new house first." I told him in a stern voice.

"What new house?"

"The one we are going to live in after we are done with this adventure."

"But I don't want to move, I like my home." Alex argued.

"I liked our home too but now we are going to find a better home." I told him as I got up to start making breakfast.

"Where is our new home?"

"That's the really great part, we get to choose! We are going to travel on our Adventure and find all sorts of new places. We can choose which place we want to stay in."

"But I just want to go home!" He yelled and stomped his little feet, causing several of the dwarves to wake up and turn to look for the source of the noise.

"I know you do! I want to go back home to but we can't, we don't have that home anymore. Now please stop yelling. If you are still tired you should go back to sleep, if not you have to be quiet because the others are sleeping." I told him, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

"No! I. Want. To. Yell!" he screamed.

"Alexander Declan Taylor, you will stop making that noise right his second." I whispered.

Alex immediately stopped his tirade and looked at me in shock. I had never used that tone with him and hoped to never use it again. He suddenly looked very sleepy and he laid himself down on the ground again.

"I am still mad." He whispered as his eyes began drooping down further and further until they were entirely closed.

"I know you are, my prince." I whispered as I turned back around to find the makings of breakfast.

By the time the rest of the dwarves had awakened breakfast was ready. They made quick work of the food I had made and began talking amongst themselves as they prepared to leave.

"Did anyone else hear that horrid racket this morning?" Dwalin asked loudly with a pointed glare at me.

"Yes, it would seem our youngest traveller did not get what he wanted." Thorin said with a sneer in my direction.

"He wants the one thing I cannot give him, at least not yet." I grumbled. "I am sorry if he woke any of you. I will talk to him about it." I finally stated with a glance in Alex's direction.

I moved off quietly as I felt tears well up in my eyes. Internally I was berating myself for not being able to solve every problem. I heard muffled footsteps behind me and I turned to see who was following me. I expected it to be Bilbo but instead it was Kili, whose large brown eyes boar into mine.

"What? What do you want now? Was breakfast not to your liking?" I snapped sarcastically as I felt myself become closer to tears.

"I apologise if you wished to be alone. You looked upset so I thought I would see if you were alright." He justified, taking a small step back.

I let out a long sigh.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't snap at you like that. I just can't keep smiling all the time. I am so lost and confused and it seems there is nothing I can do to keep my head above water." I finally explained as tears rushed down my face. "My marriage was a disaster, my home is gone, I have no money, no job, and all Alex can ask me about is his 'new daddy' that I am not even sure I want." I wailed as I leaned against a rock.

Kili looked unsure of himself as he leaned into me and gave me an awkward one-armed hug. His eyes were wide, betraying his lack of confidence around me, but I could hardly think of his discomfort as I leaned fully into him. I made a mental list of all of the things I needed to accomplish while we were here. Usually it was exercises like this that calmed me down and made me see reason. However now as I imagined the gargantuan list it only caused my tears to fall faster.

"I am sure all will turn out well Lady Catherine." Kili comforted as he briskly ran his hand up and down the length of my upper arm.

It was these words and the strange feeling of his hand running across the cheap material of my pink costume that snapped me back to reality. I was a mother; it was my job to provide for my son. I could not just forget that because I was having a hard time. I lifted my head slightly and moved away in a jerk.

"I need to go, I need to see Alex. I am sorry I cried on you. I promise it won't happen again." I assured as I sniffled slightly.

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and brushed off the tears that were still glued to my eyelashes. I was sure I looked a mess but could not be bothered to worry as I rushed back to Alex.

When I got back to the campsite I found Alex awake and smiling. He was in an intense looking conversation with Bombur, who appeared to be fighting the tiara Alex had tried to place on his head. I wiped again at my face, hoping the tears had left little damage.

"If you are going to be Lady Marian you have to wear the tiara!" Alex exclaimed with a huff.

"And I am telling you I am not a Lady! I don't wear tiaras." Bombur explained with just as much annoyance.

"What seems to be the problem here?" I asked as I approached.

"Mommy! He won't be lady Marian!" Alex complained as he attached himself to my neck.

"Well how about I be Lady Marian and he can be little John?" I asked hoping he would let it go.

"Um, Okay." He stated with a determined look before swiping the tiara from Bombur's hands and placing it on my head.

"There is nothing 'little' about him!" Fili exclaimed.

"Well Little John is not little either so he fits the role perfectly." I defended with a sour look at Fili. "Alex, we can only play for a few minutes and then we have to go."

"Back on the horsey?" He asked with a frown.

"Yes love, but if your bum hurts I can show you a different way to sit that might feel better." I suggested.

"Shh! Lady Marian can't see us now!" He cried.

I realised he was to involved in his game to listen to me and with a small sigh I closed my mouth and waited to be saved.


	7. One Moment's Hesitation

"I like your beard." Alex stated to Fili as he was pushed on to the horse. "My daddy doesn't have a beard because he has to work. Do you not work?" He asked innocently enough, grabbing onto the ends of Fili's beard and waving them a little.

"Alex, let go!" I demanded as I gently pried his hands away. "I know you are curious but that isn't a polite question. Many men work and have beards. Your daddy had a beard but I made him shave it because it used to itch my skin and it would even wake me up in the middle of the night." I explained with a smile.

"Why! Why did you make him get rid of it?" Alex screamed as tears welled in his eyes. "Did he leave 'cause of that?" He asked through a wave of tears.

My eyes went wide. I had not been expecting that particular accusation.

"Oh Sweetheart, no, no. Your daddy left because he wanted to find his own house. I promise it wasn't because of the beard. Do you want to know a secret? He wanted to shave it because it wasn't comfy to him either!" I encouraged with a smile, still fearing the onslaught of tears. I couldn't quite place why but it was incredibly important to me that these dwarves know I didn't drive my husband away because of some damn facial hair.

"Why did he want his own house?" Alex questioned with tears still staining his cheeks.

"Because he needs some alone time when he gets mad." I explained cautiously, afraid of the direction of the conversation.

"But I want to live with you AND Daddy." He stated with a confused look.

"Yeah, I wanted that too but Daddy said he needed his own bedroom, like when you turned three and said you needed your own room."

"We can't go? Not ever?"

"We would have to ask Daddy, like when we ask if we can come into your room."

Alex nodded and seemed content with the answers I gave him for now but I could tell he was thinking hard about was going on.

"Could you sing the you and Daddy song now?" he asked in a voice so sweet it made it impossible to refuse.

"Sure, love, but only once." I warned with a look.

It was a happy, light-hearted song that spoke to my inner romantic. It usually made me so happy to sing this song because it reminded me of happier days. However now it left me feeling almost worse than I already was.

_"Underneath the bamboo, 'neath the bamboo tree. Room enough for you my darling, room enough you and I together, when we get married how happy I will be underneath the bamboo, 'neath the bamboo tree. If you'll be M-I-N-E mine, I'll be T-H-I-N-E thine, and I will L-O-V-E love you all of the T-I-M-E time. We'll build an N-E-S-T nest, down in the W-E-S-T west, and I will L-O-V-E love you all of the T-I-M-E time."_ I had to supress the shakiness of my voice towards the end.

"Thank you Mommy!" Alex cried as he clapped his hands.

I could only nod and place a small kiss on his head, thankful he couldn't turn to face me and see the tears that had welled up in my eyes. We rode in mostly silence after that. I could not bring myself to strike up conversation with the rest of the dwarves mostly because I was under the distinct impression that I had not gained most of their trust yet. I could hardly blame them, I was a young mother, I had no marketable skills, and I wasn't one of them. I did not understand much about these dwarves but from what I had gathered most female dwarves had beards.

At first the idea had made me laugh as I imagined the bearded women from the circus or my ex-mother in law, who had to shave once a week to keep the peach fuzz off of her chin. Now I saw my hairless chin to be yet another reason I was not accepted.

After several hours of not talking I finally broke the silence as I realised Fili deserved an apology for Alex tugging on his beard. I looked down at a now sleeping Alex. It always amazed me how easily he could fall asleep regardless of what was going on around him.

"I'm sorry." I stated as I turned to face Fili. "I had no idea he would tug on your beard like that or become so emotional on you. You were being very helpful this morning, thank you."

Fili looked reluctant to face me as he looked around for someone. He finally turned in my direction.

"I do not know why but for some strange reason my brother has become fascinated with you. Personally I think you are a bit strange and I don't know you well enough to trust you, but my brother has always been a bit odd. I can't say I approve in anyway or even understand but if you take advantage of his kindness you will live to regret it." I whispered in a tone so deadly my eyes started darting anywhere else but his direction.

"I can assure you I have no plans to take advantage of anyone's kindness, I am kind to those that are kind to me." I told him after I took a deep gulp of air, regaining my thoughts.

"Then all will be fine. Do not worry about the beard, it has endured worse." He assured with a smile.

"Right." I nodded "Can I ask you a question? Why does Kili not have a beard? The rest of you do, in some cases it almost seems as if you have too much hair." I laughed as I looked over at Bombur whose oversized rust coloured beard was plaited over his large stomach.

"Dwarves can never have too much hair. Kili keeps his short because he is an archer, hair gets in the way." He shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason, I just wanted to know. He's the one that has you all worried that I might hurt him, I'm just doing a little research." I justified as I looked at Kili, who was currently riding about five metres ahead of us.

"Do you always do research on friends?"

"When they are spending time with Alex? Yes, without a second thought." I responded quickly. "I would expect you would do the same to protect the ones you love."

Fili nodded.

"I would die for my family." He stated blankly without betraying any further emotion.

I was slightly shocked by the intensity of Fili's words but quickly saw that this was a very real fear for him on this journey. I was torn from my train of thought as Fili suddenly turned his head away from me towards some thick green brush.

"What is it?" I asked terrified of some unnamed beast coming out to attack us.

"Water." Fili stated as he moved to follow the others that had moved to the waters edge.

I slowly roused Alex from his nap and helped Gandalf lower him to the ground. The break could not have come at a better time; I was sore from the extensive amount of riding and felt every bit of dirt I had accumulated in the past two days. I had always glorified camping and nature but sleeping on the cold ground with little padding was quickly losing its appeal.

"Alex, don't go in the water just yet. Let me see if it's cold and then we will see if you want to go in." I called as I saw him inch closer to the water where the rest of the dwarves had accumulated.

I slipped off the thin boots that covered my feet and stepped into the cool water. It was as if ice had encased my foot. I felt the cold running it's path up my leg and quickly retracted my foot with a quick yelp.

"Sweetheart, let me wash the pot and then I can maybe heat you up some water, okay? I think that is far to cold for you." I told Alex softly. "Are we staying that long? Will I have time to give him a small bath?" I asked Bofur.

He nodded at me as he turned to look at the water.

"I think we could all use a small amount of freshening up." He whispered with a grin.

"Are we staying here? We have only gone a short way." I questioned.

"I would doubt we stay here but close by I would imagine." He responded with a thick accent.

"That is an interesting accent you have." I smiled, trying to be as friendly as possible.

"And you as well." He responded with a smile.

I figured this was as good a place to start as any. I wanted these people to like me, I realised Alex and I were basically freeloading all of their resources without contributing much to the group. I knelt down and slowly began scrubbing the dirty crockery and patted the ground next to me indicating that he could join me. I was relieved when he did so and smiled at him gratefully.

"I never thanked you properly for giving Alex that candy, I think you may have saved me from one of his melt downs. I try not to spoil him but sometimes, especially after his father left, it's just easier to give him what he wants rather than fight about it." I explained guiltily, knowing that I was responsible for my son's recent poor behaviour.

"It's no trouble lass, I have a soft spot for making little ones smile. But if you really want to see a child happy the best thing to do is send him to Bifur, a toymaker by trade." He smiled briefly.

"The one that speaks in the gibberish with that horrid thing sticking out of his head?" I questioned with a furrowed brow.

"It's not gibberish. It is the language of the dwarves though his speech is rather distorted, a side effect of being bludgeoned in the head with an orc axe." He defended. "He is a simple dwarf with simple tastes but you will find few more loyal than him."

"He sounds like a real character." I smiled

There was a loud splash that caused me to look up sharply and scan for Alex. My heart leapt into my throat when I could not find him. I had taken my eyes off of him for no more than five minutes. I quickly rose to my feet, shouting at the top of my lungs.

"Alex! Alex, where are you? Baby! Alex!" I called as I ran around aimlessly. "Alex!" I cried once again as tears rushed down my face.

"He's there in the water!" one of the dwarves cried as they pointed to the small bubbles.

"Alex! ALEX! He can't swim! ALEX!" I cried as I jumped into the icy water. "Sweetheart I'm coming!" I called oblivious to the cries of the other dwarves as one of them jumped into the water as well.

I trudged forward looking for the spot I had seen the bubbles. The weight of my soaked costume caused my motions to be as slow as molasses. I stuck my hands out into the water aimlessly hoping that I would be able to feel him. I looked franticly every moment that ticked by my panic grew.

"Alex! Please baby, Alex!" I cried, becoming wilder in my actions.

I heard a splashing to my left and turned hoping to see my son's face. What I saw almost made my heart go still. There was a drenched Kili holding a small, blue, unconscious Alex.

"Get him out of the water! Is he alive? Alex, Alex baby!" I cried openly as Kili carried him to the shore.

He deposited him just on the bank of the river as I came up quickly behind him. I knelt down before him and pressed two fingers to his neck. He was still alive but barely. My brain wasn't working properly, I saw my baby lying in front of me as cold as ice and half dead. My numb fingers fumbled with the small buttons on his shirt while my breath came out in wisps.

"Someone help me!" I finally cried.

I felt Bilbo kneel down next to me and watched as he removed my small child's clothing. I fumbled with the zipper on my own dress before peeling off of my skin. I watched helplessly as Balin leaned over to force the water out of his lungs. As soon as he was done I pulled Alex close to me and wrapped myself around him. I felt a weight be placed over my shoulders it was several thick blanket's. I shrugged slowly attempting to cover Alex entirely.

"Th-th-thank y-y-you." I stuttered out in Kili's direction as I felt his eyes on me. "There are clothes for him in the bag I packed, could someone get them for me?" I asked quietly.

Kili nodded as he moved away. I placed a small kiss on his hair as I smoothed out the mop of curls. As Kili returned with the out fit I had borrowed from Bilbo I smiled gratefully.

"Let's get a fire started." Kili stated with a look at his brother and a nod of his head.

I could not bother to look at the direction of the two men as I started to dress Alex. I almost choked on how foolish I had been as I looked at the outfit I had brought. It was a thick pair of trousers and a navy blue shirt, but I had also decided on a small waistcoat and jacket because at the time I thought it was 'simply charming'. I wanted to spit at my foolishness but instead dressed him in the clothes and a pair of socks.

"Here, he should have this." A gruff voice cut in my train of thought.

I looked up in surprise as I saw Thorin holding out a thick fur lined coat. I took it gratefully and placed it over Alex, still holding him next to my chest.

"Thank you. I don't know what I will do if I lose him. I have never, I mean, I don't, thank you." I finally stated again as I tried to fully voice my gratitude.

"He has no purpose on this journey, it is far too dangerous for someone so young." He stated before turning away.

Tears still ran down my face as I looked down at Alex. He looked so peaceful, if I didn't know better I would think he was just asleep. Fili and Kili returned with piles of wood and began making a fire. I was so thankful for their helpfulness that it caused more tears to come to my eyes. Suddenly I doubted my ability to parent and every ounce of my surety had left my body.

I had never been good at anything. I graduated from a prestigious university in the middle of my class and only went on to be a failure of a lawyer. Parenting was one of the things I had assured myself I was good at. I was always proud to say that I was a stay at home mom, I took pride in my ability to cook and clean and care for a small life. But now I could barely look at my son without feeling the waves of guilt roll off of me. I had failed him in the worst way possible and now he could die because of my foolishness. These thoughts only forced tears to my eyes faster.

I moved closer to the fire allowing the warmth to soak into my body. There was no part of me that wanted to let go of him but I knew that I had to get dressed in something and he would be better in the hands of someone not as wet as I was. I looked around desperately for someone I could trust with my son. Kili must have seen my gaze as he stared at me intently.

"Would you like me to hold him while you change?" he asked softly.

I was unsure how he had read my mind but I nodded briefly.

"Yes, but you are soaked. You should be changing too, not looking after my responsibility." I whispered hoarsely. All of my shouting had taken away my voice and left me sounding haggard.

"Fili will hold him than." Kili offered with a glance at his brother.

Fili looked like he was about to object but caught Kili's stare and said nothing.

"Would you? I would feel better if he was held by someone, he's just so cold." I whispered as tears flowed down my face. "If you don't want to that's okay I can take him with me I don't even know if my dress is dry yet so I might not even be able to change yet." I explained softly.

I realised I was manipulating the poor dwarf but justified it because I was doing what was best for my son, he needed me more than I cared about tricking a full grown man show a little compassion.

"I will watch him." Fili agreed.

"Thank you." I slowly deposited Alex into his arms and wrapped the blankets, save for one around him along with Thorin's coat. "Call for me if he wakes up." I told him as I placed a kiss on Alex's forehead.

I walked off with the blanket wrapped around me like a towel as I moved over to check on my dress. It was, as I expected, soaked thoroughly. I sighed as I picked it up. I felt someone behind me and turned around. It was Kili, again.

I smiled broadly ignoring the tears that still stained my cheeks and threatened to fall again.

"You saved him." I stated. "I owe you everything. I can never pay you back. I can never even start to explain." I yammered as I rushed over to him and embracing him in the tightest hug I could manage. "Thank you." I had to lower my head slightly as I leant in to place a small kiss on his cheek. "I will never forget what you have done. You saved him." I murmured returned to my full height, about three inches above his head.

Kili's eyes were large as I looked at him again.

"You had better change. You are going to catch cold if you stay in those clothes." I stated as I picked up my dress and moved back to the fire.

"Have you no other clothes?"

"Nope, this is it." I shrugged as I clung onto the blanket that covered my body.

"I have an extra shirt if you would like it." He offered.

"I would love it, but only if you have a shirt as well."

"Come with me. I have a couple." Kili stated with a curious smile.

I trailed after him trying to act patient but inside I as frantic to get back to Alex and see him again. I didn't want him to wake up without me there to comfort him.


	8. Relationship Blues

"Mommy?" came a hoarse whisper from next to my chest where Alex's head rested.

"Alex? Oh, Alex, Sweetheart!" I cried as I hugged him closer to me. "How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?" I asked rapidly.

"I'm cold." He complained with a soft cry.

"That's it? Nothing else feels wrong?" I questioned with a furrowed brow as my eyes scanned him up and down several times. I felt tears prickle my eyes as I clung closer to him. "I am so happy you are okay! What happened? I told you to stay away from the water!" I yelled softly.

"But Mommy, my arrow! Is it gone?" Alex cried.

"Was that it? You went to get the arrow and it went into the water?" I asked. "Oh Alex, you need to be more careful! I could have lost you! I love you so much." I wanted to yell and be mad but knew that would only scare him. "I think the arrow is gone but that isn't as important as you! I was so scared." I whispered as I rocked him back and forth slowly.

"I'm sorry Mommy." He cried as he dipped his head into my chest.

It became clear he was picking up on my own emotions and was rapidly becoming more and more distressed.

"Hush now sweetheart. It's okay, you are safe and we are going to get you warm again. Look at this coat you have to make you warmer." I gently pulled the fur coat closer to him.

"It's so soft, like yours Mommy!" Alex noted with a soft giggle. "Is this one yours?" he asked.

"No love, mine is back home, this belongs to him." I gestured over to Thorin who was sitting beside the fire. "He gave it to me while you were sleeping so that you could be warm." I explained.

"But he's the mean man!" Alex told me with determination.

"Not anymore love. All of these men were so worried about you, they gave me their blankets to keep us both warm and they made us a fire and Kili was the one to get you out of the water. They are all nice men." I insisted, as I looked at all of them, aware that they could hear what I was saying. "I owe all of them a bigger debt than I could ever repay because they saved you."

"Okay." He agreed as he stifled a yawn.

His little eyes began to droop though I could see him trying to fight off the sleepiness that plagued him.

"Don't worry love, you sleep now." I whispered. "Would you like a lullaby?"

Instead of answering with words he merely nodded as he cuddled further into my chest. He was actively seeking warmth and I was more than willing to give him that.

_"Toora, loora, loora _

_Toora, loora, li _

_Toora, loora, loora _

_Hush, now, don't you cry _

_Ah, _

_Toora, loora, loora _

_Toora, loora, li _

_Toora, loora, loora _

_It's an Irish lullaby_

_Over in Killarney, many years ago_

_My mother sang this song to me in tones so sweet and low _

_Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way_

_And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day_

_Toora, loora, loora _

_Toora, loora, li_

_Toora, loora, loora _

_Hush, now, don't you cry _

_Ah, _

_Toora, loora, loora_

_Toora, loora, li _

_Toora, loora, loora_

_It's an Irish lullaby_"

I felt tears prick my eyes as the song ended and quickly wiped them away before they had a chance to fall. I heard Alex's breathing become low and steady and I knew he had fallen to sleep. I couldn't identify why I had chosen that song it was a song that Stephen had told me his mother sung to him, and it was one she often crooned to Alex. When I had first met Stephen I thought it was beautiful and it reminded him of his Irish upbringing so I wanted to cherish it. Now however the song left a bad taste in my mouth and I wished for nothing more than to forget it, but Alex loved it so I knew I never would be able to eradicate it the way I wished I could.

"I meant what I said." I stated to the group in a calm voice. "You have all saved my son and I will never be able to pay you back. Thank you." I paused unsure of what to say next.

"Of course we would help. You both are a part of the company." Bofur stated with a smile.

Several others chimed in with similar sentiments and caused me to look at them with a confused expression.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I understand. I don't do anything to help around here except make meals, and let's be honest any of you could do that, and Alex is not old enough to help at all." I explained as if talking to children, confused as to how they had somehow mistakenly took me as a valuable member of their little group. "Besides it is clear some of you don't even like me." I muttered under my breath with a glance in Thorin's direction.

He had never said one nice thing about my son or me. I had given up on trying to make him like me but I had hoped that at some point we could become at the very least become cordial.

"The point is, you're one of us now, aren't ya?" Dwalin questioned.

"I was unaware the position was open." I smirked. I had never gotten on well with him, especially after his rude performance at Bilbo's. "Regardless as to why you did it. I am so thankful that you did." I whispered with a pointed glance at Kili.

He had been more than nice to me and I could not think of a possible reason for his kindness. I was dressed in one of his oversized shirts that acted like a small dress on my frame. I had attempted to fit into a pair of his pants however the refused to stay up without holding onto the waist. I leaned my back against the rocks and continued to hum the same lullaby that I had sung to Alex.

My peace only lasted another twenty minutes before I heard my stomach begin to make loud rumbling noises. I smirked as I heard the noise and gently moved Alex over, still cocooned in his nest of fur and blankets. I slowly moved around looking for something suitable to eat. I started to cook dinner and focused all my remaining energy into that singular action. I wanted to make this meal better than any other as I sign of my gratitude. As soon as the meal was done I took the time to serve it onto plates and hand one to each of the dwarves with a smile.

I served Kili last and moved to sit next to him.

"I don't think I started this friendship off very well. I would like to start again." I told him as I looked at him with a serious face. "Hi, my name is Catherine it's a pleasure to meet you." I held out my hand and we shook briefly.

"It is a pleasure to make you acquaintance Catherine, my name is Kili." He smiled, playing along with my game.

"You seem like a very nice person. I think we should be very good friends." I stated. "May I ask you a question? Why did you do it? Why did you save him? You could have killed yourself." I asked softly.

"The look on your face was the same as look my mother bore when we left for this journey. As if you had already lost the world." He explained.

"For a minute I thought I had." I grimaced as I looked over at Alex. "He's a good kid, Stephen and I both decided from the very beginning that we were going to be gentle parents and most of the time that works, it's just sometimes he tests the boundaries and it's hard to know how to deal with it. I am just learning everything with him. Everyone told me that the first was the experiment child, the one where my learning curve would be the same as theirs. Of course that was when more than one child was even an option. Before Stephen started his, well, before." I finished lamely. "What about you? Now I know your brother and your uncle, you mentioned a mother, who else makes up your family?" I asked, hoping to divert some of the awkwardness I had created.

"That is truly the extent of my family. I have no wife or children." He stated briefly.

"Oh I do not believe for a second that you don't have a special lady waiting back home for you." I joked lightly as I saw his ears tinge red.

"None presently." He replied curtly.

"Well you won't have to worry about that when you return. You will be a hero, slaying a dragon, women love heroes. You will have so many admirers you will not know which one to pick first." I laughed, expecting him to join in.

Instead he became very sombre and looked down at his thick boots.

"I highly doubt that will be the case. My beardlessness is undesirable in our culture." He informed me quietly.

"Well that's just the silliest thing I have ever heard! Every gal has her thing. You can't say that no one finds you attractive. Besides you are nice, which overrides looks any day." I scolded, the mother in me coming out to make him feel better. "Now let me have your plate and I will go wash it." I told him as I stood up.

I washed all of the pots, pans, and dishes thinking about what Kili had said. I could not believe that anyone could think such things about themselves. It was a problem that would not work itself out of my head. I was always cheering on others happiness and I didn't like the thought that someone I knew thought they would never find that. I walked back at a quick pace eager to see Alex again.

The next morning felt as if lead had replaced my feet and encased my eyelids. I tried to force myself up but the pain of the light caused my efforts to fail. It was not until I felt Alexander pushing on my side.

"Mommy I'm hungry." He whispered into my ear.

"Yes love, give Mommy a minute and I will make something." I whispered in return.

"I think the rest of the people are hungry too." He whispered.

"I am sure they are and they will eat soon I promise." I muttered with my eyes still closed.

I could feel the ability to sleep waning I knew that soon would be unable to sleep, not that it would get rid of the sleepiness that still plagued me. I slowly moved up against the rock had slept against. Wiping the sleep from my eyes I looked over at Alex.

"And what would Alexander the Great want for breakfast this morning?" I questioned with a grin. He had lived and that called for celebration, even if that only meant that he could pick breakfast.

"Croissant!" he yelled with almost perfect enunciation.

I giggled at his choice.

"You spend far too much time with your uncle. I am quite sure I never taught you that word." I laughed. "Well we can't have croissant, but how about biscuit?" I ask softly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes love, I'm sure."

"Okay!"

"Here you can help me!" I encouraged as he got up to follow me.

"No Mommy! I do not want to help!" he called after me.

"Fine then go play. Bombur said he would play with you, and do you know what someone told me? One of these men makes toys! Ask Bifur and maybe he will make you something." I told him looking away to mix ingredients. "But Alex, stay away from the water!" I told him in a tone he had come to realise was the tone that came right before yelling.

He nodded and turned away. I watched him until Bombur safely distracted him from the water before I returned to my task.

Again I served the meal on individual plates and delivered them to each dwarf before serving Alex and myself. Within half an hour the food was gone and everyone was packing up to go. It wasn't that I wanted to stay; in fact I really wanted to leave this place. I never wanted to see the water again. It was a reminder of my failure as a parent and I wanted to burry that. However I was tired of moving, I wanted to put down something permanent. I had enough camping to last me the better part of my lifetime, but I couldn't stop. Who would build the house we would live in? How would we survive? How could I provide for my son? No, I knew I needed to move on, I just wish I my fear of those damn beasts would subside at least enough so that I did not dread every morning.

"Are you ready Lady Catherine? Alex has made himself comfortable on Kili's pony. He said something about needing to learn about the outdoors." Balin told me as I cleaned up the mess we had left.

My mouth dropped. My son could push the limits but this was past what he usually did. I stormed off dropping the pan I was holding.

"Alex! Get down here now!" I yelled.

"But Mommy I want to ride with Kili. He said he could teach me about the outdoors like my new daddy." He justified with a smile.

My face turned red as I felt the looks of every dwarf train on me. I glanced over at Kili and saw his wide eyes.

"No Alex, get down now. After we talk maybe you can ride with Kili." I stated as I moved to pull him off the pony.

I carried him a small distance away and set him down on a small outcropping of rocks.

"I know you want a new daddy but you can't just choose someone like that. It's not fair to him or me. I promise I will find someone to be your new daddy, and I promise it will be someone that you love and that loves you back. Being a daddy is a big responsibility. You can have Kili teach you about the outdoors if you ask nicely and he says yes, but you cannot call him your new daddy." I tried to explain as I got down on his level. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, I promise." Alex stated emphatically. "Kili is not my new daddy, he just sometimes teaches me things like a daddy." He clarified.

"That sounds about right." I laughed. "Now you can ride with Kili if you still want to or with me. I am okay with either." I assured him.

"I want to ride with Kili. Sometimes he goes fast, he told me!"

"Alright then go on, we have to leave." I stood up and pointed over to the group. "Go on mister, march!" I mock saluted and laughed as he high knee marched away.

I looked over and saw Kili watching the interaction and knew by the look he wore that he had heard what I said.

"I'm sorry Alexander called you his dad. I talked to him and cleared it up, I think. He's just confused about what happened with his father. I'm trying to work with him but sometimes things like this are going to happen I suppose."

"Right, well we better get going." Kili finally stated.

I sighed. I was trying to make this good impression on Kili because I wanted a friend but Alex never made it that easy. A child changes every relationship, even benign ones like the one I wanted with Kili.

**AN: Hi guys! I love the reviews that I have been getting and so far they are very positive. But I would still like some more feedback. Love it? Hate it? Obnoxiously indifferent? Just let me know or drop me a line. Also, I plan to update every three days to keep me on a schedule. I would appreciate ideas on where to go from here. Let me know!**


	9. Justified the Means

"Catherine, I think Alex has fallen asleep." Kili whispered over to me.

"Yes, he can fall asleep anywhere. It makes it great for long trips. If you would like me to take him I can." I offered, secretly hoping he would decline. It was so much more comfortable to not have my arms outstretched at an awkward angle to accommodate a second person.

"No, I think this is fine. I was just in the middle of telling him about the first time I used a bow and arrow. He was in the middle of a sentence and suddenly stopped."

"I know I was listening to you." I admitted sheepishly. "I don't think I have seen many people that can so easily handle all of his questions." I laughed.

He was doing better that most. There was obvious tension between us caused by Alex's talk but for the most part it was okay. I was in love because it meant that I could relax go a minute and start really thinking about our situation, something I hadn't done since setting off that morning from Bilbo's.

I genuinely wanted to want to live with Bilbo. He was a good man and a great friend but he was set in his ways and they didn't include a small child running around. I knew he offered because he was lonely and more than a little bored, though he would never admit it, but he didn't really want us around for good. When Gandalf had told me there would be towns along the way of this journey I assumed he meant that every other day we would come across a small town or two, even if it was only made up of a couple houses. Instead we had been traveling for two days and seen no one and nothing. There was a small part of me that was beginning to become anxious but I buried that feeling and refused to acknowledge it.

"With a face like that lassie, you are surely thinking of things much too seriously." Bofur stated as he sidled up next to me.

I smiled, thankful for the distraction.

"I can't argue with that. It's a mother's job to fret about many things, most of which she cannot change." I joked.

"Well you are one of us now. That entitles you to several benefits." He informed me.

"Well what benefits do you think I would be in need of?"

"We all heard ya talking to Kili about not being able to provide for little Alex." I reddened as he mentioned hearing my shortcomings as a parent. "Nothing to be embarrassed by lass, but you have been worrying over some things that need not be worried over. You are more than welcome to food, so there is no fear of him starving while you travel with us, and clothing can be found if needed. We can't offer you a home but that is only because we lack one ourselves."

My mouth dropped open at his generosity. People just aren't that kind. Never in my entire life had I met a group of people that I had known for such a brief amount of time that so willingly gave the shirt off their backs for my son and me.

"Thank you." I finally managed to get out after I had recovered from my stupor. "You don't have to offer any of that."

"Nonsense! The hospitality of dwarves is unrivalled and as long as there is that to give we will do so!" He exclaimed looking proudly at the group in front of us.

"Well you have taken some of the worry out of my mind." I assured him with a smile.

He returned the smile and sped up to join the others. I sighed and looked over at my sleeping son. I laughed at the picture I saw before I could stop myself. Kili looked as if he were sitting on crystal rather than a pony, he looked so concentrated on not moving, while Alex sagged into him further and further, almost to the point of lying down.

"Kili, if he is leaning on you too much just nudge him awake. He got a full night's sleep last night; trust me he doesn't need anymore. You look so uncomfortable!" I scolded while attempting to control my mirth.

"I'm fine. It just takes some adjustment." He replied as he shifted stiffly. "This boy has some meat on his bones!" He exclaimed as he attempted to find a comfortable position.

"The doctor says he is well within the normal range for his age and height." I stated somewhat defensively.

"I say that as a good thing." He clarified. "A boy with a little weight on him stands a better chance in this world."

"Oh," I paused. I knew Alex wasn't a feather but this was the one and only time I had heard a complement on his weight. Most people would just make a face when the picked him up and the rude ones would ask how I could have possibly given birth to such a large baby. "Well thanks, he should be Lord knows I feed him enough." I finally stated unsure if that was the appropriate response.

The conversation went dead as we continued to ride. I knew I should address the Alex situation but couldn't even think of the appropriate way to open that can of worms.

"Do you think I could ask you to tell me what you are thinking about Alex?" I started timidly. "I assume that you are a bit confused by his talk about a new dad and of course with my talk of wanting to be friends. I just want you to know that this is my life and if you feel like it's too much just let me know. You are under no obligation and I wouldn't blame you for anything." I stumbled over my words hoping to convey my thoughts without knowing exactly what I was trying to say.

I wanted Alex to have someone to go to but I didn't want that at the price of someone else's happiness. I had already experienced that once with Stephen and I am under the impression that I was on the loosing end of that ordeal. I had a kid that wanted a father, a house that felt empty because it was so large, and I knew that dating in the future would be almost impossible because it wasn't just me anymore.

"I'm confused. I understand that your husband left you and Alex but I do not understand his insistence on a new father." He stated with a furrowed brow.

"I can't say I know either. I think it is because, for him, Stephen just left. There wasn't a goodbye or anything leading up to it, at least not that he could see. Not to mention he's three, he thinks all dad's do is play games and know lots of things." I laughed. "And if it were up to me he won't know about all of the Daddy requirements until he is well into his twenties."

Kili cocked his eyebrow at me. I chose to ignore it but could not stop the blush that ran to my cheeks.

"I like him." Kili stated suddenly. "I don't intend to serve as a replacement for his father, that should be something you share with the man you choose, but I think he is a smart boy and I would enjoy teaching him a thing or two." He smiled.

I let out a breath of air I hadn't realised I was holding. I only accepted now that if he had said no, if he had rejected Alex's obvious attachment, I would not have know how to explain to him that not one but two men had walked out of his life. Of course I could never blame Kili but I had a hard time believing that Alex would be so accepting.

We stopped for the night at the base of a cliff in the remnants of a shack. Gandalf looked troubled but I wrote it off as the look he perpetually carried on this trip. I looked over at him having a heated conversation with Thorin and my brow furrowed. I was quick to side with Gandalf even if I did not know what was wrong. The tall man suddenly stormed off followed shortly by Bilbo pestering him about where he was going. Bilbo turned with a worried look at the group.

"Let's not worry prematurely." I stated with a crease in my brow.

I was however still worried about how I was to get off of the horse I was sitting on. I didn't want to hurt myself and Gandalf had always helped me off so my confidence was almost none. I saw Kili hand Alex to Bofur and hop off his pony with skill. He must have seen me fretting over how to get down and was at my side in an instant.

"Let me help you." He smiled.

"Thank you. I haven't been on a horse since I was sixteen years old, I guess I'm more than a little rusty." I justified as he held out his hand for me to steady myself on.

"Fili, Kili go watch the ponies." Thorin called as he turned to the shack with a grimace. "And get a fire started. Catherine a meal would not be to much to ask for." He barked.

I couldn't help but laugh. Gandalf must have really pissed him off because usually the man could not stop talking. Except to me, he never had much to say to me. In the end I usually tuned him out as he talked about his family and his right to rule.

"No sir, a meal is just the right thing to ask for." I snapped sarcastically.

Despite my grousing I continued to make a meal as I kept an eye on Alex. He was still asleep when the sunset but woke up because of the change in light. He looked around rather calmly before waving at me and making his way over to Bifur.

"Mommy, where is Kili?" he asked calmly.

He was like a different person. He was calm and didn't ask for me once, he had made himself at home amongst these dwarves and they had accepted him.

"He's over there sweetheart," I gestured in the direction I had seen him lead the ponies. "Give me a minute and I can take you to see him."

"Can't we go now Mommy?" he pleaded with big eyes.

"I will take dinner to Fili and Kili, I can take Alex with me f you would like." Bilbo offered as he stood up.

I could tell he was stressed about Gandalf not being with the group. I looked at him with concern before handing him two bowls with a small nod.

"If you are sure that's okay." I agreed hesitantly. "Alex you would have to listen very well. Stay by Bilbo at all times and if I hear that you don't listen I won't let you ride with Kili again, understand?" I told him with a serious face.

He nodded happily before heading off to follow Bilbo. I watched them until they moved around a bend and I could no longer see them. I told myself to relax, that they were perfectly safe but I disliked the feeling that my son was not with me. After about ten minutes I could no longer stand not being able to see Alex. I got up and wandered around the corner and ran into a frantic Fili. I knew with one look in his eyes that something was wrong. My heart dropped out of my chest.

"My son," I whispered. "Where is my son?" I ran in the direction he had come fighting the tears that burnt my eyes.


	10. Help Me

**AN: Hi All! I appreciate reviews, I love PMs, and I want to know what you are thinking. At the same time I ask that we remember our manners. As a guideline I would recommend that we all refrain from saying things that we wouldn't say to each other's faces. I got a message the other night that bordered on hostile and I just wanted to make that point clear.**

Words failed me as I ran to look for Alex. I could say nothing because the worry in my brain had surpassed words. All I could do was search franticly for his puff of blond curls. I saw trees uprooted from the ground and dirt flung everywhere. I could hear the others behind me but I was focused entirely on finding Alex. I saw a light up ahead and ran towards it oblivious of the twigs and branches that caught on both my clothes and my skin. I stopped as I heard voices and approached with slightly more caution. I could not identify the voices as I walked closer before I saw a fluff of blond disappear behind a turned over tree that was partially obscured by the tall bushes. I dashed over and saw both Alex and Kili crouched low behind the trunk if a massive fallen tree. I could not stop the squeal that left my mouth when I saw a very wide-eyed Alex being held down by Kili, who carried his own look of fear mixed with what I could only assume was excitement.

"Come here Sweetheart!" I whispered as I crouched low, holding my arms out. I shot an appreciative glance at Kili before looking up at the sight in front of us. I was stunned once again as I saw the largest animal-like things I have ever seen. There was something about them that appeared almost elephant like with their thick greyish skin, but they lacked the trunks and could easily double the size of any elephant. I lost all words as I heard them begin to talk.

"What was that?" The largest one asked in a slow voice.

I silently cursed myself for making that voice as I approached them.

"You're hearing things. Ain't nothing there!" the other responded and I let out a breath. "What's for super then?" and it became clear that the noise was forgotten and arguments regarding dinner were sounded amongst the three.

Alex became my lifeline; I clung to him fearing that he would run off and attract the attention of the foul animals. I could not identify species but it did not take too much insight to understand that they were dangerous beyond words. I had been so preoccupied taking in the sheer size of the animals that I had not noticed the small figure moving around.

"Is that Bilbo?" I whispered, "What is he doing over there? He could get hurt!" Kili looked sheepish which caused me to glare at him. "You didn't send him over there did you?"

"Mommy does this mean I don't get to ride with Kili anymore?" Alex asked in a panic. "I didn't stay with Bilbo but he told me to stay with Kili and I'm sorry!"

"No, no love! Hush now, it's okay, you did the right thing. Don't worry; Bilbo was right to have you stay here. Right now he is doing something very dangerous."

"He's getting the ponies that were stolen." Kili explained.

"He's saving Millie!" Alex emphasised.

"Wonderful, what if he gets caught? Or what if those things don't see him? They could squish him to death!" I whispered again, becoming more and more frightened of what would happen to Bilbo as he dodged and weaved the large creatures.

"I would not worry about him getting caught. Trolls are notoriously dim witted, even if they were to catch him it is unlikely they would know what to do with him." Kili stated with confidence and a smug smile before returning to watch Bilbo attempt to free the ponies.

It almost looked as if Bilbo had succeeded in slipping past the beasts before the smaller one suddenly grabbed him.

"This is ridiculous, you can't just leave him there! They will kill him!" I yelled in a muffled voice.

"I'll give him a few more minutes."

"There shouldn't be any moments to give! He was supposed to be watching my son not dodging monsters! They are talking about ways to eat him! Good God, what are you going to do? The ponies were your responsibility, you need to take care of your responsibility." I scolded. My fear had spiked to levels I could not even comprehend. All of this was happening with Alex so close.

Kili rolled his eyes.

"Just like my mother." He muttered under his breath before stepping out from behind the trees.

I was impressed by his bravado even if he didn't see the need for it. Sword swinging and witty remarks completed the look I was sure he was going for. He portrayed absolute confidence, a quality that I could relate to. Alex always needed me to appear as if I knew exactly what was going on, even if I was a lost as he was. For a minute I thought it was working, I thought those brutes would truly just give Bilbo up and let us all get back to what semblance of life we had created. As much as I had wished the matter were open and shut, the giants obviously had other plans.

The smaller one chucked Bilbo at Kili throwing them both over into a large bush. I let out another small squeak and clutched tighter to Alex.

"Don't look sweetheart." I whispered. "We are going to get out of here soon I promise. Come here I'm going to just pick you up and we are going to go back to the others. Okay? We are going to tell them what is happening." I comforted as Alex let out a little yelp.

"Mommy, are they going to eat my Daddy?" Alex asked concernedly, his voice shaking as he fought tears.

"No Love, no they aren't eating anyone. People don't eat people, silly." I assured still gesturing for him to climb up into my arms. "Come on Sweetheart we need to go now."

I looked up worriedly at the beasts, afraid that they would hear us with all the noise we had made. I heard a rustling behind us and turned sharply placing my body in front of Alex, shielding him from any threat. When Thorin made himself visible through the trees I let out a deep breath I had been holding in. The rest of the group was here and now everyone would be safe, this whole mess would be over.

"Oh thank God you are here! Bilbo and Kili they are in trouble with those beasts. You need to save them!" I exclaimed with a frantic expression. "They said they would eat them!"

I was surprised by Thorin's quick and decisive actions as he jumped out from the tree we had congregated behind. I was then surprised again when the rest of them all followed. I picked up Alex and stared at the retreating figures of the dwarves. I grabbed one of them by the sleeve and stopped them from going any further. I only noticed after a minute that it was Oin.

"Why? Why are you following him? Why don't you save yourself?" I asked in a hushed tone.

"They are a part of the company. We do not leave our people behind." He explained in a soft voice, betraying the fact that he wasn't a soldier and probably as scared as I was.

I nodded, letting go of his shirt.

"Thank you." I whispered, patting his arm softly.

He moved forward again following after his leader. I turned and went the opposite direction. I clutched on to Alex's head as I hid behind a tree a further distance away. I could hear the screaming and the yelling.

"Don't look, don't listen, we need to be very quiet. Okay love, if we are very quiet we are very safe." I whispered to Alex in a rush.

"But Mommy, what about Daddy?" He cried as he threw himself into my shoulder.

I wanted to reprimand him over the use of the name but figured there were more important things to worry about. Who cared if he called Kili his daddy when we were alone? Especially when the man was risking his life.

"He is going to be fine. They are going to come back in a few minutes and I will show you that they are safe."

As soon as I finished the sentence the shouting stopped. I smiled over at Alex.

"See? It's all fine, it's over now." I smiled.

"Can we go see, Mommy, please?" he begged.

"I will have to go check first and see if they want us there. Can you stay here and be a big boy?" I asked unsure of my actions.

He nodded enthusiastically.

"Good, you wait here. You can play with the sticks." I offered with false cheer. How could I let it come to this? Offering my child sticks to play with? It was at that moment that I wanted my old life back the most. I just wanted my son to be happy.

I walked the short distance back to where I had left the group and peered again around the over turned tree. What I saw made my mouth go dry and my stomach drop to the floor. There they were, the group, tied to a spit over the fire. The beasts were really going to eat them.

"NO!" came a harsh scream from behind me.

I recognised the voice. It was Alex. I spun as if on casters, my eyes peeled wide.

"Don't eat my DADDY!" he cried as he ran past me and into view of the giants.

"Alex! Alex! Come back here." Tears poured down my face as I ran to scoop him up.

"No, don't eat my Daddy! No eat Daddy! No! No! No!" He continued to scream as I picked him up and placed him on my hip.

"Who are you?" The creature with a crude large knife in his hand asked. He brandished the knife at me and I flinched away.

"Leave her alone!" I heard several cries from the group of dwarves.

"My daddy! No eat! No eat! No! Daddy!" Alex screamed again.

"Make it stop." The giant closest to Alex and me complained in a dim-witted voice.

"I can't make it stop! You are roasting his father." I mumbled under my breath as I gently hushed Alex.

"What was that now?" the seemingly smartest of the bunch asked.

"I, I just." I stumbled over my words, my eyes growing larger as they advanced slowly. I took a large gulp of air. "I said, he thinks you are about to eat his father he is a little worried."

"Well we could always eat him first?" one suggested. He looked genuinely concerned for Alex and the thought made me want to be sick.

"No! No I don't think that would be a good idea." I answered shakily.

"Right well I am going to eat before the dawn comes round." He stated as he picked up a terrified looking Bombur.

I gasped and covered Alex's eyes preparing for the most gruesome event I could ever imagine. It was then that Bilbo stood up and began talking.

"You don't want to eat that one! Have you smelt him? Nothing you do could cover that smell." He exclaimed. "No, you can't eat him raw he needs to be cooked with the proper herbs and more than that if you want truly excellent dwarf." He yammered.

"What's the secret then? How do we get the perfect dwarf?"

"Never mind that, she's not a dwarf. Let's just eat her instead!" the gruff voice interrupted.

My eyes went wide.

"No! Please don't, you don't want to eat me! I could barely feed one of you!" I reasoned as I felt sweat mixed with tears drip down my face.

"She's right. All bones won't make for any type of meal!"

The one with the knife took a lumbering step closer to the group of restrained dwarves.

"This one looks tasty!" he exclaimed as he picked up Fili.

"Not that one!" Bilbo exclaimed with a panic in his eye. "He has worms," he paused and looked around nervously. "Infected in the worst way, inedible, all of them!"

"I do not have worms!" Ori called out from the fire pit he was being held over.

"Nor I!" Dwalin agreed.

I thought it was Thorin that noticed what Bilbo was doing, though it still remained a mystery to me. I saw him nudge Balin and give him a look, a look that Balin passed on to the others. Soon enough they were all bragging about the size of their parasites.

Even Alex was joining in as he murmured "worms, worms, worms!" over and over again.

"Well what would you have us do? We aren't going to let them all go!"

"That would be the safest solution." Bilbo stated with a shrug.

"The dawn will take you all!" A rough shout echoed around the grouping of boulders.

There was a large cracking sound and a rock split in two. It exposed the bright light of day that temporarily blinded me. I could hear the sound of stone cracking and I looked towards the beasts. They were turning to stone and freezing in place.

It was too much, I could feel the world spinning and I suddenly felt as if everything were covered in uncomfortable fuzz. I placed Alex on the ground and staggered over a couple of steps. I saw dark spots cloud my vision as I leaned my hands out to break my now inevitable fall. Before I could do anything to stop it I felt my world go black.


	11. Admission of Guilt

The first thing I noticed was the piercing screams in my ear. I could not comprehend what was being said and my eyes refused to open. I opened my mouth to beg the screaming to stop but I could only formulate moans. My head pounded and every time I thought about moving it was as if needle-like daggers were being rammed into the back of my brain. Thinking beyond a basic level was inconceivable. I wanted to cry, so I did, I could feel the warm liquid run in rivers down my face somehow escaping my still sealed lids.

I felt a warm hand grasp at my forearm and suddenly realised how cold I was. I tried to move my body to find more warmth but my legs refused to respond. This paralysis caused me to let out another undistinguishable moan. I was terrified; I could not remember what had happened to warrant my immobility.

The screaming had not stopped but it was now accompanied by a soft masculine voice. I could hear him whispering something.

"Alex, Alex it's going to be okay. Mommy just fell down but look she's all right. Can't you hear her making noise? It will be better soon, but you must be quiet because she is working on getting up and the fastest way for that to happen is to be very quiet." The voice whispered.

"I am not a big boy. Mommy said to stay there and be a big boy but I wanted to see you and I followed and I said sorry! Why mommy sleeping? Wake up Mommy! I sorry!" Alex cried.

I could recognise my son's voice anywhere and immediately felt a sense on urgency to get up and see him again.

"She will wake up shortly." Came a gruff voice and suddenly the warmth from the hand that rested on my arm was gone and it was replaced by warmth that radiated across my entire body.

A blanket, I recognised after a short amount of thought.

"She is already coming to. Just a bit of a shock, I suspect, give her a moment and she will be right as rain." The voice evaluated.

"What about her face? Can you do nothing to mend the wounds?"

"She does not need the wounds to be mended. They will heal on their own." The voice I now identified as Gandalf proclaimed.

"They will scar. She will be forever marked by this journey."

"Just a few nicks here and there nothing so permanent I assure you Master Kili." Gandalf responded with a small chuckle.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I heard Alex cry and the sound of padding feet before a small mass pressed heavily on my side. "Wake up Mommy!"

I wanted to sleep, I wanted an aspirin, I wanted to be left alone but Alex always came first. If he wanted me awake I would push away the pain and the fatigue, I would be awake and smile. It took all of my strength to peel open one eye and looked directly into the panicked face of my son, who had pressed his face so close to mine that my eyelash tickled his nose.

"Stop yelling, Mommy's here." I whispered softly as I let him lean his body weight on me as he sagged in apparent relief. "Sweetheart, I need to get up. Can you get up?"

He slowly shifted so that there was room for me to sit up. The sudden movement caused my head to spin again and I knew I was about to be ill. With a speed I did not think possible I rushed to my feet and darted behind the closest tree, emptying the contents of my stomach as soon as got there. My head still pounded and my mouth felt covered in thick fuzz, every muscle in my body was on fire.

"I am not dying." I told myself firmly. "Not today." I emphasised.

I slowly made my way back to the group still holding my head with one hand and my stomach with the other. I gave my best attempt at a smile before flopping to the ground and resting my back against an unclaimed tree. I opened my arms for Alex, who had retreated back into Kili's arms; he looked as if he had fresh tearstains marring his face.

"I'm sorry love. I am okay now I promise."

"Are you sick?" He asked tentatively.

"No honey, you know Mommies can't get sick!" I giggled. "Come here little prince. I hate that you felt so sad. You must be so tired; you haven't slept at all tonight. Come now we can both have a small nap."

Under normal circumstances I would have asked for permission to rest but give everything that had happened I could not care less if they decided to leave without us. I needed to rest and so did Alex, surely their journey was not so time sensitive that a day of rest would ruin the plans.

I smiled widely and my face stung. Raising a hand to my face I felt a multitude of cuts and scrapes marring my cheeks. He looked so young as he curled up against my side.

"My baby." I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment relishing in the relief it provided my eyes.

"What's wrong with her?" I heard Kili question.

"I would think she is not used to all of this excitement." Gandalf reasoned.

"She had no place on this journey, I woman should be at home with her family not with us. This is summarily the wrong place for her and she is slowing down our progress." Thorin finally interjected.

I wanted to be mad but found myself incapable of arguing against an entirely true sentiment. He was right that I belonged at home but I didn't have a home to go to. I wanted an adventure but even I could accept that my chance for that was gone the day Stephen and I decided to start a family.

"You are right. I don't belong here but I don't belong anywhere else either. I think I handle most of everything very well. Please understand the place I come from this doesn't exist. None of this is possible. Dwarves and wizards are fiction, hobbits don't exist, dragons are scary stories to tell children, and everything that just happened is, well, it's terrifying! If I am slowing you down, I apologise, I will try to be better about it. Please don't leave us here alone." I begged with tears threatening to fall.

For some reason in my sleep riddled brain that all made sense. If I didn't improve they would leave me here and I would have to find some impossible way to care for my child.

"Hush now child, we wont be leaving you." Balin comforted with a small pat on my shoulder.

Kili took a more hands on approach as he inched his way to the side Alex had not curled up against and leaned in giving me a warm hug.

"I like you too much to just leave you here for the Orcs to have you." I sniffled as he talked hoping he didn't notice as I leaned in to steal some of the massive amounts of heat he gave off. "Besides even if Uncle can not admit it yet he appreciates what you have done for us. Saving us from Bofur's cooking is truly a service, and you always make enough." His words were meant to be encouraging but instead weighed like lead on my shoulders.

I had already so stressed that any filter I might once have had was gone entirely.

"Oh if only my father could hear you now!" I chuckled without much humour. "Twenty years, he paid for me to attend the best schools money could buy and what does he get? A cook that rivals the dwarf that got stuck with the job because he eats too much!" I took a large breath. "I'm sorry, you were saying something nice and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I had better get some rest."

"I will leave you alone then." He started and began to move away.

"No please, don't go." I paused as I caught myself unsure of what it was I actually wanted "What I mean is, if you didn't mind, I am so cold and you are really warm. Actually if you want to go that would probably be the best thing to do." I blushed and then scolded myself for acting like a schoolgirl with a crush.

I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, he was nice and I liked him. Eventually I could see liking him as more than a friend but I wasn't there yet and I certainly didn't want to freak him out but making him think that I was. He exuded an air of confidence that I found extremely reassuring and I felt safe.

"I am sorry? I think I am confused, do you want me to stay or go?" He asked with a smirk that did not entirely hide his genuine confusion.

"As much as I wish I could keep you as a pillow I think it would be best if I were alone for a small amount of time. Will you wake me if I sleep for too long? I should probably start supper in not too long here." I rambled in an attempt to gloss over the fact that I had told him to go away.

"Okay I will be over there." He gestured over to the fire the dwarves had relit. "And I will wake you if I need to."

"Thank you." I murmured, already have asleep. "And I am sorry about Alex again. I'll talk to him about the daddy thing." I promised, my words slurring slightly towards the end as I drifted off further into sleep.

The next time I opened my eyes the sun was high in the sky and Alex was no longer by my side. I felt one hundred times better. My head didn't feel as if it had it's own pulse; my bones cooperated when I attempted to stand, and the ache that had developed in my lower back had all but disappeared. I looked around warily and saw the others congregated around the fire. Alex was there sitting on Kili's lap with an overjoyed smile on his face.

"Mommy! Guess what? Kili said that I could learn how to ride a pony! He said he would learn me!" He exclaimed.

"He said he would teach you, love, not learn you." I corrected. "And you are too little to learn to ride a horse now, maybe when you are older."

"But I'm a big boy! You said I was a big boy! And Kili said big boy's learn how to ride ponies!" He yelled as a frown started to appear on his face.

I looked over at Kili with a questioning glace.

"Okay love, after we find a new home Kili will teach you to ride a pony. We don't have time for it while we travel like this and I don't want you to get hurt."

"No Mommy! Now! Now! Now!" He screamed.

"Alex I have had enough of this! No is my final answer and that is that. I am sorry if you don't like it but you are going to have to just go with me on this one. I need to keep you safe and I can't if you are on the back of a horse, they are dangerous!"

I looked over at Kili for support on this and he did not disappoint.

"Alex, I said I would teach you to ride a pony but I can't do that if you cry like that. Big boys listen to their mothers." He warned with a serious look.

I let out a deep breath.

"Okay, I will listen I promise."

"Oh thank you love! Now I am going to make dinner and I was thinking cowboy food!"

"Cowboy food!" Alex cried. "Pancakes and steak!"

"They are called flapjacks when you make them for dinner, and don't forget the cornbread and beans!" I told him with a smile.

"Cowboy food! Cowboy food! Kili did you hear that? We are having cowboy food!"

The group laughed at Alex's obvious delight. He clapped his hands together.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Bilbo asked timidly.

My smile dropped immediately.

"Stay away from me and my son." I whispered in a deadly calm voice.

"I'm sorry?" he questioned.

"I trusted you with my child! I trusted you to take care of him and protect him! How dare you leave him to chase after some dumb horses? I want you no where near him anymore or so help me God I will rip your innards out through your throat." I whispered. "You could have killed him. If you didn't want to take care of him you should never have offered! I thought I could trust you!"

I knew several others could hear me but my awareness was focused entirely on Bilbo, who was trembling and backing away slowly with his hands raised defensively.

"Now listen here, I didn't want to leave him but I was told -"I cut him off before he could get any further.

"You bring him back to me! If you have to leave him to but both yourself and him in danger you bring him back to his mother!" I yelled with tears springing to my eyes again. "I don't care what you were told! If I trust you with my son it is your job to make sure he had more safety than that behind an uprooted tree!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't think -"

"No you didn't think that's the problem! Now let me get back to my job!" I whispered again.

I knew it was illogical for me to be mad about what had happened especially because I liked Bilbo a lot. But I could not get over the idea that he had just walked away from my son for no other reason than to save a few ponies. He could have just let them go, was it really worth the lives of everyone here to save them?

I began quartering potatoes and in my rush of emotions the knife slipped from my hand and sliced open my palm.

"Son of a b-" I stopped myself as I looked over at Alex's innocent face. "Do you think someone could help me here? I, uh, I cut my hand."

The racket I had caused made all of the dwarves turn to look at me. I saw Oin bustle forward with his pack and smiled gratefully.

"It's just a small cut I think, besides it will match the ones on my face." I joked weakly.

"Let's see now, oh yes." He murmured more to himself than anything else. "Yes dear quite a good slice you've got there. Not to worry we can get that all bandaged up in a jiff and have you right as rain." He smiled warmly.

"Thank you! I just seem to be making a mess of myself." I laughed softly. "I guess it's a good thing I'm not to squeamish around blood."

"Yes, quite." He agreed under his breath.

I let my head sag a little. I had allowed my anger to get the best of me and ended up hurting myself.

"Don't be too hard on Bilbo, Lass, he is just trying to do what he thought was right."

"I know but that was my son." I justified. "I want him to be safe and anyway you cut what just happened it wasn't safe. Please tell me I'm not being so crazy about this."

"I understand. I have family on this trip and I would do anything to keep them safe." He sighed. "There we go! All set, just be careful with the knives."

"Thank you, for everything." I stated sincerely.

"No problem lass. Just make sure you give Bilbo a break."

"I promise to think about it." I agreed.

I turned back to my work and paid slightly more attention to the task at hand.


	12. Unintended Outcomes

**AN: Hi All! I am so sorry for the delay in posts. I went to my cousin's wedding over the weekend and it was just a beautiful time filled with so much love and joy and slightly too much wine! But a long story short there was no Internet connection and I couldn't do anything about it but I am back! On another note, this chapter is the very beginnings of Catherine's and Kili's relationship but I just want to make it clear that this isn't one of those stories where the chick gets the sexy dwarf all the sudden and they jump behind a bush to jump each other's bones. Because really, does anyone think that will really happen? **

I munched on the slightly burnt edges of the cornbread I had made and looked down at the multitude of pots on the fire. Not a single green thing would make the plate, again. I grimaced and thought back to the other meals I had made in the past week. No vegetables, little fruit, and lots of meat.

"We need something green and other vegetables. Carrot, green beans, hell tomatoes would be fine at this point. I have served meal after meal of meat and bread. It's not balanced and isn't good for anyone." I stated as I moved the meat around in the pan.

"Here have these." Fili suggested as he lobed a burlap sack at my head.

It would have landed squarely in my face if Kili had not been there to stick his hand out and grab the rough sack. I saw him shoot a glare at his brother and I could not help but miss the relationship I had with Stephanie.

I took the bag and looked in with mixed apprehension. I sighed as I saw what it was.

"Onions? This is your idea of a vegetable? You are all going to get scurvy and brittle bones! I'm not exactly sure what happens when you don't eat your vegetables but I can guarantee it's not good!" I scolded.

"They are tasty, green food is not." Kili stated with certainty.

"Boys are all the same! Alex won't eat them without a bit of fuss as well. I can make them taste amazing. With butter and a little cinnamon sugar, carrots like you have never had before, and green rice, all very good but impossible to experience if there is nothing green in these bags of food!" I scolded further.

"If you want something green perhaps you could collect some of the grass." Thorin suggested with a sneer.

"It would probably be healthier than what I am serving you now. A heart attack on a plate if you ask me." I muttered as I handed out the plates of food.

"As I was saying the trolls should not be this far from the mountains, they could not travel in the daylight so they must have a cave nearby." Dwalin assessed as he took the plate I offered him without a glace in my direction.

"Your welcome." I muttered as I turned away rolling my eyes slightly.

"We should look for it." Thorin mused as he appraised the surrounding area.

I walked away and refused to listen anymore. I didn't like anything about those trolls and I didn't want to go anywhere near their cave. I would if I had to, but I wasn't about to encourage that adventure.

"Alex, lets have a little talk." I whispered as I went back to sit next to him. He was still perched on Kili's lap but at this point I thought it might be better if Kili was there to hear this one. "Sweetheart, why do you want a new daddy?"

"So that he can teach me knew things about the outdoors and because Lucca says if I get a new daddy I can have a new brother." He nodded. "Is that true Mommy? If you get me a new Daddy I get a new brother?"

I put my hands over my face. I didn't know how to answer that question I didn't even know where to start.

"Who is Lucca?" Kili asked instead of walking away from the situation like I wanted to do.

I looked up in a mixture of awe and confusion. Why didn't he just walk away? Part of me thought he was just dragging Alex's hopes along only to have them crash spectacularly and leave me to deal with the aftermath but a larger part of me reasoned that he actually cared and wanted Alex to be happy.

"Lucca is my sister's son, my nephew, Alexander's cousin, and resident trouble maker." I sighed, looking seriously at Alex. "Lucca is not always right about everything. Do you remember when he told you to put your hand over the butter?" I asked. "Sometimes when a mommy finds a new daddy they have another baby but not all the time and I am not having a baby again for a very long time even after I find a new daddy for you." I explained.

"But I think a baby would be fun. I want a baby brother like Kili!" he stated. "That would be very funny mommy!"

I could not control the laugh that erupted from me as I imagined a small, baby-sized Kili toddling around. I laughed so hard I could not keep myself upright and I leaned back and misjudged the size of the rock I was leaning against and landed flat on my back. I noticed no one else had joined in on my laughter and I hoisted myself up to look at Kili and Alexander. Before I could prop myself up fully Alex decided to crawl on top of me. His little feet jutted out on each side of my waist.

"Why are you laughing Mommy?"

"Because you are right a baby brother would be very funny, but that doesn't mean it will happen." I explained as I tried to regain my serious composure.

I looked over at Kili for some helpful words and saw him scowling and his face a bright crimson. My brow furrowed.

"Yes I do suppose it would be preposterous for me to have a child." He finally stated as he moved to get up and walk away.

"Crap." I muttered under my breath before I could catch myself.

Alex looked at me with a smug smile.

"Mommy that was not a good word." He stated. "You should use another word."

"Yes, that was a very bad word and I should not have used it. Now I need to go and say I am sorry to Kili because I think I hurt his feelings." I explained as I lifted Alex off of my stomach. "Dear Lord! What have you been eating? Rocks? You are so heavy!" I complained.

"No Mommy, not rocks!" he exclaimed with such seriousness I had to control my laughter again.

"Okay son, not rocks!" I agreed as I took his hand and lead him over to Bombur hoping he would watch Alex while I went to fix the mess I had created.

I found Kili not far removed from the rest of the group sitting on an abandoned rock and casually flicking stray pieces of grass into empty space. I sighed and looked at the picture shaking my head about how I had even dug this particular hole.

"You know I don't think that." I stated as I ambled up to him, hooking my thumbs on my belt and looking out to the empty space.

"I do not know what you mean." He bit out.

"I think you will have children someday and will be a very good father when you find the right lady." I clarified, still not looking at him. "I wasn't laughing at the idea of you having children, that isn't even close to where my mind went. When Alex said he wanted a little brother like you I imagined you but shrunken." I made movement with my hands to emphasise how little I had imagined him. "And you kinda toddled around and then fell over because of the strange proportions I had made you. I wasn't laughing because I thought the idea of your children was funny, because it's not."

I finally looked over and saw a small smile on his face.

"I suppose that makes sense." He allowed. "I am sorry I overreacted, it is a rather sore spot for me but I should have known." He whispered.

"How would you have known?" I asked quietly as I intertwined my fingers with his without thought. "If others have treated you poorly what would make you think I am different? I mean I am, but how would you have known that?" We still had not made eye contact but I felt as if our conversation was the most genuine I'd had in a while.

"Because you had never done it before. If people are going to make fun of me for something they usually aren't going to wait a week before they do." He explained softly.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed without registering my breath.

"Life is so hard. When did that happen? I can remember being young and in University and just having a good time without a care in the world, and some time in between now and then life just got wicked hard." I declared with rye smile. "I know you guys have all made fun of my age and some have said worse things than others about it."

He looked as if he was about to cut in and I held up my free hand to stop him.

"No, no even back home I am young to be a mother but I am good at it. I'm not quite as young as you think though. I have been thinking about this; the average life expectancy of a woman in 2013 is about eighty-one and on top of that you have the peak fertility age being about twenty-five. So if you look at it like that it's kinda like I have already lived over a quarter of my life." I finished with a grimace. "Good God that makes me sound ancient."

He laughed a laugh that rumbled throughout is entire body making my head shake.

"Is that so? Well dwarves live for about two hundred and fifty years." My mouth dropped open. "And I am seventy-seven, so that means I have lived how long?" he asked with a smile.

I had always been good with numbers. My father had always said it was because of my rather awful shopping addiction.

"Quick calculations? You have lived a little over ten per cent of your life. Which makes me older than you." I laughed. "So let's figure it out, if I were a dwarf how old would I be? You all live about three times as long as I do if not a little more." I muttered to myself as I figured it out in my head. "So that makes me eighty seven, give or take a few years." I stated with confidence. "Okay now that makes me feel too old."

"You know I never said anything about your age." He clarified with a hint of insistency.

"I know I heard you that first night with Fili and a couple times after that. You have always been very kind to me and I don't think there is really anyway to show you how thankful I am for that. I started off so worried that Alex would be miserable here, but he seems to have figured out the way to play the game better than I have. It turns out I'm the one that didn't make friends, well, except you and I'm quite partial to Bofur though I don't know what he thinks about me."

"Is that what we are? Friends?" he asked with a sincerity that knocked me back slightly.

I paused thinking for a moment before shaking my head to stop overthinking the question.

"That is what we are at this moment, at least that is what I want us to be at this moment, but I could not tell you what we would be in the future." I paused hoping he would pick up on my not so subtle hints.

He looked lost as he tried to piece together the meaning of my words.

"Do you not expect us to be friends in the future?" he asked slowly with his brow creased I such a way that made it obvious he was thinking hard.

"Um, no, that wasn't exactly what I meant." I blushed a crimson I was sure Kili had never seen before. "I was thinking that I like you, and I could very easily see myself liking you more than I like most of my friends so I thought maybe in the future I would like if our relationship changed. Not disappear."

"I see." He stated simply.

"I mean if you didn't see our relationship headed in that direction I would totally understand. Lord knows I have more than my fair share of baggage and there is always the issue of attraction. So, I have shown you all of my cards, no ace up the sleeve on this one. The metaphorical ball is in your court." He looked confused by the saying so I clarified the best I could. "It's your turn, no pressure or anything, but I would like to know where you stood in this mess."

He nodded briefly as he stared into the darkness.

"Is it possible that I just don't know?" he asked softly.

"Asking your elder for advice?" I laughed. "Yes I think it's possible that you don't know. Take your time, take an hour, take a day, hell take a week. I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future." I slowly got up from the rock I had perched on with him. "I am going to find my son and go to bed because I am exhausted." I stated with a smile before leaning down to press a small kiss on Kili's cheek. "Regardless of our relationship, I am so glad I had the pleasure to meet you." I whispered.


	13. All That Glitters

"Come on son, bed time for little princes." I stated warmly before picking him up and propping him on my hip.

"Song game first!" he exclaimed with a warm smile and a small hand patting my chest. "We have time for that right Mommy?" he double-checked without waiting for an answer. "I want Fili and Kili to play too." He looked over expectantly.

I chuckled slightly at his antics.

"We can play the song game but Fili and Kili won't know the songs because they have never heard the songs you like." I reasoned. "If they wanted they could listen and maybe be on your team." I looked over at them warily.

I saw Kili nod and shoot a pleading look over at his brother before Fili nodded his head too.

"How does one play this game?" Fili asked. "And is there money to be won from it?" he questioned again as he made himself comfortable against a rock.

"No, no money. All you have to do is guess the song I'm singing. Alex loves this game right before bed because we can play it while he lies down but as soon as he can't get one the game's over and we have to go to bed." I explained "Okay, I have the first song ready are you ready?" I looked over at Alex as I sat down with a bit more force then I intended.

He nodded his head and I began to sing several bars from songs I knew he would recognise. I would only start to use songs he wouldn't know after we reached the twenty-minute marker, if we even got that far.

_"Oh I'm the king of the swingers oh, the jungle VIP. I've reached the top and had to stop and that's what's bothering me." _I planed on singing a little more to prolong the amount of time I had to think of another song but Alex cut me off.

"Easy Mommy! Jungle Book!" he exclaimed with a clap of his hands.

"Okay the next ones are going to be harder. That one was too easy for you!" I laughed. "Next one: _Prince Ali! Handsome is he, Ali Ababwa. That physique! How can I speak? Weak at the knee. Well, get on out in that square. Adjust your veil and prepare, to gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali!" _I got further this time, as Alex thought over the hordes of movies he had watched in the past years.

"Kili do you know?" he turned to stare at Kili expectantly.

I smirked knowing that he would be as stumped as Alex.

"I can't say that I do." He responded with a frown.

"Oh, I know, it's the thief one!" Alex yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Oh you are just too smart for this game!" I pronounced with a smile.

We continued to play the game for another fifteen minutes with minimal interruption form either Fili or Kili except for the occasional frown as they attempted to understand the lyrics of foreign songs. I finally decided it was really time for bed and gave Alex a song I loved but knew he had never heard.

_"I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me. And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me. And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two, and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like 'I love you'."_ I paused there and let Alex try to figure it out.

His little hands curled into fists as he thought.

"No fair Mommy! I don't know that song!" He whined.

"Well love, if you knew every song we would never get to bed and this would not be a very fun game." I told him with a glance.

"But I don't want the game to be over." He argued.

"I know but I promise we can play the game tomorrow if you would like." I offered as I laid out several blankets for him to sleep on and gestured for him to lie down. "Say goodnight to everybody." I encouraged was he took his spot and I tucked him in.

"Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Kili, Goodnight Fili." He chimed happily. "Mommy I love you." He smiled up at me.

"I love you too baby, with my whole heart." I assured him.

I saw his little smile morph into a frown. He remained silent and I didn't want to press him afraid it would make it impossible to get him asleep. It was as if someone flipped a switch, he fell asleep in under five minutes of closing his eyes. I got up and moved around several of the pots and pans that were scraped clean. I continued to sing one of the Disney tunes without thought.

"Those are interesting songs you sing." Dwalin muttered at me while I moved to clear his plate.

I stared at him for a moment, unsure if this was really happening. Dwalin never acknowledged my presence unless it was to scold me for something Alex had done. It took me a minute to become aware of my jaw that now hung by the ground. I closed it and took a large breath.

"Children's songs." I dismissed briefly. "Just something to amuse Alex with not any great feat of musical genius."

"I said they were interesting, not impressive." He grunted as he turned to talk to one of the others.

I wasn't so willing to allow this rare opening to pass so quickly and I immediately changed my tactics.

"They are the songs I grew up with, I needed to pass them on to my son." I explained with a little more grace. "I love them but they do sometimes get repetitive. I'm sure you have heard me sing them all at least once, he is nothing if not persuasive."

Dwalin looked at me as if I had grown a second head while I was talking. His eyes grew wide as he turned to face me and the permanent scowl he carried etched deeper into his face.

"That's nice." He grunted before turning away again.

The conversation was summarily over. I sighed

"Because it is too much to ask to make a friend now and again." I muttered under my breath as I returned to my work.

I didn't expect help cleaning the mess and I received none. I enjoyed my job because I knew it meant that I was still useful, still valuable, even if only in a small way. However it did not stop me from feeling overworked and underappreciated. I went to bed tired, I woke up tired, I was perpetually tired but I refused to say anything. I wanted to be strong, for Alex and for myself. I needed to prove myself, even if that just meant doing the dishes.

As I closed my eyes I saw Nori packing up the dishes I had intended to leave for the morning. I smiled and was filled with a small amount of hope. He was doing something just to be nice, he wasn't acting in a particular way so that I would owe him, and he wasn't doing it in a way to shame me for failing. Maybe I was getting somewhere with these men, maybe I was growing on them, or maybe my food was, either way I wasn't about to question his motives.

When I woke up I was immediately wide-awake. It was the most alert I had felt in a while. I could not figure out why but I intended to take advantage of it as I set about making breakfast. As I loaded the plates with food I remembered Nori's kindness and placed several extra sausages on his overloaded plate that would have normally gone to Bombur.

I handed out plates and watched as they inhaled the food I placed before them. I slowly handed Alex pieces of sausage as I listened to their plans for the day. I wanted to protest over the plans to look for the trolls cave but instead I kept my mouth shut and smiled when I was looked at.

We started out soon after that but only had to travel a short distance, following along a path of uprooted trees before a stench began to overwhelm me, forcing me to stop along the side of the path.

"Mommy! It's stinky!" Alex complained loudly.

"I know love don't worry I'm stopping here, we will not go any closer." I comforted as one hand rubbed his back and the other moved up to block my nose from the putrid smell. It was unidentifiable, a mix between horseshit and rotting food. I gagged slightly as I sniffed in slightly. "You all go ahead of us. I think Alex and I are best at a distance. Trust me you don't want a puking three year old on your hands" I justified with a look at Kili.

He nodded and continued on further without a word.

I frowned as he moved forward. I feared that he was put off by my slightly forward declaration last night.

"Find me something sparkly!" I called after him.

I paused and frowned further as I thought about my last comment. How many times had I told Stephen that when he asked about gifts? How many times had I leaned over and whispered that in his ear? I felt tears well up in my eyes that I almost missed Kili looking back and waving his reassurance. Why had I said that? Habit, perhaps, Lord knows Stephen was nothing like Kili.

It turned out that Alex and I were not the only ones unwilling to brave the stench for some maybe treasures.

"Mommy can we play patty cake?" Alex asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Of course love. That would be a great way to pass the time." I stated. I wanted to keep talking more than anything in an attempt to put off playing that game but couldn't bring myself to say no. I knew that once he got started it would be almost impossible to get him to stop.

We played for only ten minutes before the group that had entered the cave emerged. They were covered in a thick layer of mud and grinning like nothing I had ever seen before. Kili came up to me and made himself comfortable.

"I found your something sparkly." He stated in a soft voice.

"Oh yeah? Something good I hope. Something unlike anything I have ever seen before?" I laughed as I continued to play with Alex.

"Well you will have to look for yourself." I saw him shrug out of the corner of my eye.

I paused the game Alex had created in slapping my hands together and looked at the things Kili took from the inside pocket of his jacket. I glanced briefly before I let out a large gasp. A ruby the size of my index finger nail, an emerald greener than any other I could imagine, and a handful of sapphires larger than any I had seen before.

I slowly ran my hand over all of them before looking up at Kili. He wore a huge grin that I could not help but smile at.

"They are beautiful." I whispered.

I am sure the longing was apparent in my eyes as I picked up one of the sapphires and held it up to the sun. Jewellery was one of my very few weaknesses, since I was ten my father would present me with one piece for my birthday. As the years wore on my knowledge of gems increased and my love grew. These were not the purist of rocks I had seen but they were up there.

"You are a funny man Kili." I murmured as I placed the sapphire on my hand in between my ring and middle finger. "I have never seen anything like these before. But these aren't for me." I insisted as I placed the sapphire back with the others. "They are too nice, you should just keep them in your pocket and, well, I don't know look at them once and a while." I laughed.

"No, no I picked these out for you they are yours. What would I do with a few gems? I'm being nice, this doesn't happen often." He warned with a smirk.

That was all it took for me to accept the small rocks that lay in his outstretched hand.

"Why do you do such nice things that I can never show my gratitude for? Thank you." I giggled as I leaned in to give him a hug. "Look Alex! Kili gave me these pretty rocks and this one looks just like the colour of your eyes. And these ones match Mommy's." I held up both the emerald and sapphires.

Alex looked at the gems with mild curiosity before moving off to look at a bug that had crossed his path.


	14. Dead Alone

"Mommy where did the colour rocks come from?" Alex asked lazily as he leaned into me on the horse.

"Well love, men go in the earth and dig them up." I explained tentatively. I didn't know much about the actual mining process. "There are some men that travel a long way to find them in the water. You are too little to remember but when you were just born we went to California and your Daddy looked for gold in the water. I thought you did not care about the coloured rocks." I asked with a smile.

"No, I like mud." Alex stated. I laughed, truer words had never been spoken. "Mommy, I don't think I can really love you." He blurted suddenly. The way he said it clear that he had been thinking about it for a while.

"Oh honey, do you know how sad that makes me when you say that? That just breaks my heart." I whispered.

"But Mommy you love me with your whole heart, and you only have one. But I love Daddy and Stephanie and Uncle Jon and you, but I only have one heart." He explained seriously.

I giggled slightly as I heard what he was trying to explain.

"Oh Alexander, just because I love you with my whole heart does not mean I don't love anybody else. I loved your Daddy very much, I love your Auntie Stephanie, and I love your Uncle. But you Alex, everything I do is because I love you. That is what I mean when I say I love you with my whole heart. I think you can love all of those people and more if you want to, you can even love them with your whole heart." I assured softly.

"Can I love Kili?"

"Well love, you can love him but love is a very strong feeling and sometimes it takes a long time to find out if you love someone." I explained again.

"Did it take a long time for you to love Daddy?"

"Actually I knew I loved your daddy almost right away. Do you know why?" I asked and I saw Alex shake his head. "Because your daddy took very good care of me when I was sick, and no one had ever done that for me before."

"Okay Mommy, you take care of me when I am sick."

"Yes I do, that is because I love you."

"Do you love Kili?"

It was as if a magnet had attached itself to our horse as all of the others turned to ogle our conversation and I could feel my face burning and palms starting to sweat.

"I really like Kili. I think he is nice and funny," I tickled his sides causing him to burst out in small giggles. "And he uses the words 'please' and 'thank you' more often than you do, and those are all really good things, but love is so much more than any of those things and it takes time. Do you understand?" I asked with a frown on my face.

"Yes I do." He nodded shortly before falling silent again.

"Good, I always want you to ask me questions. Don't ever feel as if you can't ask me questions. As for the rest of you, put your eyes back in your head and at least pretend to give us some privacy." I scolded.

I heard a slight rustling in the brush behind us but chose to ignore it, assuming it was probably just a small rabbit of maybe a dear. Regardless of what it was I was sure Kili would kill it for supper and I really didn't want to explain that to Alex yet. We might have had a house out in the country but we lived incredibly suburban lives and as far as he was concerned meat came from the butcher wrapped in brown paper, not Bambi. I had already explained that milking a cow didn't hurt the cow, and that chicken eggs were not baby chickens. Although he found the idea of an egg coming out of a chicken's butt rather amusing it did not stop him from becoming worried that he was eating baby chickens.

The rustling got louder and seemed closer until it finally garnered somebody else's attention.

"Do you hear that?" Ori asked Oin as he turned nervously in his seat.

Oin looked in the direction of the sound and called Thorin over, causing the entire company to stop everything and draw their weapons. Several had jumped off their ponies and began brandishing swords and axes. Kili had his bow draw tight. Their alertness caused me to worry and I tightened my grasp on Alex.

"Sweetheart we might have to move very fast in a moment and I want you to stay as still as you can." I whispered into Alex's ear as I saw the rest of the dwarves dismount their ponies and draw weapons.

"What's happening Mommy?" he asked desperately.

I shook my head slightly, forgetting that he could not see my face.

"I am not sure son but it might be something dangerous and we don't want to be around for that." I explained as a howl ripped through the air.

I took in a large gasp of air as my eyes darted around the trees we were ensconced in. I didn't want to move until I could see what was coming and in what direction it was coming from. I would only make it worse if I ran toward the beast. I thought back to the dream I had several nights ago after someone explained Orcs to me. If they were even half as scary and as lethal as my imagination had created them they would be more than I could ever handle.

Beads of sweat formed on my brow and my lip began to quiver. I suddenly realised that I was shit on a horse; I could barely manage to make the thing go with two of us on him and I didn't even know how to make the thing move faster than a trot. Part of me hoped that if I let the horse get spooked enough it would run of it's own volition but a bigger part of me knew that I could not let my child's safety be left in the hands of a misbehaving horse and an unskilled rider.

Finally making up my mind I slowly dismounted and grabbed Alex and settled him on my hip. It seemed that Alex understood the severity of the situation; he clung to my hair and silently pulled it over his eyes. The rustling became louder and a large wolf like creature came charging out of the brush. It was larger than anything I could have imagined.

Proper thought left my body as I let out a blood-curdling scream. I could not stop as I watched Kili shoot arrow after arrow into the wolf's thick head. The only logical thing I could think of doing is running so I did. I ran in the complete opposite direction but I could think of nothing else except for saving both my son and myself. I thought I could hear the others behind us but I could not tell for sure and at that point I could not bring myself to care. My brain was screaming at me to get away, as far away as possible. I finally made it out of the mess of trees and looked around, I was out of breath; my feet felt as if they were on fire and my arms were beginning to shake due to Alex's weight as he rested on my hip. I knew I could not let him down now, he would never be able to keep pace with me and the animal things were coming. I silently cursed myself for getting of the damn horse that had without a doubt bolted in the panic.

I was surrounded by open land, without a clue as to the correct direction. I could hear someone or something coming up behind us and I decided I was best off just running. I picked a direction and sprinted towards some rocks I figured I could hide behind. I heard Alex's wails and paused momentarily.

"Sweetheart, I know you are scared but I am going to fix this. You and me, we, are going to be just fine." I promised with a shaky voice that came out more as an unintentional whisper. "But baby, right now I need you to be very quiet. Can you do that for me Alexander?" I pleaded. I watched as he nodded slowly and wiped some of his tears off on the back of his hand. "Oh you are such a good boy, I love you so much." I whispered as I pressed a kiss to his temple.

I sprinted off towards the rocks this time sure that I heard something behind us. I didn't wait to identify it as friend or foe I just kept going. I stumbled once and barely caught my footing, it got harder and harder to think properly as I ran further. I tried to watch my footsteps more carefully but my foot got caught on a small hole and I tumbled to the ground only just remembering to turn my body slightly so that I didn't end up crushing Alex.

A sharp pain shot up from my ankle and I winced slightly. I felt Alex prop himself up against my side. His little hands pushed gently against my stomach.

"Mommy get up!" he screamed.

"Okay love I need you to get off of me so that I can get up." I whispered trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

He clambered off me as quickly as he could when he heard that but kept a frim grasp on my hand. I tried to push myself off the ground and place a fraction of my weight on my foot. It hurt like a knife was being jabbed through my ankle. My features screwed up in pain but I forced myself to hobble along at half speed.

"Alex I need you to keep going. Do you see those rocks over there?" I pointed at the large outcropping I had been heading for. He nodded and clung to my neck. "Just go to them and hide. I am coming but I can't move that fast. I will come to you! Do you understand? I will always be with you!" I reassured in a shaky voice. "I need you to go now!"

I pushed him forward softly and watched him run for a moment before starting to move again. I could hear something coming up behind me and my heart began to beat impossibly faster. I felt large hands grab my shoulders and I began screaming again. The hands turned me around roughly and I looked squarely in the face of Dwalin. I let out a large gush of air when I saw him.

"Stop screaming!" he yelled effectively shutting me up.

"Thank God it's you." I cried as I flung myself at him. "I told Alex to run. He should be behind the rocks." I pointed out the same rocks as before. "I hurt myself, I need you to take him, keep him safe." I rushed out. "Please just make sure he is alright." I begged.

"And you?"

"I'll be fine I just can't carry him anymore and he can't make it on his own." I whimpered, scared that my child would be left alone.

Dwalin didn't say anything else as he rushed forward to the point I had indicated. I saw the rest of the company move around me and sighed suddenly filled with fatigue.

"Do you need help?" Kili questioned still looking behind us for the animals. "I could carry you." He offered.

"No, don't be silly! I am just going to be a little bit slower." I smiled as I tried to mask my fear.

I knew I had broken something in my foot but I didn't want to say anything. I knew they could not carry me, I weighed too much and they were moving too fast. Kili did not look convinced but he continued to run. I tried to keep pace but I quickly fell behind. I heard howls behind me but was too afraid to look behind me. I saw a small patch of rocks on my left and prayed that I could hide myself behind them fast enough.

I flopped gracelessly behind the largest boulder and held my breath. I could hear them; I clinched my eyes shut and blindly griped a loose rock. Every part of my body hurt but I would fight. I heard a loud snort and felt a hot breath on my shoulder. Almost dreading the outcome I turned and looked up at the monster that loomed over me. There were no more screams left in me as I looked up at the largest wolf-like creature I had ever seen, but what scared me more was the large creature that rode atop it. It was clearly human of some kind, though it was larger than any one that I had seen before. It was large and hairy and growling with a look of pure hunger in its eye. I backed away slowly as I say the wolf's legs bend and prepare to pounce.

I raised my hand that held the rock preparing to defend myself but the moment never came.


	15. Unscathed

I looked around franticly. The wolf and its rider had disappeared. I propped myself up on my elbows, unable and unwilling to place any pressure on my foot, with the sun beating down in my eyes I could barely see anything until a shadow moved in front of me. I began to panic again, the animal had not disappeared and was coming back to finish the job. I covered my face and began begging it not to kill me, I didn't know if it could understand me but it was worth a try.

"Please, please I have a child!" I cried as I felt warm tears running down my face.

There was no response. I slowly lowered my hands and looked at the shadow. My eyes were wide as I trained my head upward. It wasn't the animal from before; instead it was a horse with a tall, slim, rider perched atop. He was clearly male and openly confused by my protests 'not to kill me'. He had a large bow pulled taught and pointing directly at me. My eyes grew impossibly wider as I took in the picture; he was an intimidating image. I immediately dropped the rock I was clutching to and raised my hands up in surrender.

"Please, help me." I begged. "We were traveling and these beasts, they attacked us and I fell. I hurt myself and I lost the others. Please you have to help me! My son, I don't know where he went!"

This man did not look friendly but he was a damn sight more attractive than the animal about to eat me.

He started talking in a strange language and I all I could do was stare at him. It was beautiful but I was too focused on Alex's well being to think much of it.

"What is your name?" he questioned finally, in a voice that matched his imperious gaze.

"I'm Catherine, Catherine Chilton. Please I need your help." My voice had gone raspy because of all my screaming and I was left with whispers. "Alex, he needs me!" I pushed myself up onto my feet and let out a scream as I felt my ankle give way from underneath me.

I must have looked extremely pathetic as I tried to stand again and this time the man hopped down from his horse and gently placed his hand on my back, both steadying me and taking some of the weight off of my foot. I sagged gratefully into him and let out a sigh.

"Thank you." I whispered as I shut my eyes in relief. "Will you help me find my son? He was only supposed to be a few metres ahead of me."

I heard him say something in a language I did not understand and looked around. There were several other men also on horses surrounding us.

"Please I could pay you. Just please find my baby!" I begged becoming more desperate with each word.

"That will be unnecessary." The man finally stated. "We will help you find your child and then we will take you to Lord Elrond." His voice carried a power that was not to be second-guessed.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I don't know your name." I stated with a furrowed brow.

"I am called Elladan." He responded after staring at me for a moment. He looked pensive but I brushed off the look as just precaution that would naturally occur when agreeing to help seemingly insane women that can't walk.

"Thank you Elladan, for saving me and for helping me find my son." I smiled through the tearstains and cuts that marred my face. I felt like a giant bruise but I could not stop moving until I found Alex and made sure he was safe.

He helped me onto his horse slowly and I could not help the yelps that escaped my mouth. Whenever the horse moved slightly it would jostle my foot and send shooting pain throughout my leg.

"Where did you say your son was supposed to be?" Elladan asked softly as we came upon a grouping of rocks that looked like the ones I had directed Alex to.

"He was supposed to be here!" I answered as panic ran through me. "I sent Dwalin to find him and take care of him!"

"We need to return to Lord Elrond and inform him of an Orc pack this close. We can send a party out to look for your son." Elladan explained as I saw the other men turning around.

"What? No, what about my son? What if those things attacked him? I can't leave him out here!" I exclaimed as I tried to dismount the horse I was stuck on. My ankle protested as I let out a scream in pain and stopped my actions.

"Please, Lady Catherine, I assure you this is the best thing we can do for him now. We will find your son." He assured and for some reason I believed him.

"My son." I whimpered as I felt hot tears fall again. "Just find him." I begged.

I could not be bothered to take in the views that flew past us as I worried over Alex's safety. I clung blindly to Elladan and only looked up when I felt us slowing down slightly. The sight I laid my eyes upon was undeniably impressive. It was a city seemingly carved into the face of a mountain. It seemed to glitter in the sunlight and cast an ethereal glow on the surrounding trees.

"Where are we?" I questioned in a whispered, not expecting anyone to hear me.

"This, Lady Catherine, is Imladris." Elladan answered in the same hushed tone. "Though you might know of it by another name, it is referred to as Rivendell in the Common Tongue."

I shook my head slightly.

"I have never heard of this place." I whispered, still in awe of the sheer amount of beauty this place possessed.

I noticed the rest of the men dismounting their horses and handing them off to waiting hands. Elladan and I however remained on his horse as he continued onto a narrow bridge. I saw on the other side a group of several others, I immediately recognised Gandalf as he stood several feet above the others. I let out a small breath; if the dwarves were there Alex was sure to be there as well. We were no more than half way across the bridge before I started yelling.

"Alex? Alexander!"

My shouts garnered the attention of the entire gathering as I saw their heads turn. We were still too far away to determine whose faces looked back at me and I wanted to be sick. If Alexander was not in that group that meant he was alone and possibly hurt.

"Alexander Declan Taylor you come out right now. Please baby, it's Mommy!" I called again when we got a small distance closer.

I saw a movement in the group and suddenly a small blond head was made visible. I let out another scream, this one in pure joy. He was alive.

"Mommy!" I heard him cry as we finally got close enough to see faces. "See Daddy? Mommy's fine because she is my Mommy and mommy's are always fine." He stated with a smile as he patted Kili's face gently.

He was acting calm now but I could see the tears stains on his cheeks. I practically threw myself off of the horse once it came to a stop. My foot protested but I ignored it as I hobbled along to see Alex.

"Sweetheart! Oh I love you so much." I kissed his cheek several times before pulling him into a tight hug.

"Where did you go Mommy?" he asked, his words still muffled as I pressed him into my chest.

I released him unwillingly so that I could sit down and take the pressure off of my foot. My feet sprawled aimlessly on either side of Alex and I pulled Alex down so he rested on my thigh.

"I didn't go anywhere! I went to go find you and you weren't there." I answered as I rubbed his back softly.

"Dahlin said you told him to find me and take me some place safe and then we went into a hole in the ground and the doggies couldn't reach us and then we came here and look mommy that man dresses like Robin Hood. But don't worry Daddy and Dahlin took care of me and I was sad at first but now it's all better." He gave me the quick rundown of events since we had been separated.

"I am so glad you are alright. Thank you." I murmured with grateful looks at both Dwalin and Kili.

Dwalin only grunted before turning away but Kili knelt down and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I know now." He whispered with a smile before standing back up and returning to the conversation.

My mouth hung open in disbelief. I felt Alex moving softly and looked down at him.

"My little prince, I was so worried." I whispered as I pressed yet another kiss to his temple.

"I love Kili like I love Daddy and he takes care of me and I'm going to call him Daddy and you can't stop me." He proclaimed as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Sweetheart, I love you very much and I am more than willing to listen to you and take your thoughts into consideration but we do not talk like that to each other. Do I make myself clear?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"Mommy I want to talk like this!"

"I am sorry you feel that way. You let me know when you are ready to calm down and talk." I answered simply.

I slowly picked myself off of the floor and looked around for something to lean on. Kili automatically put his arm around my waist and steadied me as I tried to understand what was going on. From what I could tell Thorin was steadfastly refusing the help of these men while the taller one was remaining calm and cool almost to the point of annoyance.

"It appears there is another amongst you now." He smiled over at me. "The Lady Catherine, so Elladan tells me. Not of this world and in the company of dwarves with a child. An interesting story without a doubt." I felt Alex cling to my uninjured leg and wrap himself into my dress.

"Well you know my name but I'm afraid I don't know yours." I smiled and held out my hand.

"I am Lord Elrond and you are more than welcome here for as long as you need." He took my hand and embraced it warmly with both of his.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, thank you for your most generous offer." I smiled back as warmly as possible. "Alex what do we say to the nice man?"

"Why are you dressed like Robin Hood? Mommy can I dress like Robin Hood again?"

"That is not what we say. We say thank you!" I scolded.

"Right thank you. But Mommy for what?" he asked again.

"He said we could stay here if we wanted and that is a very nice thing to do." I explained softly inadvertently leaning back on Kili in my fatigue.

"With Daddy?"

"No love, he has things he needs to do."

"But I don't want to leave my new Daddy! No you can't make me! No Daddy no go!" he cried loudly.

"Stop! I hear you are upset I know that this is hard and scary for you but this is not how we get what we want." I finally commanded in a hushed tone.

Kili leaned down and picked up Alex with one hand.

"Alex your mother is doing what is best for you." Kili whispered.

I had a feeling that Kili's words were lost on Alex as he wrapped his arms around Kili's neck and finding a comfortable spot in his shoulder.

"Please come, eat and relax." Lord Elrond welcomed holding his hands out wide and smiling briefly.

I wanted to trust him. He seemed like a nice guy, but there was something about him, almost like he was trying too hard to be friendly. I looked around none of the others seemed to have a problem with the mention of food so I decided to keep my mouth shut. I started to hobble along but was quickly stopped by Kili's hand as he grabbed the fabric on the back of my dress causing me to look over at him. He shook his head softly with a look.

"How else am I supposed to get anywhere?" I asked with a small smile.

A devious look spread across his face as he waved his brother over. Fili came striding over with a look that matched his brother.

"Oh no! No, don't!" I tried to back way but my foot betrayed me.

"Ah brother! Could you give our dear Catherine some help to the dining table?" He asked with a laugh.

"My pleasure." Fili laughed as he swooped me off my feet and tossed me over his shoulder.

"Very mature." I scolded but could not keep the laughter out of my voice as I slapped his back once or twice.

Eventually he sat me down on a long wide bench with my foot jutting out in front of me.

"What changed? I thought you didn't like me?" I asked before the others could interrupt us.

"Kili." He answered without missing a beat. "When we thought you were dead, something changed for him. He cares for you, and if he cares that much for you, you might be around for a while. I figured I should treat you as such." He grimaced. "Don't get me wrong, I still think his attraction for you is strange and incomprehensible but he is my brother."

"Well that is very sweet of you." I stated. I didn't know if that was the appropriate response but had nothing else to say.

I saw Kili coming up behind Fili and broke out in a smile. Alex had apparently fallen asleep on Kili's shoulder.

"There's my favourite little guy! Did he fall asleep on you? Oh he must have been so stressed today. Well I guess I will just let him sleep. I swear it is so weird how this kid sleeps, hours upon hours and he is still tired. I can take him from you if you want." I offered as I looked over at Kili.

He gave a little shake of his head before sitting down next to me.

"It's fine he is comfortable. Besides it gives us a small amount of time to talk." He smiled.

"Can we talk while someone looks at my foot? I can't tell if I broke it or not but it really hurts." I explained. "The next time crazy giant wolves attack us I will not be running away on foot." I laughed bitterly. "I just wanted to protect Alex."

I pushed back a lock of curls that ad fallen in front of his face.

"You did protect Alex. He is safe now and so are you. You did your job as a mother." He comforted.

"From what Alex tells me you did my job too." I smiled. "Why do I spend everyday thanking you?"


	16. Humble Beginnings

"So elves?" I questioned finally with a frown. "But, they are tall." I pointed out. "Aren't elves supposed to be, I don't know, small?" I saw some of the elves casting me bad looks so I immediately lowered my voice as I turned back to Kili, who was currently laughing at my confusion.

"Small? In your world elves are small?" he chuckled.

"And make believe." I supplied with a smile. "They are children's stories, you know, Santa and his elves deliver presents to good little boys and girls on Christmas." I explained which only caused Kili to laugh harder. "Okay stop laughing! You are jostling my foot every time you do that and I am sure you are making Oin's job of patching me back together very challenging." I scolded with a laugh.

"Okay, a more serious topic. Have you decided if you will be staying here?" his eyes bore into me with an intensity I almost could not stand.

"It is tempting. I mean we would be safe here and I have no doubt that we would be comfortable. But I don't know, there are no kids around here so Alex would be lonely a fair amount. And there aren't to many ways to split that we are different. We would stick out like a sore thumb. But the real problem is that I know I don't want to stay here forever. If I were to continue with you I would be able to see other places." I stopped at the look on Kili's face.

"Catherine, you can't come with us." He declared. "It's dangerous, you could get killed."

"I know that." I took in a large breath of air. "I guess I was just hoping I could find a place that I would want to stay at for a long time not some halfway house." I looked around and took in the beautiful architecture. "I'm being unreasonable. I should be happy about getting to stay someplace so beautiful." I glanced back at Kili.

"There we go lass, that should feel better in a week or so but it is incredibly important not to put too much pressure on it for too long. Keep the walking to a minimum." Oin warned as he finished the dressing on my ankle.

"You got it Doc!" I smiled. "Thanks for patching me up again."

"Not a problem." He patted the upper part of my leg as he moved on to the table now laden with different foods.

"Kili, I need to ask. What did you mean when you said you knew?" I asked quietly as I leaned into his shoulder and absently played with Alex's curls that had flopped into the crook of Kili's neck.

"I know how I feel about you and Alex and I know that it is more than friendship."

"Good." I smiled. "Because at this point I don't think I could get Alex to stop calling you Daddy, and I like you too." I giggled. "Perhaps we could talk about this later tonight? When Alex isn't sleeping on you and your brother isn't shooting me death looks."

"Why would he be looking over here?"

"Oh he warned me about you! Told me that if I didn't watch myself, if I hurt you even unintentionally, he would not hesitate to kill me. He is very protective of you, and for some reason thinks I'm some sort of heartbreaker."

"Are you a heartbreaker?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shook my head with a laugh.

"I met Stephen when I was eighteen years old and only had one other boyfriend before him. Both decided to end our relationship on their terms. I was less the heartbreaker and more the heartbroken."

"Ah and who was the first lucky man?" Kili smiled not hiding his genuine curiosity.

"His name was Jackson Reid Forester III, a real loser and crazy pretentious. His mom could trace her family back to the Queen, or some such nonsense." I snorted with a roll of my eyes. "And she always acted like I wasn't good enough. I mean my ancestors came over on the Mayflower, my mother was a member of the board at the DAR but no, that wasn't good enough for her precious Jack-Jack." I looked over at Kili with a smirk playing on my lips. "I was fourteen, what that's like your early forties? I was young and in love and then Jessica Mahoney came in with her blonde hair and huge-." I paused and thought of another way to get my point across, if my hand gestures hadn't already. "She was well developed and Jackson just tagged after her like a lost puppy."

Kili let out a harsh laugh before stopping because of Alex's moans.

"Just let him wake up." I sighed. "He needs to eat anyways. God I was so worried." I reiterated. "When I didn't find you all by the rocks I thought those animals had gotten you. I started looking for body parts." I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes again.

"I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt Alexander." Kili vowed. "He is too innocent."

"Mommy I'm hungry." Alex moaned still half asleep.

"Look at all this food son. So many choices, and I didn't have to cook any of it!" I exclaimed as Kili turned him towards the table. "Kili, after I put Alex to bed tonight I would like to talk to you a little more about you and me." I stated as casually as I could, still turned towards the tables of food.

"But I want Daddy to put me to bed." Alex whined. "And you Mommy, I want you and Daddy to put me to bed together." He explained seriously as he examined a carrot.

"Alex I need you to either put that in your mouth or put it down, we don't play with our food." I scolded. "I will talk to Kili about putting you to bed but that won't happen for another little bit."

"Mommy can I eat with Dahlin?" He asked suddenly.

"Sweetheart his name is Dwalin with a W." I corrected softly. "Why do you want to eat with him?"

"Because he is nice." Alex responded after a long pause. "And I like the Dahlin better."

"Alright son, if you want to eat with Dwalin you can but if he asked you to go I need you to listen to him and come back here." I warned with a furtive look over at Dwalin.

Alex wriggled out of Kili's hands and trotted off to stand next to Dwalin. I watched in amazement as Alex ran up to Dwalin and stood beside him like a little soldier.

"What is he doing?" I asked quietly.

"Dwalin has trained yet another little warrior." Kili chuckled.

"What does that -" I paused mid way through my sentence.

After only two minutes of Alex standing next to Dwalin I saw the dwarf clean his palm before sticking his hand into one of the numerous pockets on his jacket and pulled out a small brightly coloured treat and gave it to him without looking at Alex. I saw Alex let out the largest grin I had ever seen on him.

"Well there goes dinner." I muttered. "He's done this before? Why?"

"He does this with all the children, he says it makes it easier to deal with them." He chuckled again.

"I'm not going to get mad about it." I held my hands up. "I'm not about to fight with my son the day I get him back." I vowed with a small shake of my head.

Lord Elrond came over to our table and greeted us with a smile that did not reach his eyes.

"Lady Catherine, you will be staying with us I hear?" He questioned. "I have had rooms prepared for both you and your son. As I said before you are more than welcome to stay here as long as you wish."

"Thank you again for that offer. I think the only logical place for Alex to be right now is here, somewhere safe." I looked over at Kili. "Regardless of where I would want to be, I need to think of my son."

There was something about him that struck me as a politician everything he said was both genuine and not at the same time.

"Very well, when you are ready to be seen to your room Merenwen," he gestured over to a tall slender elf holding a large decanter. "Will escort you."

I finally thought I understood at least something of this place. It worked like old money did back home. My father was never a pauper by any means. He grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, the essence of old money. However his father had gambled away everything by the time my father graduated university.

He had taken out loans based on his good name leaving only my fathers trust intact. A trust my father could not access until his twenty fifth birthday. On October 9, 1974, one day after his birthday, my father invested all of his money in stocks that doubled overnight.

I was raised with the mentality of new money but the old money name. I went to a number of functions with old money, I could play ball with the best of them but that didn't mean I was comfortable doing it.

I simply nodded with a smile at Merenwen and thanked Elrond for the unfailing generosity he had shown both my son and me. Lord Elrond nodded his head briefly before moving off to discuss important matters with Gandalf and Thorin.

"Now Kili I don't want you to feel any pressure for taking care of Alexander right now, but you did hear him ask if you could put him to bed with me, and you did hear me say I would ask you." I smiled up at him. "So, will you?" I asked hopefully.

"You don't have to worry about me feeling pressure about Alex. He's a good kid, and he loves you very much." Kili told me as he leaned in slightly.

"Alexander, it's getting dark I think bed time." I called.

"With the song game?" he asked after stifling a yawn.

"Yes I guess but only for a few minutes." I bargained. "We both had a long day and not all of us got a nap in between." I gestured over at Merenwen. "You can understand me right?" I asked as she came near.

"Yes Lady Catherine." She curtsied slightly.

"Lord Elrond said you could show me to our rooms." I explained quickly.

"Yes, I can show you the rooms. They are just down the hall is there anything else you need?" she asked kindly. "I could carry your child for you." She offered just as Alex came up.

"No, not you! Daddy!" he exclaimed with his hands on his hips. "My Daddy is the coolest Daddy in the whole world. He fights the mean doggies and isn't afraid of anything." He stuck his lips out and pouted as he said the words.

"Alexander no one will carry you if you act like that." I warned. "Now say sorry and let's head to bed." I declared with a look.

"Sorry." Alex grumbled as he looked down at his shoes. "Daddy will you carry me?" he raised his arms up and looked expectant.

Kili let out a snicker but picked him up and turned to me. I stood up slowly and let out a low moan as I felt every bruise that marred both my stomach and back. For the only time in my life, I felt old. The woman led the three of us to our designated rooms. She walked down the hall and past several identical doors before stopping at one towards the end. She opened the door and I sucked in a large breath.

"It's beautiful." I whispered as I stepped into the silver lit room.

The sitting room had several long chaise lounges upholstered in the softest of silks I had ever felt. The tables were carved with intricate Celtic knots out of birch that appeared to be almost glowing.

"There is one bedroom through that door and another over there." Merenwen explained as she gracefully moved across the room opening curtains and doors. "Some clothes have been provided for you. If there is anything else you need please let me know." she smiled.

"Thank you, I think that will be all for now, you have been so sweet." I stated making it clear that she could leave.

Thankfully she took the hint and curtsied again before leaving. I let out a long sigh.

"It's going to take some time getting used to living here." I whispered as I hobbled over to the closest door and peered inside, a perfect room for Alexander. "Look baby this is your room and I am going to be just over there. We will fill this room with all the toys you want. Right now we are going to lay down and go to bed." I looked over at Alex and smiled, he was asleep. I placed a small kiss on his mop of curls before looking at Kili. "Why don't you put him in his bed and we have a small chat in my room."

I watched as Kili gently placed Alex on his bed and covered him with a blanket before I started hobbling back across the room. A warm hand on my back stopped me; I turned quickly but was swept off my feet before I could think any further. Kili had swept me off my feet, carried me to my room and placed me on the large bed that took up the majority of the space in the room.

"I would usually get mad about a move like that but under the current circumstances I guess I should just say thank you." I leaned back on the soft pillows and let out a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and could not help but take the moment to relax. My eyes were still closed as I started the conversation I really wanted to have.

"So you tell me you like me right before you leave on a quest you know you could die from and you've bonded with my son. What am I supposed to do with that?" I giggled. I finally opened my eyes and looked at him. "Come here." I patted the spot on the bed next to me. "Will you come back? For us, I mean."

There was a long pause while Kili sunk back into the bed.

"Is there a reason for me to come back?" he asked tentatively.

"I could never make you do anything but if you decided to come back once this is over, I would be here."

"I will try to come back to you and Alex." He suddenly stated as if he was filled with all of the confidence in the world.

"Good. I think that is what I really wanted to hear. And the next thing I wanted to ask is do you mind if Alex calls you dad? He tells me he loves you like a father and I know that might sound scary but he is a good kid and need someone to look up to now and again. It doesn't mean that our relationship needs to last forever but for right now, it would be nice." I bit my lip out of habit.

"If I minded that he called me dad you don't think that I would have already said something? He is welcome to call me father if he wishes."

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"In that case I will have to do this." I leaned my face closer to his. "What did I do to find such an understanding man?" I smiled before closing the small gap between our lips.

His lips feathered against my more insistent pair. It took a moment for us both to understand what the other was trying to convey but in the end it was exactly what we needed. With his soft and gentile movements he showed me acceptance while I tried to convey the urgency of the situation and how desperate I was to see him come back safe. I slowed my movements as I became aware of his actions. Within seconds I realised there would be time for urgency and desperation later, this was about absolute adoration.

I ran my hands through his messy brown locks before moving my right hand to caress his strong jaw line. I could feel his hands move to encircle my waist and gently massage the tense muscles over my dress. His hands moved up slightly as they worked at the muscles and I could not help but let out a small hiss. I felt him pull back and I reluctantly opened my eyes.

"Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine it's just a couple bruises." I explained hesitantly. "I fell a couple times while I was running and really I'm fine." I protested softly.

"Will you let me see them?"

"You are just trying to get me naked on the first date." I protested less because I didn't want him to see me without clothing and more because I was embarrassed by the amount of bruises I had. I hadn't seen them and already I knew I was covered.

"No, but I think you should have someone look at them." He justified.

"Fine you can see them but honestly they are just bruises they are going to take time to go away." I argued as I pulled at the zipper and peeled the fabric away from me.

I heard Kili take in a large gulp of breath and that was all I could take before I dashed over to a large mirror that was propped up on the floor and reached well over my head. I could not help the breath I took in as well.

It had been weeks since I had a look at myself in a proper mirror and what I aw sacred me. My hair was in knots and greasy chunks cling to my scalp. There were cuts and scrapes on every surface of my exposed skin and in some patches the skin had been rubbed raw. A patchwork of bruises covered my arms, stomach, back, and lower legs. I wanted to cry, I was broken. My feet had blisters and my ankle was dislocated, my arms were scratched and bruised, my hand still had the dirty bandage on it from where I had sliced my palm open.

I looked back at Kili through the mirror. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at me with a mix of horror and pity. I wanted to cry, I had never thought of myself as a vein woman but realised now just how much I had taken my looks for granted.

"You should probably just go." I whispered. "I think I need to get cleaned up and take care of myself." I touched my face with a dirt-covered finger still not believing it was I.

"If you want me to leave I will. Are you going be alright on your own?" he asked with a doubting look.

"No." I cried as I turned around to face him with my arms open just needing a hug. I felt warm tears glide over my cheeks as he held me tight. "Do you think you could help me?" I finally managed to rasp out through my tears. I felt him nod and at that moment I knew I was safe.


	17. Caught in the Act

**AN: Hi guy's I know I am a little late on this one. I went back to work full time this week and haven't had as much time as I would like to work on this. I am sorry if I ruined anyone's American Horror Story: Coven plans! :) If there are any questions or requests of things people want to see drop me a line, I always love new ideas! **

"I don't even think a bath is going to clean all of this." I muttered as I watched Kili fill a copper basin with warm water. I wrapped my arms around my waist and tried to cover some if the worst bruising.

"Let me take care of you. I can leave the room if you want some privacy." He offered. "You can call me when you are ready to get out and I can help you."

I lifted a still grimy hand to his cheek and sighed. His eyes were large betraying the air of confidence he tried to present and showing his fear for me.

"You have never done anything like this before, have you?" I asked softly.

"No, I have never taken care of someone bruised on every inch of her body. I feel like I can't even touch you without hurting you." He explained as he leaned forward slightly.

"That is not what I meant. I meant you are scared by me. You have never done this before, have you?" I sniffled slightly. "You've never seen a woman like this." I gestured down my barely clothed body. "I would like you to stay in here while I got cleaned up. I just need someone to talk to or I'll go crazy. Would you mind?" I asked through tear soaked eyelashes.

"I have seen a woman before, just never one I cared for so much. You do scare me but not because I have never done this before. I am scared because I like you and I have to leave you and what I am going to do is dangerous. Then on top of that you are hurt, badly, and that is probably the worst." He explained with a small smirk. "I can stay, I enjoy talking to you."

He gently took my uninjured hand and led me to the large tub.

"I'm sorry I presumed that you hadn't done this before but I need you to look away until I am under the water." I blushed slightly.

I still clung to his arm as I slipped out of the remaining clothes and stepped into the warm water.

"Alright you can open your eyes." I whispered as I closed my own eyes in relaxation. "Now that I have you in here I don't know what I want to talk about. I have spent the past two weeks worried about Alexander now I don't have to I guess that's a good thing."

"You know Alex will be safe here, you can worry about yourself." Kili stated as his free hand skimmed the surface of the water.

"Ah that is where you are wrong. I'm a mother; I can never just worry about myself." I argued with a wrinkle in my brow.

"Then let me worry about you." He responded as I felt his hands massage the tender muscles of my neck and shoulders.

He was careful enough to feather over the bruises and focus on the areas that were unmarred. I felt my head relax into his palm and I let out a small moan. I didn't know where he had learned to do that but I wasn't about to stop him. I felt one of his hands disappear before coming back and rubbing some type of soap along my upper back and along my arms. I watched in horror as the soap went from white to pink to brown as it mixed with the blood and dirt that caked my body.

"How did you learn to do this?" I asked almost fearing the answer. "I thought girls didn't find you attractive." I smirked. "How do you know how to treat me so well?"

I saw his face redden as he fought for words to articulate his actions.

"Instinct." He finally stated as he stared directly at my ear. "Your face when I press here," he paused as he put pressure on a particularly bad knot at the nape of my neck. "Tells me I'm doing something right. I want to help you." He finished with a hushed voice.

My mouth hang open as I processed his words.

"I want to accept your help, and that means a lot coming from me. I usually can't stand taking help from anybody but with you somehow it's different." I sighed at my inability to articulate exactly how much his words meant to me.

I let those words awkwardly end the conversation as I picked up a sponge and began rubbing the dirt off of me. It took over an hour to clean ever surface of my body and untangle the bird's nest that had started in my hair. I had scrubbed my skin raw and was an angry shade of pink by the time I stood up and wrapped myself in a thin towel that clung to my skin and became translucent. I leaned heavily on Kili as I walked back to the soft bed and lowered myself down.

"Could you grab me something from the closet over there?" I asked with a gesture over at the door I had yet to open. "Anything will work I'm just going to go to bed." I explained. "You will still be here when I wake up right? You aren't going to leave in the middle of the night?" I chuckled to avoid the real panic that could well u at any moment.

"If I need to leave I promise I will wake you before I go." He assured with a smile as he picked out a long thin shift dress and handed it over to me.

"Good because I need to send you off with a proper goodbye." I smiled as he came closer.

"What would be a proper goodbye?" he asked with a smirk.

"It would start like this." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "And then I would do this." I placed a small chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth.

I had forgotten I was not wearing any clothing as I pressed my chest against his, leaving nothing to the imagination, as the thin towel covered nothing.

"And then, just when you think I am going to let you go, I would do this." I softly placed a kiss on his mouth.

It was soft and tender and made me melt into his hands. I was supposed to be the one convincing him to stay not me being convinced to run away with him as if I had no responsibilities in the world. I felt his tongue experimentally run across my lip and I smirked softly. I broke apart from him and could not wipe the smile off my face.

"Are you okay with this; me, you, this room? Because if you want me to change or if you want to go into the other room or if you just need a break, say something." I encouraged with a sigh as I attempted to regulate my breathing.

"I couldn't ask to stop at this point," He looked down at the small space between us and winced slightly.

My legs were wound around his hips and I was still not dressed. I blushed a deep red as I saw what I had done. I had no intention of inviting him to my bed tonight. Not because I wasn't attracted to him but I wasn't ready for that with anybody yet. I was still only two months out of a divorce, I had a child, and I had drilled it into my head that it was 'too soon'. However with the way I had taken things it might end up that way anyways.

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about what I was doing, I should put some clothes on and I should close my legs and I should start acting like a responsible adult." I muttered to myself as I caught his eye.

"Don't." he whispered softly as his warm breath played on my lips.

My breathing hitched and I tightened my arms around his neck even though my brain was telling me to back off.

"Don't start thinking -" I could tell he was going to continue and I cut him off.

"Yeah and don't put my clothes on? Don't close my legs? You are treading a very thin line." I warned with a smirk. "Are you thinking that tonight we would?" I gestured between the two of us. "Don't you think we should talk about it or something before hand?" My brow furrowed.

I could see his patience running out. He fidgeted a little as his fingers started making small intricate patterns on the not bruised area of my hip.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked with his eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline.

"I," I paused, suddenly unsure of what I wanted. "I'm not sure. But I don't want people to think I just slept with you and we didn't have a real relationship before." I justified.

"No one is going to think less of you at this point. Everyone in the company could tell we had made a connection. We were the last to come to terms with that." He sighed. "My uncle even confronted me about it." He must have seen my eyes go wide as he said that. "No, it wasn't bad. He just knows I don't have an incredibly strong father figure in my life and he wanted to make sure I wasn't jumping into anything." He explained.

Kili's words did little to calm me, if anything they only made it worse.

"Kili, this is the definition of jumping into things." I scolded with wide eyes. "You really can't jump much farther than this, this for me is as good as saying you plan to be around for a while."

"Just wait for me to come back and get you, we could go to Erebor, the three of us, and my mother could come too and we could have a life together." He explained quickly.

"Did you have all of this planed out already? That you would come back and take me to your home?" I asked believing every word that came out of his mouth.

"I have been thinking about it since dinner, I want you and Alex with me for a very long time. Catherine, I think I have fallen in love with you." He finally breathed out.

For the second time that night my mouth hung open as I processed what he had just said.

"I think I have fallen in love with you too." I whispered as I played with the curls at the base of his neck.

Kili seemed to take that as permission to press several kisses onto my still gaping lips. I responded immediately responded with several of my own well-placed kisses. This time when I felt his tongue glide across my lip I gladly responded with equal fervour.

Instinctually I scooted my hips backwards so that I made more room for Kili to nestle between my legs. I let a moan erupt from my lungs as I felt his hand palm at my breasts.

I was so lost in my own passion to hear the soft padding of feet across the empty siting room. It was not until I heard the door open and a small gasp that I pulled away from Kili again.

"What are you doing to my Mommy?" I heard Alex yell. "Daddy, stop hurting Mommy! Mommy! Mommy you hurt." He began crying.

I pushed Kili away with an apologetic look that he mirrored. I slowly got off the bed and threw the dress over my head. I sat down on the cold stone so that I could be on Alex's level. I closed my eyes momentarily before opening them and bracing myself for the questions he would undoubtedly have.

"Love, what are you doing out of bed? Kili wasn't hurting me." I explained softly.

I felt Kili sit down next to me and silently thanked him for being this understanding.

"But I heard you scream." Alex insisted with a furrowed brow. "When you are hurt you scream. I saw Daddy fighting with you, he hurt you."

"Alex sometimes when you're an adult and much, much, older you can scream and it's not because someone is hurting you. Kili would never hurt me."

"If you are screaming and you are not hurt, why are you screaming?" he asked with wide innocent eyes.

I turned to Kili and saw that his red face matched mine.

"It was a happy scream, Kili said something that made me really happy and I screamed before I remembered you were sleeping." I hoped that would be the end of the questions for the night.

"What did you say that made Mommy happy?" he asked this time looking at Kili expectantly.

"I said that I loved her and you very much." Kili supplied without missing a beat.

"So it was like a love scream?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

My mouth hung open for a minute before I answered slowly.

"Yes Sweetheart, it was like a love scream." I nodded briefly with a sidelong look at Kili who looked like he wanted to burst out laughing.

"Okay Mommy, I love you and Daddy." He smiled before leaning in to hug me.

"We love you too." I answered with a smile. "Now let's get you back to bed." I used Kili's shoulder to force myself back on my feet and followed Alex as he tugged on my hand impatiently.

"And daddy too." Alex called holding out his open hand.


	18. More Time

**AN: I'll be honest; I used this chapter to push my own political agenda. I will make it incredibly clear right now, Kili and Catherine's sexual relationship will be incredibly vocal. That doesn't mean that Catherine is a moaning mess, it means that they will be direct and upfront about their likes and dislikes, what they are comfortable with and what they are uncomfortable with. This is something that I think needs to be addressed, especially to young women; consent and communication are two of the sexiest things anyone brings to the table! I have read too many stories where the premise of sex is that the man just "knows" how his partner wants it and doesn't even bother to ask! Let me be the first to warn you, behaviour like that is not only selfish (the complete antithesis of sex!) but it is also a good indicator of how the rest of the relationship is going to be. Okay my little rant is over and you can go on reading. **

"Alex I'm only going to say this once. It is time for bed, we are not playing a game, we are not singing another song, we are pulling the covers up to your ear, we are leaving the door open a crack so that you aren't in the dark, and we are closing our eyes and sleeping." I explained finally as Alex asked for yet another story.

"No, now Daddy tells a story." He demanded.

"No, we are leaving, you are sleeping and that is that." I declared as I made for the door. "I love you more than the moon and the stars and the sun. I will see you in the morning."

I saw Kili pause still attached to the footboard of Alex's bed. I gave his arm a gentle tug and nodded my head towards the door. He nodded at me but turned his attention to Alex.

"Alex, sometime soon I will need to leave you for a short time and you will need to take care of your Mommy. Can you do that? Can you be a big boy and protect your Mommy while I am gone?" he whispered in a voice quiet enough that Alex thought it was a private conversation but loud enough for me to overhear from the door.

"Where are you going Daddy? Can I come?" he asked in a worried voice.

"I am going to find us a real home and when I come back I will take you to see it. Do we have a deal? When I am gone will you take care of your mother?" He asked again.

"Yes Daddy I promise. I am a big boy." He stated with a determined face and a set jaw.

I saw a hint of a smile flit across Kili's face as he leaned in close to Alex's forehead.

"Yes you are. I love you and your mother both very much and I am going to come back as soon as I can." He whispered as he placed a small kiss on Alex's temple.

Me heart did a little flip as I witnessed the moment. I knew I had found a winner and I could not wipe the smile off my face. I held my hand out for Kili as I walked through the door and waited for him to leave. I left the door ajar slightly as Alex had requested and made my way back to my own room with Kili supporting half of my weight.

I made sure to shut the door completely as I spun around to face Kili. I let out a small chuckle as I leaned more of my weight onto him causing him to stumble back as press his back against the now closed door. I splayed my hands against the wall on either side of his head, effectively trapping him there.

"So, Daddy?" I drawled teasingly. "Since when has it been a smart idea to assign a three year old responsibility of his mother?"

"Someone needs to look out for you. You said yourself that you don't." He stated with a smirk that hardly covered his doubt.

He looked as if he were afraid I would pull back at any moment. The look caused me to press my body further into his. I was giving him ever signal to take things further and he was just standing there like a damn lump on a log.

"Kili, when a woman does this with her body," I emphasised my point further by hooking my leg around his. "She's really not looking for you to stare at her as if she is going to explode at any minute. I'm not leaving you, I'm not walking away; I'm doing the exact opposite because not only are you attractive but your heart is worth more than its weight in gold. I love you." I trailed off as my eyes focused in on his lips that had slowly inched towards mine as I spoke.

"What about Alex?" he breathed out finally.

"He's three years old, you don't think I have learned how to keep myself quiet?" I asked with a rye smile. "I'm not asking for much, I just think that you have taken such good care of me I should at least repay the favour." I let my uninjured hand trail down the soft fur lining of his coat and play experimentally with the thick leather belt at his waist.

"Catherine stop. This isn't right, we aren't married and I could not ask for you to do this before I leave." He put his hands on my hips, keeping me a small distance away from him as he tried to regulate his breathing.

I realised his words and backed off slightly.

"Last I checked you weren't asking, I was offering." I muttered as I moved back to sit on the bed. "Kili, I do have these crazy love feelings for you, but I was already married once and I let that crash and burn." I hoped I was articulating what I was feeling but had the distinct impression that was missing the mark.

"So you never want to get married?" he questioned with a furrowed brow.

"No, some day I think it would be very nice to get married again and really do it right this time, what I'm saying is that I don't idealise anymore. Marriage is not the solution and I can see that clearly now." I justified, trying to seem somewhat reasonable. "It's just that being officially married means almost nothing to me when it is compared to how much love you have shown both me and Alex. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me what I feel."

I let out a large sigh as I felt Kili sit down next to me on the bed. I slowly entwined my fingers with his. I could feel Kili fidgeting slightly and knew he was trying to work out my beliefs with his principles.

"I'm not sure what kind of deck your playing with here but if you are saying no sex because it could lead to a baby I would understand and I would feel the need to tell you that there are ways to feel good without risking that possibility."

I heard a deep inhale next to me and looked at Kili closely. He looked as if he was choking on air. His eyes were drawn shut tightly and he had gone ramrod straight as his hand clasped mine tighter.

"Would it be easier if we stopped talking for a minute? You look not so good." I questioned with a grimace.

"No, I am just trying to convince myself that I am doing the right thing." He muttered finally. "You are much more forward than the other women I have talked with."

"I thought that was part of my charm, different from the others, not drooling over some overgrown beards, and blunt to a fault." I snickered. "Look, I am going to start something that I have no problem finishing if you want me to stop say the word and we can just go to bed and think about it some other time." I reasoned searching his eyes for an agreement.

"What are you planning on starting?" he asked with a hint of playfulness that had been lost throughout the conversation.

I smiled in relief and lifted my leg to wrap around his hip in an attempt to both get him closer and relieve some of the stress on my ankle. I briefly ran several kisses across his lips before making a trail down to the crook of his neck. While my hands played with the longer ends of his hair I felt his hands begin to encircle my waist. He pulled me impossibly closer to him and I could not help the surge of power I felt. I made him do that, my body, my actions; he loved and accepted all of it.

My hands began to work at the coat he was still wearing. Once I was able to push the heavy coat off took a break from his clothes in an attempt to appreciate the position I had gotten myself in. I felt Kili's palm rest on my still fully clothed breast and I tried not rolling my eyes slightly at his obvious appreciation. I couldn't say I minded as I let out a soft whimper. I pulled my mouth away from his not separating out bodies in the slightest.

"Are you still okay with this?" I asked with a ragged breath. "I'm not pushing you too far too fast?" He might have thought I was joshing him with my questions but I was dead serious. I didn't want to drive him away because I got carried away.

"Catherine, I should be asking you that question." He let out a heavy breath.

"No one is stopping you." I quipped as I returned my attention to the belt I had played with earlier. "But just to answer your question, you can go further if you want." I let the words play lightly against his lips.

I had him out of his shirt with his boots flung across the room and his pants loosened before I felt him shift slightly. I leaned back and let my back relax against the soft bed as I pulled Kili with me. As my back hit the comfort of the mattress I realised again how tired I was and how much I would like nothing better than a nap.

I had to stifle a yawn that I thought would go unnoticed by Kili. I didn't want to stop; I wanted him to keep doing exactly what he was doing.

"Kili, Kili, wait a minute." I pushed slightly at his shoulders as I caught my breath. "Let's just take a minute."

"Did I do something wrong? Should I have not put my hand there?" He worried.

"No, no I just need a second." I whispered. "I liked what we were doing. When you put your hand here." I mimed his actions while looking in his eyes that had grown as large as saucers. "I felt unlike I have felt in a very long time, Stephen and I, we stopped anything like this about a year ago. This is better than I could have imagined." I sighed as I ran my hands down his exposed abdomen following the trail of hair I found there. "You, you are very good at what you do." I muttered as I felt my eyes droop.

I vaguely heard a chuckle as a felt Kili reposition his weight to my side. I felt the mattress shift as he lay down next to me. I knew I was about to fall asleep but I wasn't willing to accept defeat so easily. I turned on my side so that I could face him and wrapped my arms around his waist. There was something about him made me want to hold onto him and never let him go.

"I love you." I whispered with a small kiss on his nose. "Do you promise to wake me if you have to leave?"

"Yes, I will wake you."

"Thanks." I nodded my appreciation before letting myself drift off.

I woke the next morning with my head resting entirely on Kili's chest. I flexed my foot experimentally before realising it was hooked around Kili's waist. The motion must have woken him because when I saw his face it looked still sleep riddled.

"Hey, you didn't leave." I whispered with a smile.

"No, I went out to check on the company last night but Thorin has, rather reluctantly, accepted the help of the elves and they claim that the map can't be read for another four moons." He explained while he ran his hand over his eyes.

"I have no idea what any of that means." I confessed with a blush. "You asked last night? You left and then came back?"

"Yeah, you were the only one of us given a room and since we had – last night." He obviously struggled for the words he was looking for.

"You are welcome in my bed for as long as you wish, don't feel awkward about it. Four moons? So I have you for another couple days?" I smiled, still in a state of euphoria from my blissful sleep and Kili's warm body that made me feel as if I was being constantly embraced in a hug.

"It appears that way." He nodded.

"Good. I need to spend some quality time with you." I confessed as I moved closer to him. "Last night, you said something about your mother. Do you really want me to meet her?" I asked as I bit my lip in worry.

I hadn't been able to win over any of the other dwarves and doubted his mother would be any exception.

"I want you to be part of my family. My mother will love you." He assured as he rubbed small circles into my back.

"I know how mothers think. They don't like the girlfriends, baby boys will always be baby boys." I sighed. "I don't have the best track record with mothers. Stephen's mother always called me a _Caileach_." I saw Kili's confusion and immediately clarified. "I didn't know what it meant either, I had to look it up. She called me an old witch for the entire time I had known her. I don't want that relationship with your mother."

"I don't want that relationship between you either. She will like you, you will win her over just like you did me."

"If you are sure about it then I would love to meet your mother." I leaned up to place a small kiss on his cheek. I wanted to show him that I was serious about our relationship but I couldn't help but feel the butterflies creeping into my stomach. "Let's go get something to eat and meet up with the others." I offered as I slowly disentangled my body from his.

I opened the closet door and pulled out two similar dresses in different colours.

"Purple or Blue?" I asked as I turned back to Kili.

"Whatever you wear I am sure it will be beautiful." He responded.

"Yeah, yeah, typical male." I muttered. "I love you."


	19. Double Jeopardy

Kili and I walked in near silence as our hands entwined. Alex had insisted on a piggyback ride from Kili and was grinning like a mad man as we walked down the hall towards the others. I was busy thinking of the things I wanted to fit in before Kili and the others had to leave. I wanted them to want me to come back; I selfishly wanted them all to miss me.

"Good Morning!" Alex called as we entered the bright room.

I stiffened as I saw every head turn towards us. I didn't know what they would think about our changed relationship. It took me a minute to realise that I could not go on with an even semi-functional life if I always worried what people would think. I let my back relax out of the awkward position and leaned into Kili both for physical support as well as emotional stability. The rest of them just took in our positions before seemingly loosing interest and moving on to the food in front of them. Alex asked to be put down and ran over to Dwalin without a further look in our direction leaving Kili and me to find a seat at the enormous table.

"I think I have lost my son to the candy man." I stated in a half conspiratorial whisper.

"I asked him to go over there." Kili confessed with an abashed smile.

"Why did you do that?" I smiled but my face still carried a look of obvious confusion.

"Because I want to know more about you. I want to have a chance to talk." He explained as his hand squeezed mine in a reassuring way.

"You want to know about me? What do you want to know? I have already told you that I was a lawyer before I had Alex, I don't have much of a life outside of him anymore." I answered with a frown. "I used to be a little more exciting but that seems a lifetime ago."

"Tell me, I want to know about you and your world." He encouraged with a smile.

"Alright, so I used to dance." I stated; that was without a doubt the most interesting part of my life before Alex. "I took classes in ballroom dancing when I was twelve and really liked it so I competed here and there. Eventually gave it up because I wanted to try belly dancing. I belly danced through University and even worked as a dancer for a small amount of time, not for the money but because it was the only way to get more experience. I thought about doing it as a profession for a while but my dad got to me and said that I needed to do something practical with my life if I wanted to see a cent of my trust fund. To this day it is the only decision I have ever made that I regret wholeheartedly."

Kili contemplated my words for a moment with a frown.

"What is belly dancing?" he finally asked.

"Basically you isolate your hips and stomach to move in certain directions. It is beautiful and sexy and empowering." I explained trying to convey my strong emotions of the subject.

"Could you show me?" he asked tentatively.

"Here? No, it's not something I have ever let Alex see and I would question its appropriateness. Maybe later tonight back in out room I could show you a move or two." I whispered the last part with a sly grin.

"What else do you have hidden in your past?" He chuckled to hide is nervousness.

"Nothing really, I was kind of a docile kid. I never got into much trouble." I thought about it a little. "Do you remember when y'all walked in on me singing that morning at Bilbo's?" I questioned.

I saw his little nod and heard his audible gulp.

"You were swaying," he paused "A lot."

"Yeah, well that was kinda like belly dancing only a little less formal and it is usually done in less clothing." I explained in between bites of a strange fruit salad.

"You got paid for dancing like that?" His brow furrowed further.

"Yeah, my father looked like that too when I told him but he was always the one to tell us to go after our dreams. That argument was enough to get him to stop talking about it for a few years. Mostly he just didn't like the places I got paid to do it. Lounges mostly, lots or men, kind of a greasy scene. What finally convinced me to stop was my father sitting me down one day and telling me that I was going to give him a heart attack if he had to wonder every night where I was." I stated with a matter-of-fact stare.

It looked as if Kili was about to say something else but was interrupted by Fili sticking his head between us.

"And how are the resident lovebirds this fine day?" he questioned with a laugh. "Kil – you alright? You look kind of sick, maybe you should lie down or something." Fili slapped his brother on the back with a worried face.

I recognised the face, I had seen it last night before I had fallen asleep. My face reddened as I realised what was going on.

"He's fine," I gently ran my free hand over Kili's arm. "He is just trying to convince himself he is doing the right thing." I answered for him as he just nodded along. "Hey, it's alright." I whispered. "Next time just tell me to stop talking. Sometimes I over share my thoughts. I think it's a side effect from being around Alex and having to censor everything, when he's gone I can't stop myself."

I saw Fili looking at me with an intensity I had not expected, it seemed as if he was checking my hair for something. I tried to act like I didn't notice it but I could feel my skin start to get hotter and my palms start to sweat.

"No I don't want you to stop being you because of me." He finally stated with a smile.

He acted as if Fili had never entered the conversation with the way he was looking at me. I smiled and saw Fili roll his eyes and mutter something unintelligible before walking away.

"Here I was trying to be a good brother and offer to watch Alex while you two get some time together. But you can't even bother to talk to me." He called as he walked away.

"Thanks Fili!" I called back with a smile. "Alex, you can stay with Fili all day! He said he wants to go exploring with you." I told Alex animatedly.

"Okay Mommy! Mommy are you and Daddy going to go at it like rabbits?" He questioned loudly from across the table. "That sounds like fun, I like bunnies."

I could feel my face turn to pink before finally settling on a deep red. My mouth hung open.

"Who told you that?" I asked sternly. Alex remained silent as he pointed over at Dwalin. "Alex that is not a nice thing to say, I don't think you should say something like that until you are much older." I stated with a glare at Dwalin.

"Okay Mommy, have fun." He responded with a smile and a small wave of his hand.

"Well I'm jot going anywhere just yet." I called feeling rather abandoned by Alex's casual goodbye.

He was not listening anymore as he struck up a conversation with Balin about the best game. I looked down the table and in the corner almost out of the way was Bilbo looking incredibly deflated. I sighed as I thought about Oin's words regarding Bilbo. Alex was fine and any danger he had been put in was because of me. I stood up slowly and walked over to a lonely Bilbo.

"Hey," I whispered I a tone low enough for the others to ignore it. "I'm sorry about what I said with the trolls. I was angry and in the heat of the moment I said things I didn't mean. You have been a great friend to me and didn't deserve to be treated like that." I stated in one long breath.

"I'm sorry I didn't think to protect Alex more than I did. I was never very good with children." Bilbo smiled at me with a weary smile.

"Nonsense, you just weren't thinking. I suspect you would be a very good father or at least a very fun uncle." I nudged him slightly with the corner of my elbow. "Let's not talk about it anymore, you are going to be leaving soon and need to catch up on some rest and relaxation."

"Relaxation, with this lot? I should just go home before I get myself hurt." He muttered looking down at his hands.

"Well that's not the outlook you should have. All of those times you told me about looking for elves when you were younger? Are you really going to say now that you just want to go home? If you need a break from this group you are more than welcome to use my rooms, as long as no one else is in there." I looked around at the rather boisterous crowd that was receiving dark looks from the elves that were serving them. "I like their outlook on everything, they don't take themselves so seriously. Well except Thorin but he has a lot on his plate I expect." My gaze fixed on Thorin.

I was shocked to see that he was looking at me too. His gaze wasn't the unfriendly one that I had come to associate with our relationship. I could not help the frown that ran across my face as a result.

"Should I go talk to him?" I asked with a gesture over at Thorin.

"If he wants to talk to you he can come over and ask to talk to you. You are Catherine Chilton, you answer to no one." Bilbo held up his head high and tried to appear superior.

I let out a harsh laugh.

"Okay so I might have laid it on a little thick when we first met, I was just trying to get him to treat us both with a little more respect." I justified with another chuckle.

"It might have worked for you, he still questions my role here, and it's not like I blame him."

I snorted in an unladylike fashion.

"Yeah it really 'worked' for me. He never thought I belonged with them. My act only caused me to stick out like a sore thumb." I rolled my eyes. "But I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am grateful for everything this group has done for me and my family." I got up slowly and pulled my arms over my head in an attempt to stretch out my sore muscles. "I think I am going to take a walk, it is so beautiful here." I smiled and gave a small wave.

I had no intention of actually going on a walk but had to find some way to exit from the conversation. I might have forgiven Bilbo, but I wasn't ready to spend all day with him. Something about our relationship caused me to start acting like a bitter old woman; I could nag and gossip with him until the cows came home. While that was fun, there was a time and a place, and this was neither.

"Come on, let's get out of here for a while." I whispered to Kili as I walked up to him again. "I have lost my son to your brother for the day and I don't just want to sit here." I had many reasons fro wanting to get out of this room but two of them were Thorin and Fili's strange looks that they kept shooting at me when they thought I wasn't looking.

I hooked my arm with his and nestled my head into the base of his neck. I let him lead the way as I thought about the recent past. I had come such a far way from where I started. A simple life in a small farming town in Connecticut to a whirlwind adventure where beasts and the things that go bump in the night were very real, and now I was here seemingly safe and protected. The weight of it all made my head start to hurt.

"Are you going to explain to me why both your brother and your uncle won't stop staring at me or are you going to pretend you didn't notice it?" I asked in a tired voice.

"I think they are just trying to see you as a part of the family. I had a long chat with them last night. I know Thorin has never been supportive of you and Alex and I just wanted to make it clear to them that you meant a lot to me and they would have to get used to you." He explained, I didn't look up to see his face but I had a feeling he was smiling.

"You had this conversation just before you came back to my room?" I questioned, trying to sound unfazed by his announcement.

"Yes, right after I found out that we were staying for a few days." He elaborated.

"And you didn't think that might look a little suspicious. Right after you leave my bed you say you want me around for a while, I mean that makes me sound like a prostitute." I pulled away from him and sat down on an empty bench that overlooked a waterfall.

"I don't think I understand." Kili stated with a furrowed brow.

I ran my hands through my hair before dropping my head into my hands. I knew my words would never be able to properly express what I was feeling. I let out a sigh.

"Okay, so there's a girl that everyone is on edge about anyways because she isn't like everyone else and she has a child which means she must be some kind of floozy. Then the guy who has never had a lot of luck with the ladies anyways gets the girl and after two and a half weeks they are sharing a bed and talking about spending the rest of their lives together. Obviously you and I know that isn't the case but think about it from everybody else's point of view." I looked up searching his eyes for some sort of understanding.

"Should I not have said anything? I was trying to be helpful." Kili looked upset and rather offended.

"No I think we should have told them together, and explained how serious we are about each other. For appearances sake I think that would have come off better than you looking like you just had sex announcing to your family that they would just have to get used to me." I laughed dryly.

"I'm sorry -" He started before I could cut him off.

"Don't be sorry. You were doing what you thought was right, I have no doubt that we will both have those moments." I rested my palm on his cheek. "I love you and I don't really care what anyone thinks about us, but I think you should know what might be going through their minds right now. Hey I could be wrong about all of that and be reading way to far into everything."

I leaned into him and looked out at the surroundings. I was really so blessed that it took me a moment to comprehend that I was really here. With out thinking about it I started to hum a light tune.

"Oh well it's a marvellous night for a moon dance." I stated seemingly out of the blue.

"What was that?"

"It's a song, my mother and father danced to that song on their wedding. It always stuck with me." I explained as I let my body begin to sway slightly as I remembered the song further. "Would you like to hear it? It was always one of my favourites." I waited for his response hopefully, for some reason this was important for me to share with him.

"I would love to hear your song." he smiled.

I broke into a large smile before I started singing. I never thought much of myself as a singer but I wanted to share this part of myself with him and as I thought about it more most of my memories were tied to songs.

_"Well, it's a marvelous night for a moon dance_

_With the stars up above in your eyes_

_A fantabulous night to make romance_

_'Neath the cover of October skies_

_And all the leaves on the trees are falling_

_To the sound of the breezes that blow_

_And I'm trying to please to the calling_

_Of your heart-strings that play soft and low_

_And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush_

_And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush_

_Can I just have one a' more moon dance with you, my love_

_Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love?_

_Well I want to make love to you tonight_

_I can't wait till the morning has come_

_And I know now the time is just right_

_And straight into my arms you will run_

_And when you come my heart will be waiting_

_To make sure that you're never alone_

_There and then all my dreams will come true, dear_

_There and then I will make you my own_

_And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside_

_And I know how much you want me that you can't hide_

_Can I just have one a' more moon dance with you, my love_

_Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love?"_

I smiled as I remembered the video I watched of my mother and father twirling around the dance floor. I remembered the soft feel of the silk and lace of my mothers wedding dress, carefully preserved in a large white box. My father looking dashing in his dated double-breasted tux coat with his hair slicked back showing only a smattering of grey. My remembrance of their happiness brought tears to my eye. My own wedding had been a large formal affair and while I remembered having a good time the memories were spoiled by the way it had ended.

I fiddled mindlessly with my wedding ring. I had yet to take it off, not because it meant so much to me but more out of habit. I had worn that ring for six years taking it off would leave me feeling naked. At least that was what I told myself every morning as I looked down at the two-carat monstrosity. Kili must have noticed my fidgeting as he looked down at my ring.

"What is that?" he asked softly as his fingers outlined the form of the ring.

"Nothing," I whispered as I worked the band off from around my finger. It had left an indent from prolonged wear. "Just a memory." I finally stated and lobbed the ring over the ledge and into the river below. "One best left in the past." I leaned my head forward and captured his lips with mine.


	20. Flesh Wound

The sun had started to fall in the sky before we finally decided to start back towards the others. I was missing Alex and I could tell that though Kili was having a good time with just me he was missing his brother and friends. Once we had made it around the final bend I saw Alex speed his way towards us. I leaned down and stretched out my arms.

"Mommy! Look at what Fili gave me." He exclaimed as he held out his hands with a triumphant smile.

"Oh let's see." I examined his newfound treasures. "A violin? Will you learn to play?" I grinned as I saw the fine elegant curves of the instrument.

It was too large for his arms and could easily make my little prince unbalanced. It was meant for an adult.

"No mommy! You play." He demanded as he handed the treasure up to me.

My eye's widened as the bow was thrust into my hands. It had been ages since I had been played any sort of instrument. My mother had thought playing an instrument would make me stand out on my applications to university. I had grudgingly taken up the piano but when I realised I hated the way the piano sounded under my fingers I switched to the violin, mostly because it made a loud noise that when the wrong string was struck sounded like nails on a chalk board and would drive me mother crazy. I had developed a talent by the time I was accepted to Uni but quickly gave it up to pursue other interests.

"Okay, I can play a small thing for you but let's get over to the others." I smiled.

I looked over at Fili, who had stopped a few metres away and was watching the scene carefully. I frowned at his watchful eye but decided to let it go.

"Thank you for watching Alex today. It sounds like he had a great time. He didn't steal this from anyone did he?" I asked lightly.

"He took it out of my bag before I could get a chance to stop him, and then he went on and on about how you can play. He kept talking about it so I just let him keep it." He explained as he nervously itched the back of his head.

"Oh then you should have it back. I'm sorry, he knows that isn't the way we treat our friends." I assured as I tried to hand back the violin. "We had a picture of me playing the violin when I was younger sitting on the mantel, I bet that was what he was thinking about."

"Well now you have committed us to a show I think you should keep it presently." He smirked, clearly loving my discomfort.

"Fine." I stated briefly before I stomped away and placed the violin under my chin.

I hadn't thought that I still didn't know what I wanted to play, I hadn't thought about music in a while and I doubted I could preform most of it without sheet music. I thought I remembered all of the hand movements to most of the songs I had taken an interest in. It was a bit like riding a bike, you could never truly forget. I looked around at the lot of them; most were talking or staring out blankly, paying me little attention. However I could feel the eyes that mattered burn into me. Kili, Fili, and Alex all gave me their undivided attention while I could feel several others stop what they were doing to at least give my production half of a second glance.

"Deep breath Cathy, you like being the centre of attention." I reminded myself with a calming intake of oxygen. "Come on you can think of something better than that!" I scolded myself when the first song I could come up with was more redneck than I cared to be most days.

As I thought about it more I could not get that first song out of my head. It described everything about this group and their quest. I finally decided on two that I would play. One with its country twang and the other more refined. I drew the bow across the strings experimentally. I loved the sound it made, mostly because I knew I was going to have fun with this first one. I struck up a fast paced tune that carried a stronger position on where it stood than I am sure I had ever done. I knew I would have to start singing soon but was sort of excited now that I looked around and saw I had gained more attention.

_"The Devil went down to Georgia. He was lookin' for a soul to steal._

_He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal_

_When he came across this young man sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot._

_And the Devil jumped upon a hickory stump and said, "Boy, let me tell you what."_

_"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player, too._

_And if you'd care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you. _

_Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the Devil his due._

_I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul 'cause I think I'm better than you."_

_The boy said, "My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin,_

_But I'll take your bet; and you're gonna regret 'cause I'm the best there's ever been."_

_Johnny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard._

_'Cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards._

_And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold,_

_But if you lose the devil gets your soul._

_The Devil opened up his case and he said, "I'll start this show."_

_And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow. _

_And he pulled the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss. _

_And a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this. _

_When the Devil finished, Johnny said, "Well, you're pretty good ol' son,_

_But sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it's done."_

_"Fire on the Mountain." Run, boys, run! _

_The Devil's in the house of the rising sun; _

_Chickens in the bread pan picking out dough._

_Granny, does your dog bite? No, child, no._

_The Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat._

_And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet._

_Johnny said, "Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna try again, _

_'Cause I've told you once-you son of a bitch-I'm the best there's ever been."_

_And he played: _

_"Fire on the Mountain." Run, boys, run! _

_The Devil's in the house of the rising sun; _

_Chickens in the bread pan picking out dough._

_Granny, does your dog bite? No, child, no."_

I smiled as I looked around; every pair of eyes was trained on me. There was something twisted and wrong that I liked all of the attention, it was similar to when I would dance, having every pair of eyes on me while I showed off something I was genuinely good at made me happier than I could ever explain. I raised one hand still clinging to the bow and used the back of my hand to wipe of the sweat that had accumulated on my brow. It was Alex that finally broke the silence.

"Yay Mommy!" he clapped with a giggle. "But Mommy, the doggies do bite." He told me seriously as he came up to me.

"Yes love I know they bite and that is why we are very careful around doggies we don't know." I responded looking directly at Thorin.

The man was staring at me again and I could not figure out why. Finally he broke the stare as he crooked several of his fingers beckoning me towards him. I felt like the headmaster had just caught me doing something wrong. All thoughts of a second song were forgotten as I moved towards him. I felt Alex grab at my skirts and trot after me. It felt like it took ages to cross the small open-air atrium we were occupying.

"You wanted to talk?" I asked sharply, showing him as much courtesy as he had shown me.

"An interesting song you have chosen to share." It was as if he were talking to himself he murmured the words so low.

"One that could ring true regardless of location." I quipped with a raised eyebrow.

He knew I was referring to their adventure. I took a seat next to him and waited for the meat of the conversation to begin.

"You and my s-" he stopped himself mid sentence. "Kili, have started a relationship. He told my last night." His comment was seemingly out of the blue but there was a part of me that had expected this even earlier.

"He thinks of you as a father." I whispered, "I can see that you are very protective of your family." I was trying to be understanding and make a good impression but it was becoming increasingly difficult. "I am sure you know that I am just as protective of my family."

He looked pensive as he stared at Alex who had wrapped himself further in the back of my dress.

"Then you will understand my concern, and my reservations." He stated with another appraising look.

"You might question me and my motives and I can assure you they are nothing but pure, but how could you doubt my son? He calls Kili his father; he begs that Kili be the one to tuck him to bed. He is innocent to the wickedness of the world how could you doubt his sincerity?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Trust me he is the only reason I have allowed this relationship to continue as long as it has." He bit out with a glare.

"Do you really think me so low as to play with emotions?" I gave my best withering stare.

"You know his status, he is a prince, next in line for the throne of Erebor. There are many that would falsify feelings in an attempt to gain status or wealth."

"How dare you call me a whore?" I whispered because I did not want Kili to come over and hear the hurtful things his uncle was saying. "I have money and status, I hardly need that of a prince whose inheritance lies in the success of a suicide mission!" I whisper yelled.

"You had money, you had status, but you do not have those things any more! Do you know how to live without the luxuries you have become so accustom to?" he sneered.

"Believe it or not I have worked for some things in my life. Granted I have never been in the situation I am in now but that does not mean I am incapable. Do not tell me that you can't appreciate the similarity of our situations? Tell me, are you upset because I could be after some mountain of gold I have never laid eyes on, or because I have found a peace in my fate that you have never had. You have to risk the lives of thirteen other good men, family and friends included, to achieve some modicum of serenity. That is not nobility, that is not bravery."

"How dare you assume so much when you know nothing." He spat. "As if you could compare our situations. I have had to work hard for an ounce of what you have now. Look at your hands." He grabbed my hands and pulled them to the centre of the table. "Those are the hands of someone that has been handed everything. They are not the hands of a labourer." He showed me his own callouses.

"Fine, we are different, you have worked harder and longer than I ever have. But that does not invalidate my feelings for your nephew. I love him and I will be around until he asks me to leave, even then I can't say I would leave without a fight." I looked at him waiting for a sarcastic reply.

Instead of his cold calculated response I was expecting I heard a deep sigh.

"You are wrong about why I am doing this, I am not risking these men's lives for nothing. I am doing this because I cannot see my father, and his fathers work gone to waste." He glared but it held little of the animosity it once did.

"I know more about disappointing my father than you would know." I looked down at my still splayed hands. "I'm sorry for my harsh words, I hope you don't hold them against me." He might have started the conversation but I took it upon myself to end it.

I stood up after disentangling Alex from underneath me and gave a small peck on Thorin's cheek. I walked back towards Kili and wrapped my arm around his waist.

"Your uncle and I have come to an understanding I believe. We aren't friends but I think we understand each other better." I explained softly.

I watched Alex run around briefly. Smiling at his antics with the others. He stopped at Nori and began flapping his arms like a chicken, only I would be able to recognise it as his signature dance. So it shocked me when I saw Nori join in for a moment before returning to his conversation.

"What did you tell him?" Kili asked with a small smile.

"That I loved you, and that I would be around until you asked me to leave and even after that. I think he liked my stubbornness." I smirked as I placed a small kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"I like your stubbornness." He chortled with a smirk.

I sighed.

"It's like you can't see what I am trying to do." I turned to face him fully.

"And what is that?"

"I am trying to make it too hard for you to leave, I want you to stay and I am willing to do anything to make that happen." I giggled without any real sincerity in my words.

I did want him to stay but I knew that would never happen. He was going to go off and fight his battles, and I was going to wait for him. There was something slightly poetic about our situation. It wasn't dated; it was ancient, prehistoric even.

"I wish it would work."

"No you don't, and that's okay. I'm coming to terms with it but that doesn't mean I can't try." I smiled.


End file.
